Starsky finished packing the last of his belongings. Glancing around the room, he felt a tinge of sadness as he realized they were leaving. Although he was happy and relieved that Hutch had fully recovered from the car accident that had left him paralyzed, part of him was going to miss being here. He could hear Hutch moving around in his room across the hall, as he finished packing. Despite the fact that Hutch was fully recovered and had been cleared to go back to work, Starsky still worried. Something wasn't right with Hutch. He seemed distracted and, at times, even appeared depressed. When questioned, he denied anything was wrong.

   Starsky heard the door close, as Hutch headed out to the car with some of his stuff. Grabbing one of the boxes, he also headed out to the car. Once outside, Starsky didn't see Hutch anywhere. The box Hutch had carried out sat on the ground next to the Torino. Placing his box on the ground next to Hutch's, Starsky went in search of his friend. He knew he would likely find Hutch down by the water.

   Just as he had thought, Starsky found him standing, looking out at the ocean. The blond was deep in thought. From the look on Hutch's face, Starsky knew something was troubling him. Taking the few short steps to his friend's side, Starsky put his hand lightly on Hutch's shoulder. "What's wrong?"

   Startled, Hutch turned to look at Starsky. "Nothing's wrong," Hutch answered in a somewhat defensive tone.

   Starsky found himself looking into a pair of tortured blue eyes. The eyes confirmed what Starsky had already known. Something was very wrong.

   As if realizing that his eyes gave him away, Hutch lowered his gaze.

   "Hutch, we know each other too well. Don't stand there and tell me nothing is bothering you. I'm not blind. It shows on your face, buddy. Talk to me."

   "There's nothing bothering me. Let's get the car loaded." Hutch strode off toward the car. Within a half-hour, the packing had been finished in silence. They were ready to leave their home on the beach for the last time.

   "I'm really going to miss this place," Hutch said, breaking the silence as he took one last look at the water. Starsky was surprised to see what looked like tears in Hutch's eyes.

   Starsky wanted to reach out to his friend, to offer some kind of comfort for whatever it was that was troubling Hutch, but it was as if a wall had been placed between them.

   As if reading Starsky's thoughts, Hutch said, "Starsk. There's nothing wrong. Really."

   "I know better than that, Hutch," Starsky replied, as he slid into the driver's seat of the Torino. "But I'll drop it for now. Just remember, there's nothing we can't talk about. I'm always here for you. But you know that already, don't you?"

   "Starsky, I think you've proven you're always there for me." Wanting the subject dropped, Hutch turned and looked out his window.

********

   After being back at work for almost a week, Starsky began to wonder if he was working with a stranger. Sure, he looked like the same tall, lanky blond, but inside that body was someone he wasn't sure he knew. This person just seemed to be going through the motions. Oh, he was doing his share when it came to work, but there was none of the relaxed easiness they had always found between them. Hutch was silent and withdrawn most of the time. I miss the way it used to be. The way it should be.

   Starsky's stomach told him it had to be lunchtime. "Hey, Hutch, where you wanna go for lunch?"

   "I'm not really hungry." Hutch continued typing his report. Never looking up. "You go ahead and go."

   "Come on, Hutch...you know I hate eating alone. You've got to be hungry. You haven't had anything since early this morning. It's almost two o'clock."

   "I said I'm not hungry. Just go eat and don't worry about me." Hutch's tone had turned defensive.

   "Fine!" Starsky had just about lost all patience with his moody and brooding partner. He threw down the pen in his hand and grabbed his jacket. "Have it your way. I'll be back later." Shoving his chair angrily against his desk, Starsky stormed off.

   Forty-five minutes and four tacos later, Starsky was back. The chair across from him was empty. He looked around, but no Hutch. Even his jacket was gone. Did he finally decide he was hungry? Damn fool!

   "Starsky, I need to talk to you," Dobey bellowed from his doorway.

   Starsky jumped at the unexpected summons. "Sure thing, Cap'n." Starsky bounded into Dobey's office, still looking around for his blond partner. "What's up?"

   "That's what I was planning to ask you. What's up with Hutch?" Dobey drummed his fingers on his desk and looked expectantly at his detective. "Well?"

   "I'm not sure what you mean, Cap'n, I mean, nothing's wrong as far as I know, other than he's been a bit on the cranky side the last few days."

   "Nothing, huh? Then why did your cranky partner just go home sick?"

   "Sick? Honest, Cap'n, I don't know a thing about Hutch being sick. 'Course that would explain him being so irritable lately." Starsky was beginning to feel uneasy. Could Hutch be sick? He didn't seem sick, but...something's wrong with him that's for sure.

   "Well, find out what's going on and get back to me. Make sure he sees a doctor if he's sick." Dobey's gruff tone was more bark than bite. He cared a lot about the team of Starsky and Hutchinson. "Now, get those reports finished up and on my desk before you leave today."

   "You got it, Cap'n." Starsky's step had lost its bounce, as he made his way back to his desk. Picking up the phone, he dialed Hutch's number. He let the phone ring a dozen or so times, but no answer. The rest of the afternoon seemed to drag on, as he worked on finishing their backlog of paperwork. Paperwork was his least favorite part of the job. Hutch never seemed to mind it so much, though.

   When quitting time rolled around, Starsky didn't waste a second. He was out the door and in the Torino before anyone realized he was gone. As he made his way through rush hour traffic, he kept going over Hutch's behavior in the last week or so. What happened to make you so withdrawn and irritable? You should be feeling great. You're back on your feet and back to work. What's eating you?

   After knocking on Hutch's door several times and getting no answer, Starsky pulled his keys from his pocket and let himself in. The apartment was dark, except for a light in the kitchen. "Hutch?" It didn't take Starsky long to find the blond sitting out in the greenhouse. "Hey, buddy, what ya doing sitting out here in the dark? Dobey said you were sick. What's wrong?" Starsky's voice was heavy with concern. The memory of all they had been through in the last months was fresh in his mind.

   "I'm not sick. I just told Dobey that." Hutch's voice came out of the darkness and held a hint of apology. "Sorry, you made the trip for nothing. I'm just a little tired."

   "Maybe you've been overdoing things. Think maybe you came back to work too soon?" Starsky asked as he moved closer to Hutch. It's not like Hutch to lie about being sick. Something must really be bothering him.

   "No, I don't think it was too soon. To be honest, Starsk, I'm not really sure what my problem is. I...I just feel like something's missing. I can't explain it. But really, I'm not sick. At least not physically. Just feeling a little lost."

   "You want to talk about it?" Starsky settled in the chair next to Hutch.

   "Not yet. Starsk, before I can talk about it, I have to figure out what's wrong." Hutch's voice did sound tired and somewhat strained.

   "All right, but remember when you're ready to talk, I'm here."

   "I'll remember."

   "Hey, did you eat?" Starsky asked, feeling changing the subject might be a good idea.

   "No, not yet."

   "How about I fix us something?"

   "Starsky, remember I'm not sick, I can fix myself something to eat."

   "I know you're not sick, but you did say you were tired. And anyway, if I fix it, I know it will be something I can eat, too." Starsky patted Hutch on the back. "Stay put and I'll have a feast ready in no time."

   Hutch couldn't help but smile as he watched Starsky, with his usual bounce, head off to the kitchen. I miss him being around all the time. I miss him? Where the hell did that come from?

   Hutch could hear Starsky rattling around in the kitchen--cupboard doors slamming and dishes clattering. It sounded like old times. Is that it? I miss Starsky? That's crazy, I still see him every day. But it's not the same as him being around all the time and taking care of me.

   "Hey, Hutch, come on. It's almost time to eat," Starsky yelled from the kitchen.

   Getting to his feet, Hutch couldn't help but think about the months when he couldn't walk. The months when Starsky had been caring for him. I owe Starsky a lot. I wouldn't be walking now if he hadn't been there for me. He never gave up on me. He's always been so giving and caring with me. No matter what I do, he sticks around. He accepts me as I am. No one has ever really done that before. Everyone has always wanted to change me in some way. It's as if no one has ever liked me just as I am. Not Vanessa, not even my parents. Just Starsky.

   "Hey, Hutch, what's taking so long?"

   The clattering in the kitchen had stopped, and Hutch could hear Starsky moving a chair around. "I'm coming."

   Taking his seat at the table, Hutch smiled his first real smile in days. "Thanks, Starsk."

   "Thanks, for what?" Not that it mattered to Starsky what he was being thanked for. The smile on Hutch's face was all that counted.

   "For always being there, never giving up on me. Thanks, buddy."

   "Any time, and I mean that. Now eat."

   Realizing just how hungry he was, Hutch quickly emptied his plate. Looking up, he found Starsky grinning at him. "What?"

   "Nothing, I was just thinking. It's kind of weird not living together, huh?"

   "What?" For a brief second, Hutch wondered if Starsky was reading his mind.

   "Us not living together anymore...feels kind of weird, huh? Well, I guess what I mean is that I sort of miss us living together. It was kinda comfortable." Starsky paused. "Might sound sort of funny, but I liked taking care of you."

   "Well, I liked you taking care of me. I couldn't have handled anyone else doing it. I miss us living together, too. And I miss our house. That was a pretty nice set-up we had there." Hutch smiled, remembering the white sand and the blue water.

   "But there is a plus side to not having to take care of you."

   "I'm sure there is." Hutch laughed at the expression on Starsky's face. He looked like he had just found a candy machine that was giving away free candy bars. "So what's this plus side that has you looking so happy?"

   "Women. Lots more time for women. I know some would say you're good looking and all, but you're just not my type. Not the right equipment, if you know what I mean." Starsky gave Hutch a look that could only be described as lecherous.

   "You're the only one who's ever complained about my 'equipment'." Hutch did his best to look offended, which suddenly wasn't hard to do. I liked it a lot better when I didn't have to share him. Share him? What the hell is this all about?

   "Now, Hutch, don't take it personally. I just prefer female equipment. If I was into...well...men, I'm sure I'd find you..." Starsky's voice trailed off and he burst into laughter. "Hutch, I can't believe we're having this conversation."

   "That makes two of us." All of a sudden, Hutch wasn't enjoying the conversation very much. But he didn't want Starsky to notice, so he laughed and pretended he was enjoying the silliness.

   His performance was not as good as he would have liked, though. Starsky was watching him with a worried look on his face. "You okay?"

   "Yeah, I'm okay. Just a little tired, I guess." Hutch hoped that Starsky would accept that little lie.

   "Tell you what, you take tomorrow off. I'll tell Dobey you have a touch of the flu. Maybe by Monday you'll be feeling better."

   "Starsky, remember I'm not sick."

   "Yeah, but maybe you'll figure out what's bothering you and we can talk about it and then you'll feel better." Starsky grinned at his friend.

   Hutch couldn't help but return the grin. Starsky seemed to think it would be so simple. He had to admire that in Starsky. Nothing was ever too complicated. "Yeah, maybe by Monday I'll have it all figured out."

   "Okay, I'm gonna get out of here. Give you some time to get some rest and think. You know, maybe sort out what's going on in that brain of yours." Starsky stood and placed his hand on Hutch's shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Call me if you want to talk. Any time day or night, okay?"

   "Okay, Starsk. I'll call you."

   "Promise? I know how you keep things buried inside. Seems like that's how you get yourself into trouble. Don't bury it inside. Don't do it, Hutch." Starsky's tone reflected how serious he was.

   "I promise I'll call you. As soon as I sort things out, we'll talk. Promise." Reaching up, Hutch grasped the hand that rested on his shoulder. "Relax, I'm just feeling a little depressed. It's not the end of the world."

   "Yeah, I guess you're right." Starsky wasn't entirely convinced he should relax, but Hutch seemed pretty confident that it wasn't anything serious. And Hutch did have unexplained moody periods now and then. Hell, it happened quite often. Guess, I'm over-reacting. Not easy to let go of the worry after watching him suffer through the last few months. "I'll get out of here, then. You get some rest. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

   "Thanks, partner." Hutch smiled, happy to see the worry had left his friend's face. Starsky has spent way too much time worrying about me. Time for him to get back to his usual fun loving self. "Now get out of here."

   After Starsky left, Hutch cleaned up the kitchen and grabbed a beer. He settled himself back in his chair in the greenhouse. I honestly don't know why I'm feeling so down. How can I miss Starsky when I see him every day? No, it's not missing him exactly. It's wanting more. Wanting more. Hutch felt sick as he realized what he really wanted. What the hell am I thinking? This could ruin everything we have going for us. No! I'm not in love with my partner. I love him like I always have. As my best friend, nothing more. Hutch nervously got to his feet and began a slow pace around the greenhouse. I'm lying to myself and I know it. If I can't admit it to myself, how will I ever be able to admit it to Starsky? I won't. I won't ever say anything to Starsky about my real feelings toward him. Not ever! He can never know.

********

   The following week, Hutch's performance was convincing enough that Starsky seemed satisfied everything was once again right in Hutch's world.

   After work on Friday, they went to Huggy's for their usual beer and burgers. As Starsky talked incessantly about his upcoming date the next night, Hutch began to worry that the smile he kept plastered on his face would become permanent.

   "Dana's really something, Hutch. I can't wait for you to meet her." Starsky positively glowed just talking about his newest lady.

   "That's great, Starsk." Hutch struggled to sound happy for his friend.

   "Well, when do you want to meet her?" Starsky inquired anxiously.

   "How about next week? You pick the day." Hutch just didn't feel up to meeting this wonderful creature of Starsky's this weekend. He wasn't sure he could continue his carefree, everything's okay routine much longer. He desperately needed a break. Some time to get his thoughts in order again.

   "You got plans this weekend?" Starsky looked inquiringly at his partner. He didn't remember Hutch mentioning anything in particular.

   "Not yet," Hutch replied quickly, "but I was thinking of giving Erica a call."

   "Erica, huh? Can't say I blame you there. Okay, next week it is." As much as Starsky wanted Hutch to meet his new lady, he could wait. Just knowing Hutch was feeling better about things and getting on with life was all that was important.

   Relieved that he wouldn't yet have to come face-to-face with the woman responsible for the grin that had been plastered on his partner's face all week, Hutch relaxed a bit. They finished their dinner with some of their back-and-forth bantering and joking.

********

   Letting himself into his apartment after Starsky had dropped him off, Hutch collapsed on the couch. He was exhausted. Closing his eyes, he leaned his head back against the couch. When had everything changed? The question hammered at him. Why? Why do I suddenly want more than the friendship and love Starsky has always given so freely? Why not? My track record with women hasn't exactly been fulfilling. Starsky provides me with more love than any one person could possibly ever need. And it's unconditional. No strings. Nothing expected in return. Is it really so strange that I would find myself wanting to settle into a safe, secure relationship with someone who clearly loves me? Maybe not strange, but certainly selfish. Would I really expect Starsk to give up women and his dreams of a family? What the hell am I going to do about this? How does one turn off their feelings?

   Despite the fatigue he was feeling, Hutch knew sleep was not going to come easily. Opening his eyes, he looked around, stretched, and then pulled himself to his feet. After a trip to the refrigerator, he returned with a cold beer. If I drink enough of this, maybe I'll pass out. Is that the answer? Sit here every night and drink myself into a stupor? That'll work; Starsk will never notice. The bitter chuckle that escaped Hutch's lips echoed in the quiet room.

   Memories of the months Starsky had spent all his time caring for him flooded over Hutch. I almost think that part of me was happier. I couldn't walk...but Starsky was always there. Damn it, I've got to put these thoughts of Starsky out of mind. Drinking might not be the answer, but there has to be a way to do it. Still hoping that alcohol might do the trick, Hutch downed a few more beers before calling it a night.

********

   The next day, Hutch debated calling Erica. Going out with her would require more acting. On the other hand, if he stayed home alone, his thoughts would be of Starsky and Dana. Life had become very complicated. Sighing deeply, Hutch decided to concentrate on the things that needed doing around his apartment. Vacuuming the floor and washing dishes wouldn't be much of a distraction, but it was better than nothing. Later, he did some laundry and tended to his plants. Before he knew it, the afternoon had passed. Now what?

   The evening seemed to loom bleakly ahead for Hutch. The things he usually enjoyed doing didn't hold much attraction for him. Wonder what Starsky's doing right now? No, I don't want to know.

   After idly pacing for several minutes, without thinking, Hutch reached for his guitar. Then, realizing he wasn't in the mood for music, set it back down. I have to get out of here. I'll drive myself crazy staying in this apartment wondering what Starsky's doing.

   Grabbing his jacket and keys, Hutch headed out the door. Once outside, he debated whether to walk or drive. Walking won out, and he started off with no destination in mind. If nothing else, a good long walk should tire me out.

   Any hopes that the walk would take his mind off his partner were quickly dashed. Every couple that Hutch passed reminded him that Starsky was out with some woman named Dana. Someone who seemed to have totally captured the attention of his partner. And how can I forget that I'm supposed to meet this lady next week. I might as well switch careers and go into acting. I'm gonna be doing enough of it.

   After walking several blocks, Hutch found the flashing neon lights of a bar silently beckoning to him. Why not?

   Hutch found a table in the back of the smoke-filled bar. The place was crowded and the noise was deafening. Not the kind of place he normally would frequent. Sitting down, he ordered a beer from the slightly frazzled looking waitress and sat back to observe the boisterous goings on of the somewhat seedy-looking surroundings. What the hell am I doing here? But the atmosphere did prove to be a bit distracting. As a cop, he was aware that there were several crimes taking place in the bar. But he was off duty. No badge, no gun. Tonight he was totally off duty and just observing. He watched as a hooker made her move on a slightly balding, middle-aged man sitting at the bar.

   As Hutch finished his third beer, he heard a soft voice ask, "Mind if I sit here?"

   Hutch turned and looked into the face of a young girl. Probably not much more than eighteen. Just a kid. Clearly, the girl was hoping to do some business. "Not a good idea," Hutch said as he drained the last of his beer. Looking around for the waitress, he realized the girl was still standing beside the table.

   "You look kind of lonely. I don't bite. Well, unless that's what you're into." The girl gave a nervous little laugh. Sitting down, she smiled at Hutch. "I'm harmless, really."

   "I doubt that."

   "You're lonely; I can see it in your eyes. Nothing wrong with having a little company, is there?"

   "It's just not a good idea." She's so young. How did she end up here in this dingy bar hustling? Hutch got the attention of the waitress and motioned for her to bring him another beer. "I think you'd be better off to move on. I'm not good company right now."

   "So, we don't have to talk. I'm sure we could find something we would both enjoy doing." The girl slid her hand down Hutch's thigh and the other arm around his neck and moved closer to him. "I could make you feel really good. I'll make you forget whatever it is that brought you to this dump."

   Her mouth grazed his earlobe as she delivered a slow, shivery series of kisses along his neck and throat. Hutch was now finding it hard to concentrate. This is wrong. She's too young...she's a hooker. I'm a cop. But it's been so long. Starsky... But I can't have you...I can't even tell you how I feel. I can't take the chance on destroying our friendship. He pulled away from the lips that were reeking havoc on him.

   Taking a deep swallow of the beer the waitress had set in front him, Hutch took a few seconds to study the young girl who had become the cause of the urgent desire that had taken hold of him. There was no doubt she was young. Also no doubt she was skilled in her trade, Hutch thought, as the hand on his thigh began a caressing movement, causing the bulge in his pants to harden. Her young face had a delicate, almost fragile, look to it. Her hair was honey colored and hung down past her shoulders in soft waves. Despite the skill demonstrated with her hands, the face still showed a hint of innocence. He knew he should get up and walk out of there and away from this temptation. But he also knew he wasn't going to.

   "I've got a room about a block from here. You know you want me, so let's go."

   The girl got to her feet. Hutch found himself following her out the door. He was relieved that the rest of the bar patrons seemed to be paying no attention to them as they moved slowly through the bar toward the door. The aroused state he was in would be vividly evident to anyone who happened to glance in his direction.

   Once outside the girl took his hand, giving him a little smile. "Hey, you got a name?"

   "Ken."

   "Hi, Ken, I'm Sara."

   Hutch remained silent as they made their way down the street toward Sara's room. None of it seemed real. I'm a cop, walking down the street with a hooker, going to her room to... The thought of what they were about to do made his pulse quicken and his heart pound harder. I'm about to do something I haven't done in a long time. Hell, I've never done it with a prostitute. I need it...I want it...but I know it's wrong. I should turn around and walk away from her now. She's a hooker...and so young.

   While Hutch was lost in his troubled thoughts, the young hooker studied him. Her first thought was how good-looking he was. He's so blond and beautiful. And he certainly doesn't look like he should be hanging out in that seedy, rundown bar. He's hurting. Maybe a romance gone bad? For some inexplicable reason, it became important to her to make the blond stranger forget whatever it was that was causing him pain. More important than the twenty-five dollars she planned to charge him. He needs me. He may not know it, but he needs me. This man hasn't said more than ten words to me, and I find myself caring about him. Wanting to make him feel better. There's just something about him...

   "We're here." Sara pointed to a shabby looking hotel two doors from where they were. The sign above the door was faded and the letters were barely legible, but Hutch managed to make out the name: "Silver Palace Hotel."

   Seeing Hutch look up at the faded sign, Sara said, "Not exactly fit for royalty is it?"

   Hutch managed a feeble grin. Sara's room was on the second floor. She pushed open the door and motioned for Hutch to go in. He hesitated briefly, then entered the room. The room was a pleasant surprise to Hutch. Sara had obviously worked very hard to make her surroundings homey. A bright curtain hung on the window. The walls were painted a soft yellow. A vase filled with fresh flowers adorned the nightstand. A nervous glance at the bed showed fresh, clean sheets and several fluffy pillows.

   "Nice." Hutch's tone confirmed the nervousness he was feeling.

   "I think I should go...this just isn't right." Hutch turned toward the door.

   "Hey, come on, relax. You know I'm just what you need right now." With a firm hold on his hand, she pulled him toward the bed. "Sit down."

   Hutch was pushed onto the bed. Any nervousness he was feeling was quickly replaced by hungry desire, as he watched her unbutton her blouse and then reach behind and unfasten her black lacy bra. Hutch watched as she let the bra fall to the floor and her small firm breasts were released. Any thoughts of leaving had vanished. Her skirt and panties soon joined her bra and blouse on the floor. Stepping over her scattered clothing, she moved toward Hutch. His gaze never left her naked body, as her hands began the task of unbuttoning his shirt. When the shirt was unbuttoned, she slowly slid it off and it dropped to the floor, joining her discarded clothing. She gently pushed Hutch down onto the bed. A low moan escaped from Hutch's lips, as her experienced hands made short work of removing his pants and underwear.

   As she straddled him, Hutch's hands reached out to touch the rosy peaks of her breasts. His hands quivered as he made contact, and her nipples firmed under his touch. "Oh, God," he whispered. His heart was pounding so hard he felt his chest might explode any minute.

   Her lips started at his neck and moved slowly downward. As she licked and nibbled at his nipples, he thought he would lose his mind completely. "It's not gonna take me long. It's been a while and I don't think I'm gonna be able to hold back for long." Hutch's voice shook as he fought the urge to come.

   "That's okay," She softly whispered into his ear. How 'bout I get you off quick now, and later we can take our time?"

   Before Hutch had time to reply, her hand had taken firm hold of his aching cock. She stroked and pumped him gently at first and then more firmly. He arched his body, pushing hard into her hand. "Yes, oh, yes." Man, this is so good. I'd forgotten just how good this could be.

   Sara's hands kept up their stroking and pumping as her mouth continued its journey downward. Her tongue licked his navel, and she smiled as the blond shuddered. Moving back up to his nipples, she gently bit first one, then the other.

   "What are you trying to do to me? You're driving me crazy here. What happened to getting me off quick?" Hutch spoke in a husky whisper. "You're torturing me."

   "You just hold on, boy. I'm gonna take care of you right now."

   Hutch felt her hands slide underneath him and his buttocks were stroked and kneaded and then her mouth descended onto his throbbing cock. She sucked and licked every inch of his starving organ. She kept her firm grip on his buttocks, holding him in place as she took him deeper into her throat. Hutch moaned loudly, as he arched his hips and thrust into the moist, hot mouth. "Oh, God."

   Sara brought one small hand around and gripped the base of his cock. Pumping it into her mouth, her tongue sucked at the sensitive underside as her teeth scraped delicately. Her other hand found his velvety balls and squeezed them gently, making him groan yet again.

   Hissing with pleasure he arched upwards, his hands clenched into fists as his climax ripped through him. "Incredible…" Hutch struggled to catch his breath. "Just incredible."

   "Does that mean you liked it?" Sara watched as a small smile spread across the blond's face.

   "Did I like it?" Hutch reached down and pulled the young woman up and lightly kissed her on the forehead. "I think my heart stopped."

   Sara gave him a soft kiss as she laid her head on his chest.

   "Sorry," Hutch whispered.

   Sara looked up at Hutch with a puzzled expression. "Sorry?"

   "That was kind of one-sided. I was selfish. I didn't even think about you." Hutch felt badly, realizing he had acted in such a manner.

   Sara laughed softly, "Ken, I'm a prostitute and no one ever worries about me or my needs. I get paid to satisfy men's needs." She shrugged matter-of-factly, "No big deal."

   Hutch gazed at the young girl, suddenly feeling very sad. "Why do you do this? You're so young. You should be home with your family." Guilt washed over him as he thought about the way he had just used her. I'm no better than some of the scum I deal with on the streets.

   "Let's just say this beats the heck out of being home with my family. Don't look so sad. It's really not all that bad. I'm doing okay. Really." Sara ran her hand softly down his face. "You're a really nice guy. Maybe I should ask you why you're here? Some lady break your heart?"

   "No, nothing like that."

   "I don't think I believe you. I see something in your eyes. And I know that bar is not your usual kind of place. I could tell you didn't belong there."

   "You're pretty smart for someone so young. Just how old are you?"

   "Don't worry, I'm legal."

   "How legal?" Hutch asked, as he pulled himself up so he was leaning against the headboard of the bed.

   "You sure ask a lot of questions. I'm nineteen. Okay?"

   "Nineteen. So damn young." Hutch's voice held a faint tremor. "Don't you want more out of your life?"

   "You're just too damn nice. Don't worry about me. I've been doing this for three years. Now, how about we get back to business? I think we discussed getting you off quick and then taking our time on the next round." She ran her hands down Hutch's smooth chest.

   His first thought was to get up, pay her, and leave. But somewhere in his mind he found that idea unappealing. He felt he owed her more than a twenty left on the dresser on his way out.

   "Hey, come on back down here." Sara pulled Hutch back down beside her as her lips began nibbling a path down his neck and shoulders. Wanting more for her this time, he rolled her off of him so now he was above her. His lips began a journey down her body. Her throat, her neck, and down to her breasts. His tongue slowly caressed her hard, pink nipples first one, then the other. He heard her whimper and knew he was on the right track. His mouth moved upward again and his lips found hers. As he forced her lips open with his tongue, he opened his eyes to see an expression of complete and utter wonder on her face. Almost as if she had been given some wondrous gift. No one has ever treated her like this. She's never known the pleasure she's entitled to.

   As he continued his gentle assault on her mouth, he started a soft caress of her body. She shivered as he fondled her breasts. His hands moved down and slid between her legs. His fingers slid easily into her moistness and he moved them in and out, always making sure to hit just the right spot. Sara gasped at the sensations that had taken control of her body. This feels so good. I've never felt like this before.

   Hutch knew she was close and wanted to make it as good for her as he possibly could. His fingers were moving faster as Sara began thrusting against his hand. His other hand stroked one breast, while his mouth sucked the other. "Oh, my God, what are you doing to me?" Shuddering and shivering, she moaned. Hutch felt her tighten up and her body convulsed. She continued to quiver and shake, her eyes still closed.

   "Look at me," he whispered.

   She opened her eyes and managed a weak whisper. "What did you do to me? I never..."

   It hit Hutch then that this nineteen-year-old hooker had just experienced her first orgasm. He pulled her tightly into his arms and just rocked her gently.

   "What was it you said? 'Incredible?' That doesn't even begin to describe what you just did to me." Sara sighed, and Hutch could see tears forming in her dark eyes.

   Does that mean you liked it?" Hutch couldn't resist asking as he grinned down at her.

   "Yeah, I liked it." She was barely able to keep the laughter from her voice as she reached down and stroked his neglected erection. "Seems to me I remember you saying something about one-sided."

   She moved down and started to take him in her mouth.

   "No, not like that," Hutch insisted, pulling her back up then shifting around so that now he was on top of her. He kissed her and began to once again caress her body. Sensing her renewed arousal, he parted her thighs and slowly entered her. Shivers of delight raced through her body as he--gently at first, then harder--thrust into her.

   Hutch smiled to himself as he felt her tighten around him as she came again. Only then did he let himself fully enjoy the sensation. Rolling off her, he pulled her close, and soon their relaxed and sated bodies drifted into sleep.

********

   Hutch opened his eyes and struggled to remember where he was. Then recalling the events of the previous night, he couldn't help but feel some shame. But he felt something else, too. Something he couldn't quite put a name to. Looking at the young girl in his arms, he felt a rush of tenderness. She's a hooker, yet in some ways so innocent. He quietly got out of bed, trying not to disturb the sleeping girl. The clock on the nightstand read five-thirty. He dressed quickly, now anxious to get out of there and do some serious thinking about what he had just done. And even more importantly, why he had done it.

   Stopping at the dresser, he pulled his wallet out of his pocket and took out several bills, then pulled out a few more. First time he'd ever paid for it.

   As he opened the door to leave, he turned and took the remaining money out of his wallet and placed it on the dresser. Like money will take away the shame. "No, nothing will take away the shame." The words were uttered out loud and Hutch looked nervously around, hoping he hadn't woken Sara. But she continued to sleep, undisturbed.

********

   Arriving home, Hutch sank on the couch. So many emotions had built up inside him, he didn't know what to think anymore. What the hell would Starsky think of me if he knew what I had done? Just one more dirty little secret to keep from him. We never used to have secrets from each other. Damn, I'm tired.

   Hutch got up and moved into the bedroom. Not even bothering to undress, he just flopped onto the bed. Sleep would be his escape.

********

   The ringing of the phone jolted Hutch from his deep sleep. Groggy, it took him a few seconds to realize what it was that had disturbed his sleep. Staring at the phone, he somehow knew it was Starsky on the other end. I have to answer it. It could be an emergency. Could even be Dobey.

   "Hello," Hutch mumbled as he spoke into the phone.

   "Hutch? Guess I woke you up, huh? Sorry." Starsky's voice, unlike Hutch's, was alert and cheerful. "I can call you back later."

   "Damage is done, Starsk. What'd you want?" Hutch pulled himself into a sitting position and looked at the clock. It was ten-thirty. "I didn't realize how late it was."

   "Late night, huh?"

   "More like a late morning," Hutch groaned softly.

   "Well, you go back to sleep. I didn't want anything important. Just wanted to know if you wanna join Dana and me later in the park? Anyway, if you get a chance, stop by. The usual place."

   Hutch was silent for a few seconds. "Tell you what? Let me take a shower and get some coffee into me. If I feel halfway human, I'll stop by for a little while."

   "Fair enough. I take it Erica musta worn you out last night." Starsky gave an amused chuckle. "Maybe you're getting too old for those late night activities."

   "I'm glad you find me so amusing this morning. I'm gonna hang up now and take a shower. And for your information, it wasn't Erica." Hutch hung up the phone. Now he'll want to know who it was that kept me up so late. I just can't keep making up lies.

   Hutch closed his eyes as the hot water cascaded over his tired body. Damn, I'm confused. How long can I keep secrets from Starsky? And if he finds out about the prostitute... Hutch grabbed the soap and began a vigorous scrubbing of his body. No matter how hard I scrub, I won't be able to wash away what happened last night.

   As the last of the soap was rinsed off him, Hutch stepped out of the shower. He wrapped a towel around himself. Coffee was the next order of business. As he waited for the coffee to brew, he threw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, then combed his hair and brushed his teeth. Guess I'm as ready to meet this lady of Starsky's, as I'll ever be. Damn it, think of Starsky's feelings for a change. He's happy. That's all that matters. Yeah, think of Starsky. That's almost funny. Was I thinking about him last night...when I… No, I was trying to forget him.

   Swallowing down two scalding cups of strong black coffee, Hutch nervously paced the kitchen. Damn, I'm nervous. Nervous about seeing Starsky. Time for another performance. Guess that makes what I'm feeling, stage fright, huh?

   Even from across the park, Hutch could see the happiness radiating from Starsky. Starsky and his lady were sitting on a blanket underneath a large tree. As Dana looked up at Starsky, he leaned down and gave her a kiss. They were the picture of bliss. Be happy for him. Ignore the breaking of your heart and be happy for both of them. He deserves it and you certainly owe him.

   "Hey, break it up, you two. This is a family park." Hutch forced a wide grin on his face, as he joined the happy couple.

   "I'm glad you made it." Starsky's smile was one of pure delight at seeing his friend. Standing, he reached down and helped the pretty brunette sitting on the blanket to her feet. "Dana, I want you to meet my partner, who also happens to be my very best friend. This is Hutch. And, Hutch, this is the lady I've been telling you about, Dana." Starsky positively beamed as Hutch reached out and took Dana's hand.

   "It's a real pleasure." Hutch smiled as he took the small hand. Looking down into her eyes, he could see she was genuinely happy to meet him.

   "I'm happy to finally meet you; Dave talks about you all the time." The smile on her face let Hutch know that she didn't seem to mind hearing about him."

   "He must be boring you to death." Hutch shook his head, smiling in the direction of his partner.

   "Not at all." She smiled at Starsky.

   "Come on, Hutch, sit down. Tell us what you've been up to." Starsky motioned toward the blanket that was spread out on the ground.

   Hutch nervously paced around the blanket, as Dana and Starsky took their places back on the blanket. I can't sit here and make small talk with them, and I sure as hell don't want to talk about my so-called date last night. I've got to get out of here. "I think, I'll just take off, Starsk. You know the old saying, 'three's a crowd'."

   "Not with us, buddy. You know that." Starsky noticed the nervous state his partner was in. "Is something wrong, Hutch?" Starsky got to his feet.

   "No, nothing's wrong. I'm sorry, Starsk, guess I'm just not good company today. How about the three of us go out to dinner next week? My treat. And I promise to be more sociable then."

   "Okay, I'll let you off the hook for today. But I'm holding you to dinner next week." Starsky watched as relief spread over Hutch's face. "You'd tell me if there was anything wrong, right?"

   "I wouldn't have any choice, would I?" Hutch managed a weak grin. "Really nothing's wrong."

   "Okay, partner, I'll see you tomorrow." Wanting to believe Hutch when he said everything was okay, Starsky could only grin back. "I'm driving, so I'll pick you up in the morning."

   "I'll be ready." Looking down at Dana, who still sat on the blanket watching the two partners, Hutch smiled somewhat apologetically. "Sorry to be taking off so soon. It was nice meeting you, and I hope we can all get together for dinner one night next week."

   "It was nice meeting you, Ken. I'm looking forward to having dinner with you." The warm smile she beamed in Hutch's direction suddenly made him feel guilty. Guilty of what, he wasn't sure.

   Starsky and Dana watched as Hutch walked back across the park toward his car.

   "What's wrong? You look worried." Dana pulled Starsky back down on the blanket. "I don't think there is anything for you to worry about."

   "It's that obvious that I worry about him?"

   "Yeah, but I think it's nice." Dana leaned forward and kissed Starsky lightly on the cheek.

   "What makes you so sure there's nothing to worry about?" Starsky asked, as he leaned back and settled his head in her lap.

   "Just that from what you've told me about your relationship with your partner, if it's anything serious, when he's ready he'll want to talk it over with you." She ran her hand through his dark curls and smiled down at the face in her lap. "It sounds like he's been through a lot lately. Both of you have. Don't you think it's kind of understandable that he might need to some time to adjust to everything that's happened? You, too. You've become used to worrying about him, and you can't seem to stop now that he's back on his feet."

   "Yeah, you're probably right. But it's so damn hard not to worry about him. Especially after all he's been through. But you're right, when he's ready he'll tell me what's bothering him."

   "So relax and let's just enjoy our afternoon."

   "You got it!"

********

   Hutch drove away from the park, feeling nothing but disgust for himself. Starsky's so full of enthusiasm, feeling good about his new relationship with Dana and what do I do? I run off. Why? Because it hurts to see him so happy with someone? And it makes it worse that she's so darn nice. I have to come to terms with this somehow. But how? What do I do until then? Maybe just keep my distance from the happy couple as much as possible. And if I can't come to terms with it? Do I spend the rest of my life living behind a facade?

   Not anxious to return to his empty apartment, Hutch found himself driving somewhat aimlessly. It didn't take him long to realize he was heading toward the area of the beach house he had shared with Starsky during his convalescence. I went through a lot of ups and downs there, but somehow it was one of the happiest periods in my life. Pathetic... really pathetic. You were crippled, totally dependent on Starsky for everything and you were happy. Hutchinson, you're one sick bastard.

   Pulling up in front of the beach house, he was surprised to find a "for sale" sign in the yard. The place appeared to be empty, so Hutch parked his car next to house. Unable to resist the lure of the sand and water, Hutch made his way down to the beach. He gazed out across the water, as the warm afternoon sun beat down on him. A feeling of peace seemed to envelop him. The thought of walking barefoot along the water became so appealing to him that he slipped off his shoes and socks. The warm sand felt good between his toes, as he began a slow stroll down the beach. I think I could stay here forever. I feel so relaxed and at peace here. It is for sale. I wonder…?

   Sitting down on the sand, Hutch pulled on his socks and shoes. Task completed, he sat for a while, his thoughts wandering back to the time spent here with Starsky. Starsky had sure been determined that I would walk again. And it really is because of him that I can walk today. He wouldn't give up. He...he deserves his happiness now. I owe him that much. Hell, I owe him more than I can ever repay. My feelings don't count now. Starsky is the only one that matters now. He put me first when I needed him. Now it's my turn to do the same for him.

   The decision made--that Starsky's happiness was what mattered not his own selfish needs--Hutch stood and took one more quick look out over the water and then made another decision. Tomorrow he was going to look into buying this place.

********

   Monday, they followed up some leads on a case they were working on. Leads that led nowhere. All in all, it was a pretty frustrating start to the new week. To make matters worse, Starsky was once again eating lunch alone. Hutch had left to go to the bank. He had been a little surprised to hear that Hutch had spent all his money over the weekend and had nothing left to make it through the week. You must have had one heck of a weekend, partner. But why so secretive about it? Starsky had tried his best to find out how Hutch had spent Saturday night. All he knew for sure was that Hutch had had a few drinks with some mystery lady.

   After Hutch returned from the bank, the detectives spent the rest of the afternoon finishing up some of their endless paperwork. Tomorrow morning, it would be back out on the street trying to shake something loose. Hopefully, with better luck than they had had today.

********

   As the Torino came to a stop in front of Hutch's building, Hutch realized he was not looking forward to another night alone. "So, you and Dana have plans tonight?"

   "Yeah, we're gonna take in a movie."

   "Oh. Well, you two have fun. Oh, and by the way, Starsky, I really liked her. Very nice lady. I'm just trying to figure out what it is that she sees in you?" Hutch hoped he was hiding the disappointment he was feeling. He'd thought he and Starsky could go by Huggy's and grab a burger and a couple of beers.

   "Funny, Hutch, real funny." Starsky flashed a grin in Hutch's direction. You know you're more than welcome to join us at the movies. And I don't want to hear that 'three's a crowd' crap."

   "Okay, I won't give you that 'three's a crowd crap' but I'll pass on the movie. Maybe some other time. I've got some things I need to take care of anyway. You two have fun." Hutch opened the door and slid out of the car, but before shutting the door, he leaned in and said, "She's nice, Starsky. Really nice. Oh, and you two decide what night you want to go to dinner and I'll make reservations somewhere nice."

   "Sounds good, Hutch. You want me to pick you up in the morning?"

   "No, I'll drive in myself. I need to do some grocery shopping and run a few errands after work."

   "Okay, buddy, you have a good night."

   "You, too, Starsk, and say hi to Dana for me."

   Hutch stood and watched as the Torino sped off down the street. I think that went well. And I did truly mean it when I said Dana was nice. She is. I really do want him to be happy. Maybe this will get easier with time. But right now it hurts like hell.

   After showering and changing clothes, Hutch looked through his empty refrigerator. Still feeling a little disappointed that Starsky had plans, he shut the refrigerator and sat down at the table. Well, I have to eat. No reason I can't go to Huggy's by myself.

   But once seated in his car and pulling away from the curb, Hutch found himself driving in the opposite direction of Huggy's. He ignored the voice inside telling him not to do this. What difference does it make where I have a burger and a beer? Huggy would just want to know where Starsky was.

   Seeing the flashing light on the sign in front of the bar, he slowed down. Finding a parking place just down from the bar, he parked the car and got out. Looking up at the flashing sign, he actually took a moment to read the sign this time. Charlie's Place--Charlie, you may just become my new best friend.

   The crowd inside Charlie's looked about the same as it had Saturday night. Hutch made his way through the smoke-filled room and found a table in a somewhat secluded spot in the back of the bar. The same weary, brassy looking waitress took his order.

   Waiting for his food, he sat drinking his beer and watched, with detached interest, the goings on around him. A group of guys in a heated discussion on which basketball team was the best. All of them too drunk to barely stand. A young couple cuddling at a corner table, oblivious to everything around them. Just a normal night at Charlie's.

   "Hi, Ken."

   Hutch looked up to see Sara, the young hooker he'd met Saturday night. "Hi."

   "Feel like a little company?"

   "I wouldn't mind some company while I eat. You hungry?"

   "I'm always hungry," Sara replied with a soft laugh.

   Hutch caught the attention of the waitress and Sara placed her order.

   "You sound like my partner." Hutch smiled, thinking of Starsky's never ending appetite. "He's always hungry, too."

   "Your partner?"

   "Actually, he's more than my partner; he's also my best friend." Hutch regretted bringing Starsky up. But he didn't really want to lie to Sara either.

   "What do you mean when you say, he's your partner? Or am I being too nosy?"

   "I'll answer your question, if you'll answer a few for me. Fair enough?"

   "I guess. So, tell me about your partner."

   "Okay. Well, his name is Dave." Hutch paused; he wasn't sure how Sara would take the news that he was a cop. I shouldn't even be telling her this.

   The waitress arrived with her food, and Hutch ordered another beer. His hopes that the subject of his partner would be dropped were quickly dashed.

   "So tell me about Dave?"

   "You don't give up, do you?"

   "Nope."

   "We're cops." Might as well just be blunt.

   "Cops?" Sara stared at Hutch, her eyes wide with fear. "Are you gonna arrest me?" Her voice was almost a whisper.

   "No, Sara, no. I'm not going to arrest you." She shouldn't have to worry about being arrested. She should be home with her family. She should be having fun with friends her own age. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I couldn't exactly arrest you without arresting myself, now, could I?" Hutch smiled encouragingly at the young girl. He reached out and patted her hand. "Come on, let's eat before our food gets cold."

   Sara ate silently for a few minutes, then stopped and looked at Hutch. "I was hoping I'd see you again, but I didn't think I would. Why did you come back here?"

   "I wish I knew the answer to that." I really do. Hutch took a long swallow of beer. "To be completely honest, the reason I came back here is that I was hoping to see you again. I know I shouldn't be here. It's so damn wrong, but I can't seem to help myself." Hutch slid his plate away and motioned for the waitress. He needed another beer.

   "Is it because you're a cop that you think it's so wrong?" Sara studied the troubled face of the man across from her.

   "That's certainly reason enough. But there are other reasons, too. Let's just say I'm pretty messed up right now and leave it at that."

   "Okay, if that's what you want. But if you ever want to talk, I'm a real good listener."

   "I'll keep that in mind." Hutch slid the empty beer glass away. "I'm going to order another beer. Can I get you anything?"

   "No, nothing for me. Why don't you skip the beer and let's go back to my place?"

   "Sure, why not?" Hutch knew there was no point in debating the issue of whether to go or not. When he had turned his car in the direction of this bar, it had already been decided.

   "Hey, Ken, you still here?" Sara grinned down at Hutch and brushed the blond hair, damp with sweat, off his forehead.

   Hutch groaned, "Yeah, I think I'm still here. Are you trying to kill me?"

   "No, I just wanted to make you feel so good that maybe, at least for a little while, you would forget about whatever it is that's eating away at you."

   "You certainly succeeded in making me feel good. But I don't think there's much that can be done about what's bothering me." He reached up, took hold of her face, and held it gently. "It's not your problem. Don't start worrying about me."

   "I know it's not my problem, but I like you. You're a nice guy."

   Hutch sat up and leaned back against the headboard. "You don't know anything about me. If I were really a nice guy, I wouldn't be here right now. I wouldn't be using you the way I am. I'm not proud of any of this. I don't even know why I'm doing it." The pain was not only evident in his voice, but seemed to be etched on his face, too.

   "This is my choice. If I'm being used, I have only myself to blame. And you know what? I don't feel one bit used by you. You've been so nice to me. Nicer than anyone has ever been." Sara paused to catch her breath. But she wasn't finished. Hutch opened his mouth to say something, but Sara held up her hand to stop him. "Don't say anything. I'm not done." The expression on her face was thunderous, and Hutch quickly shut his mouth.

   "Yeah, you're a nice man. If there's one thing I know in my line of work, it's men. And you're one of the nice ones. And I bet it never even entered your mind that maybe I'm using you, too." Sara's eyes softened as they met Hutch's confused blue ones. "Yep, it's true; I use you. I use you to block out all the ugly things in my life. You're a cop, you know what I'm talking about. You're different than the rest. You smile at me, you call me by my name, and you're so considerate and gentle. So why shouldn't I care a little about you? Don't worry, I'm not looking for anything more than you've already given me. I'm not gonna fall in love with you and make a fool of myself or anything like that. So is what we're doing really so wrong if it gives us both some comfort? Makes us forget some of the pain we're feeling."

   Hutch hesitated, torn by conflicting emotions. But he couldn't deny that she had some very valid points. Or was he only grasping at straws trying to justify his actions?

   Sara could sense the struggle going on in Hutch's mind. "I think you spend way too much time feeling guilty. Are we really hurting anyone?"

   His hands reached out for her arms and he pulled her closer. "You're pretty smart for someone so young." She's right about me and guilt. Looking over at the clock on the night table, Hutch knew he should get going. He did have to be at work tomorrow.

   "I'll try to work on the guilt thing." He kissed her lightly on the forehead. "Now, do I get to ask you a couple of questions?"

   Sara looked puzzled for a second, then remembered the deal they had made at the bar. Sighing deeply, Sara moved next to Hutch and she, too, leaned back against the headboard. "Okay, two questions."

   "First, why aren't you back home with your family going to college and breaking all the young men's hearts?"

   "That sounds nice, Ken. But my home really wasn't all that great. I don't ever want to go back there." Biting her lip, Sara turned her face away.

   "Is this really all you want out of life, Sara?

   "No, I guess not." Her voice was a little resigned.

    Sara watched as Hutch pulled on his clothes. "Will I see you again?"

   "Yeah, you will. And we're going to talk some more about you going home."

   Hutch paused at the door and pulled out his wallet, placing some bills on the dresser.

   "One more question. What's your last name?"

   "What's your last name?" Sara grinned.

   "Fair enough," Hutch sighed. Mine's Hutchinson."

   "Matthews."

   "Good night, Sara Matthews." Hutch pulled the door closed behind him.

********

   "Dave, what's wrong?" Starsky had been quiet all evening. And Dana knew a quiet Starsky had to have something worrying him.

   "The usual, my partner. I know, I know…I worry too much about him."

   "I realize you know him much better than I do, but he seemed very relaxed and happy the other night when we had dinner."

   "Oh, I agree he was in high spirits the other night. But it's the rest of the time that has me worried. I mean, he's always busy when I ask him if he wants to grab something to eat or take in a movie. And he never wants to tell me what it is he's so busy with."

   "Dave, it seems to me that you've been spending most of your time with me lately. I'll bet there have been times that Hutch mentioned doing something, and you had to tell him you were busy. You don't expect him to just sit home waiting for you to have a free evening, do you?" Dana couldn't hold back a grin, as she watched Starsky mull over what she had just said.

   "Well, no, not exactly. But...I just can't believe he's busy all the time. And with who?" Starsky knew he was being a little unreasonable. But he missed Hutch.

   "Maybe you should make a little more time for Hutch. I'm sure if the two of you spent some time together, he'd talk more about what he's been doing."

   "Do you think maybe he got sick of me after spending so much time together after his accident?"

   "No, I don't think he got sick of you. Take my advice and make some time for just the two of you. Now, come on, I'll treat to you some ice cream."

   "Now you're talking." Starsky grinned and pulled Dana to her feet. "I never turn down ice cream."

********

   Hutch glared at the alarm clock. It was three-twenty in the morning, and he had been tossing and turning for several hours now. He knew why he couldn't sleep. He was feeling bad about avoiding Starsky. I know he's not buying any of my lame excuses. Well, some of them weren't so lame. I did have some things to take care of at the bank the other day. But I know he was waiting for an explanation of what kind of things. I should've told him the minute I decided to buy that house on the beach. Now when I tell him, he's going to wonder why I kept it a secret from him.

   Secrets...something we never had a need for. Our relationship has always been based on trust. How can anyone trust someone who starts keeping secrets? One secret--my changing feelings toward my partner--seems to have led to more...the beach house...Sara. I really didn't intend for things to get so messed up. So now what do I do? Sit my partner down and tell him how I feel about him? Then tell him about the nights I've been spending with a prostitute? Hutch groaned out loud at the thought of such a thing. I need to get some sleep.

   Tossing back the blankets, Hutch slid out of bed. I can't do this. I can't continue living like this.

   As Hutch turned on the bathroom light, his tired blue eyes blinked, struggling against the intrusion. As his eyes focused, he rummaged through the medicine cabinet. Finding what he was looking for, he opened the pill bottle and shook out two of the white tablets into his hand. Sleep...I need some sleep. After swallowing the sleeping pills, Hutch wandered back into the bedroom. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he stared at the phone that sat on the night table. Call him. Go on, call him. Call him and say what? Hey, Starsk...I'm sitting here unable to sleep because of all the lies I'm living. Hutch's eyes stayed fixed on the phone. Do it! Get it over with. With an unsteady hand, he reached for the phone. He listened as the phone rang only once, before it was picked up. Starsky's sleepy voice answered, "Hello. Hello. Anyone there?"

   Hutch sat filled with panic, as he listened to the voice of his best friend on the other end of the line. Answer him. I can't...I can't.

   "Hey, anyone there?" Starsky's voice was louder now. Hutch could hear a tinge of concern in Starsky's voice. He's wondering if it's me. And he could picture Starsky, now sitting up in bed, with a somewhat disturbed look on his face.

   Damn, what was I thinking? If I ever do decide to tell Starsky what I'm feeling, it can't be over the phone. Hutch started to hang up, but found himself automatically responding to Starsky. "Sorry..."

   "Hutch, what's wrong?" Starsky's voice now clearly sounded worried.

   "I'm sorry, Starsky. Nothing's wrong. Really. I just couldn't sleep and before I knew what I was doing, I dialed your number."

   "Hutch, you want me to come over?"

   "No, Starsk, that's not necessary."

   "You sure? Hutch, it's no trouble."

   "No, Starsk. I just took a couple of sleeping pills, so there's really no need for you to make the trip over here." Hutch hated hearing the concern in Starsky's voice.

   "Hutch, how come you can't sleep? What's wrong?" Starsky knew he wouldn't be able to sleep if he didn't find out what was troubling Hutch. "Hutch, what's keeping you from sleeping? Talk to me."

   "Just a little of this and that, Starsky. No one thing in particular." The temptation to let go and get all his feelings out in the open was almost too much for Hutch. He was relieved that the sleeping pills seemed to be taking effect. "Starsk, I'm getting sleepy now. Sorry for waking you up."

   "Hutch, how about we grab a couple of burgers and shoot some pool after our shift Monday?" There was no doubt in Starsky's mind that they needed some time together to just relax and have some fun. Like old times.

   "Sounds good, Starsk. I've missed you," Hutch's drowsy voice answered, as he hung up the phone.

********

   Monday, Hutch was humming as he drove to Huggy's. He was looking forward to the evening with Starsky. It had been a while since they'd spent any time away from work--just the two of them. He knew it was mostly his fault, he had been avoiding Starsky. But he missed him.

   Last night he had gone to see Sara, and for the first time, he had attempted to put his feelings for Starsky into words. Talking to her about Starsky seemed to have helped. She was a good listener. He hadn't been sure what her reaction to his confession would be, but she hadn't seemed surprised at all and had taken it in stride. She's quite a girl.

   They had also talked at length about Sara's future. Hutch was determined to get Sara out of her life of prostitution. He had done some checking and, between what he had found out and what Sara had told him, going back to her family was out of the question. They were going to talk later in the week about what her options were.

   Hutch parked his car behind Huggy's. He was starting to feel a little nervous. No reason to be nervous. Just relax and enjoy the evening with your best friend. And tell him about the house. No reason to keep that from him.

   Minutes after Starsky joined Hutch, Hutch felt himself relax. They joked back and forth with Huggy and Diane, as they ordered their burgers and beer. Once finished with their meal, they played a couple of games of pool. Each winning one game.

   Taking their seats back at their table, Hutch patted Starsky's back and grinned, "You know I let you win that one."

   "Sure, you did." Starsky laughed as Diane set another beer in front of each of them.

   "So, Dana get sick of you already?"

   "Not on your life, buddy." Starsky leaned back in his chair. Actually, her younger sister called. She's getting married soon and wanted Dana's help planning her wedding. So Dana's gone back home for a week."

   "That's too bad, Starsk."

   "It sure is, now I'm stuck with you." Starsky reached over and ruffled his partner's pale blond hair.

   "I think it's more like I'm stuck with you, partner," Hutch teased playfully.

   Starsky was relieved to see what seemed to be the same old Hutch sitting across from him. Maybe Dana had been right; there was nothing to worry about.

   "So, Hutch, what've ya been up to lately? You been seeing Erica?"

   "No. Not really seeing anyone." Hutch paused briefly, not at all happy with the fact that he had just lied to his friend. "I did make a major commitment, though."

   Starsky gave Hutch a puzzled look. "A commitment? What kind of commitment?"

   Hutch let out a nervous laugh. "You're not going to believe it. I bought a house."

   "You what?" Starsky's look had turned to one of stunned disbelief.

   "Just what I said, I bought a house. I sign the papers and pick up the keys on Friday."

   "You bought a house? Why?" Starsky was still staring dumbfounded at his partner across the table.

   "Starsk...not just any house. I bought the beach house. The one we lived in while I was recovering from my accident." Hutch was smiling broadly now, excited about his announcement.

   "The beach house?" Now it was Starsky's turn to smile. "Hey, that's great. I always thought it suited you."

   "You don't think I'm crazy?"

   "I know you're crazy," Starsky laughed. "But crazy doesn't have anything to do with this. I think it's great you bought the house."

   "You mean it?"

   "You bet I do. So when are you moving in?"

   "Moving in?" Hutch started to laugh. "You know, I hadn't even given a thought to moving in. I was just so anxious to buy the place because...well, because." Hutch struggled to find words to express how he felt about the beach house.

   "Hey, I know what you're trying to say." Starsky's voice held a hint of emotion, as though something Hutch had said touched him. "Despite everything that happened, that house holds a lot of memories. Most of them good."

   "Yeah...sometimes I find myself missing the days when it was just you and me. I owe you more than I can ever repay." Hutch pushed his empty beer glass nervously around the table, worrying that maybe he had said too much. Revealed more than he ever wanted to reveal.

   "I know what you mean." Starsky reached out, placing his hand on Hutch's and halting the movement of the beer glass. "I miss it, too. But you don't owe me anything. All I ever need is to know you're okay and that we'll always be friends like we are now."

   Starsky was silent for a few seconds. Hutch waited, knowing something was coming. And he was right. "Hutch, I owed you, buddy. If I hadn't screwed up that day and had picked you up when I was supposed to..."

   "None of that, Starsk. I never blamed you. Let's not ruin this nice evening with you wallowing in some kind of misplaced guilt. Guilt is my thing, not yours. And I hope you didn't devote yourself to taking care of me because you felt guilty."

   "No, I would've taken care of you anyway; you're my best friend." Starsky smiled. "you're right, let's not ruin our evening."

   "I think maybe we better call in a night, though. We do have to work in the morning. How about catching a movie this week since Dana has left you high and dry?"

   "Me, high and dry...when I've got you? A movie sounds good. Heck, I'll even let you choose one." Starsky pushed back his chair. "But you're right, we should call it a night."

   When they parted company in the parking lot, both men were smiling and content.

   The rest of the week passed in a happy blur for Hutch. Several evenings had been spent at Huggy's, and one night they had gone to a movie. But deep down, Hutch knew things would change when Dana returned. She would be returning from her sister's tomorrow. Maybe I'll just surprise Starsky tonight. He didn't mention having any plans. This could be our last chance to spend time together for a while.

********

   Once the decision was made, Hutch soon pulled up behind Starsky's Torino. We can order a pizza and play some monopoly or watch some old movie on TV. I'm going to be happy for him and let him get on with his life. But I still have to have him in my life, too. I can't give him up completely. He means too much to me. I just can't let things change between us because my feelings are going off in a new direction.

   After knocking several times on Starsky's door and receiving no answer, Hutch slipped his key into the lock. Probably in the shower. Once inside, the apartment was quiet. No sounds of water running coming from the bathroom. Hutch stood listening to the silence, wondering if he had missed Starsky outside somewhere.

   The silence of the apartment was broken by the sound of a voice speaking in low tones coming from the bedroom. It was Starsky, and Hutch heard the words, "I love you." Must be talking to Dana on the phone.

   Hutch heard a soft female voice and felt his heart almost stop beating. "Does that mean you missed me? I'm going to show you just how much I missed you." Dana's in there with Starsky. Shit, she must have come back early. I've got to get out of here.

   The bedroom door was just slightly open, not enough to see into the room, but enough so the voices and sounds coming from the bedroom were clear. Oh, God, they're going to fuck. As much as Hutch wanted to leave and as much as he knew he should, he seemed bolted to the floor. He stood as if paralyzed, listening to the creaking of the bed as the weight of two bodies fell onto it. The rustling of clothing being removed and then the sound of shoes hitting the floor brought an image of Starsky's naked and aroused body to Hutch's confused and befuddled mind. Starsky's hot, aroused body pressed tightly against Dana's welcoming body. Hutch clenched his eyes tightly closed, trying to block the image from his mind.

   The sounds coming from the bedroom seemed to intensify. "That's good...so good," Starsky moaned. Then Starsky gasped loudly and Hutch's eyes flew open. He knew exactly what was going on. The picture--vivid in his mind now--was of Dana's head bent over Starsky, sucking his cock deep into her throat. Hutch's hand rubbed against his own rock hard cock. Starsky...that should be me in there with you.

   "Oh...like that...just like that." Starsky's voice sounded husky and somewhat out of control. I want to do that to you, babe. I want to be the one giving you so much pleasure. I know I could do it. Hutch almost groaned out loud at the thought of taking Starsky into his mouth. Between the sounds of Dana greedily sucking Starsky's cock and Starsky's vocal enjoyment, Hutch thought he would go out of his mind.

   The bed shifted and now it was Dana moaning, as the creaking of the mattress became louder and faster. "Don't stop...Dave..." He's fucking her. She's going to come any time now. I have to get out of here. I can't be standing here outside Starsky's bedroom with a hard-on when they come out. Do I really want to be here when Starsky sends her over the edge? But it was too late. Dana was evidently a screamer and from the sounds of her screams, Starsky had done his job well. Hutch felt himself break out in a sweat. He knew he should get out while he still had time, but he stayed. He was waiting to hear Starsky cry out his release. Hutch knew it wouldn't be long now. Then he heard a harsh groan...

   "That's good...so good...oh..." From the sounds of sweaty flesh hitting sweaty flesh, Hutch knew Starsky was thrusting hard and fast. What did she just do to you, Starsky? Is she playing with your balls? Did she thrust one of her long fingers inside you? A feeling of such intense jealousy hit Hutch hard. I love you, Starsky. A loud strangled cry of satisfaction from Starsky jolted Hutch back to reality. He could hear Starsky's heavy panting, and pictured him exhausted and limp in Dana's arms. I've got to get out of here. As silently as he could manage, Hutch made his way to the door. He felt weak, as if he'd been the one to come rather than Starsky. But the aching bulge in his pants reminded him that he hadn't had the pleasure.

   Closing the door quietly behind him, Hutch stood gasping for air, like a drowning man. I never realized just exactly how much my feelings toward Starsky had changed. I've never been jealous of any woman Starsky was dating. But then I've never admitted to myself that I want Starsky in a physical sense. Maybe I didn't want to admit it. But now I have to face it. I want him.

PART TWO