The sun was just coming up Sunday morning, when Hutch awoke to an empty bed. Remembering that Sara had been with him when he fell asleep, he realized he was a bit disappointed that she was gone. Stretching, he yawned and then threw back the covers. "Sara?" he called out for her, half-hoping maybe she was still there. Despite the fact that he thought their relationship a bit twisted, he did find comfort in being around her.

   A quick walk through the apartment proved Hutch was alone. Might as well get used to it. Finding Sara's note on the table, he paused to read it. "Ken, I hope you slept well. Try not to worry about things with your partner. I'm sure you'll work things out. I promise I will make some decisions about my life and will pick out some classes. I'll make you proud. I'll talk to you real soon. Love, Sara."

   Hutch smiled as he placed the note back on the table. She'll be okay. Time for me to make some decisions concerning my own life. Loose ends are all tied up now. No reason I can't get out of here for a while. No reason at all, except for one rather large curly-haired loose end I've called my best friend for years. Just thinking of Starsky brought a smile to Hutch's face. I don't want to leave, Starsk, but you've given me no choice.

   After a hot shower and some coffee, Hutch took his medication and ate a quick breakfast. Now ready to face the day, he pulled a suitcase out of the closet and began tossing clothes into it. Then he gathered his things from the bathroom. Closing the suitcase, he stood and looked around his bedroom. The silver-framed photo on his dresser caught his eye. The two partners stood side-by-side, smiling broadly. Hutch remembered the day the photo was taken. It had been the last day of a long weekend of fishing at Dobey's cabin. Hutch grinned as he thought about the huge smile on Starsky's face. He was probably so happy because we'd soon be leaving the wilderness and heading back to civilization.

   Grabbing the photo off the dresser, Hutch opened his suitcase and laid it carefully on top of his clothing. Closing the suitcase, he took hold of it and headed out to his car. Once he had the suitcase safely stowed in the trunk, he went back upstairs for one last look around. He hadn't a clue where he was going or when he'd be back. Picking up his guitar, he closed the door quietly behind him.

   Unable to help himself, Hutch ended up driving slowly past Starsky's place. His eyes took in every little detail and committed them to memory to enjoy later. The red Torino parked in its usual place caused a lump to form in Hutch's throat. He'd miss teasing his partner about his taste in flashy cars and watches. Taking one long last look, he drove slowly away. I miss you already, buddy.

   Leaving the city behind him with no destination in mind, Hutch drove aimlessly for some time. His thoughts wandering almost as aimlessly as his driving. Memories of his grandfather and the peaceful times he'd spent at his farm helped him decide his destination. He would head for Duluth. Quickly calculating the distance in his head, Hutch knew he was in for one very long drive. But he had all the time in the world.

********

   Several times Hutch fought the urge to turn the car around, go back to LA and beg Starsky to forget everything he had said. I'd take medication the rest of my life and go to therapy daily if things could just go back to the way they used to be. Hutch tried to force his mind back to the task at hand, which was getting himself to Duluth. Face it, things will never be the same between me and Starsky. It's too late; the damage has been done. All the pills in the world won't fix our friendship.

   Hutch drove steadily for hours, stopping only when he realized he was low on gas. After filling the gas tank and getting a sandwich and cold drink, he was soon back on the road. Determined to get to Duluth as fast as he could, Hutch drove until fatigue forced him to halt for the night.

********

   Starsky had planned a romantic evening with Dana at his place, complete with flowers and champagne, in an attempt to make up for the night before. It hadn't been easy keeping his mind on Dana, while his thoughts continued wandering back to Hutch. What's he doing right now? Is he still feeling sick? He's probably feeling worse now. The knock on the door brought him back to the present. Taking one last satisfied look around, Starsky threw open the door with a flourish. The grin on his face plainly letting Dana know that he was pretty darn proud of himself.

   "Looks like a celebration." Dana looked around the candlelit room. "I'm impressed. Very fitting for my announcement."

   "You have an announcement?" Starsky popped the cork on the champagne and filled the two glasses. "So what are we drinking to?" Starsky lifted his glass and waited for her news. Somehow it doesn't seem right to be drinking to anything...not with things the way they are between Hutch and me.

   "Dave? I've been offered a fantastic job." Dana's voice almost shook from excitement and enthusiasm. "I still can't believe it."

   "Well, I'm a bit confused, I thought you had an interview next week." Starsky pulled Dana onto the couch. "Come on, give me all the details." Starsky was happy to see her so excited.

   "This is a totally unexpected job offer. It has nothing to do with the interview I have set up. I mean, I had sent them an application along with my resume months ago, but I never really expected to hear from them."

   With a soft chuckle, Starsky asked, "Are you ever going to tell me about it?"

   "Okay, I admit I'm excited. How does the title 'nursing supervisor' sound'? Better yet, how does Chicago sound?"

   His own excitement at Dana's promotion suddenly turned to shock. "Chicago? The job you've been offered is in Chicago?" Starsky felt his stomach drop.

   "Yeah, isn't that great? I'll actually be working at Cook County General in Chicago. Can you believe it?" Dana hadn't yet noticed the change that had come over Starsky.

   "What about us?" Starsky said as he got up from the couch. "I mean, I thought we had something good going here. A future."

   "We do have something good going, and I think we can have a future together." Now, Dana looked confused. "This is a great opportunity for me, Dave. I'll never get this chance here. I'm sure you can get a job in Chicago as a detective..." Her voice trailed off as she realized Starsky was no longer as thrilled about her job offer as she was. "What's wrong?"

   "Dana, I've never even considered leaving here. I like it here. I like my job. I feel like this is where I belong..." Now Starsky's voice trailed off. "I have a partner here that means the world to me." At least I hope I'll still have a partner here.

   "So, what you're saying is that your job here and your partner are more important to you than what I want?"

   "No, not more important. But at least as important. Be fair, Dana. You just drop this on me out of the blue and expect me to start packing? I can't do that. It's something I'll have to give some major thought to." Running his hands through his dark curls, he shook his head slowly. "I just don't know."

   "I think I'll just leave you to think this all over now. I'm no longer much in the mood for celebrating." Dana set her glass on the table and picked up her purse. "Call me when you've come to some kind of decision. I really hope you're not going to throw away our chance of a future together because you can't leave your partner."

   Starsky stood staring at the door, speechless, as Dana walked out of his apartment. Damn. First Hutch, now Dana.

   The bombshell Dana had dropped on him, was almost the last straw for Starsky. First Hutch and his revelation, and now Dana and this job offer in Chicago. The only word to describe the way he felt was numb. He couldn't sleep or eat. Hell, he couldn't even think. Normally, he would have gone over to Hutch's and poured out his feelings about the situation he found himself in with Dana. But that was an option he didn't have right now. Chicago, that's so far away. I love her, but moving away just never entered my mind. Could it be I don't love her enough? And what about Hutch? I've never even considered the possibility of not having him in my life. But can our friendship survive his new feelings and my damnable behavior?

   When Monday morning came, Starsky was still undecided as what to do about the relationships in his life falling apart. He had had a little too much to drink the night before. It hadn't helped anything and only left him with a hangover. Now he stared glumly at the alarm clock, watching the minutes go by. Between his hangover and his mood, he didn't see how he could function at work today. Can't function or can't face Hutch? I'll just tell Dobey I must've come down with whatever bug Hutch has.

   After making the call to Dobey, Starsky spent the day with his thoughts rambling alternately between Hutch and Dana. I really care about Dana, but do I love her enough to change my whole life? And what about Hutch? Can I really just up and leave and go off to Chicago?

   As Starsky's mind wandered, thoughts of Dana were replaced with memories of Hutch and the tragic accident that had nearly changed their lives so drastically. I almost lost him. It was really rough on both of us for a while, but we made it. No matter what, we've always had each other. We've always been there for each other.

   Thinking back to the night Hutch had revealed that he was in love with him, Starsky shook his head sadly. How could I have acted that way? The most important person in my life, and I don't even take the time to listen to him and try to sort things sort. It must have been so hard for him to find the courage to finally tell me what was bothering him. God, it's actually making him physically sick. How could I have been so insensitive?

   Glancing at his watch, Starsky realized it was a few hours before Hutch's shift would be over. I've got to see him. We'll sit down and have a nice, calm talk. I'll really listen to what he has to say. There has to be a way to fix this.

   A hot shower and a sandwich later, Starsky was feeling better. He was convinced that things with Hutch would be patched up and back to normal by the end of the evening. We've always worked things out in the past. No reason we can't do it now.

********

   Starsky pulled up outside Hutch's building and was disappointed to see his partner's car was not there. It had been three days since Hutch had ordered him out of his apartment. I can't blame him, though. What an unfeeling jerk I was that night.

   Not bothering to knock, Starsky let himself in with his key. The apartment was quiet. Quiet and empty. Starsky walked through the silent apartment taking in the neat and orderly appearance. He's gone. Starsky felt a little chill run down his spine. Something wasn't right. Things just seem too neat. Taking a closer look around the apartment, Starsky's eyes scanned the room, looking for any kind of clue as to where Hutch might have gone. Something's missing. His guitar is gone. The beloved guitar was no longer in its usual spot.

   Rushing into Hutch's bedroom, he quickly rummaged through the closet. His suitcase is gone. His guitar's gone. Panic began to build in Starsky. He's gone. What have I done? Okay, okay, calm down. Starsky sat down on the bed and tried to focus on the important issue of where Hutch could have gone. Hutch is hurting and confused right now. Where would he go? Home to his parents? Not likely. Then where? I'm a detective, how hard can this be? Work it like a case.

   Starsky started adding up what he did know. Hutch had been here Friday. The last time I saw him. Saturday I saw that girl leaving Hutch's place so, I can assume he was still here Saturday night. So Hutch could have either left Sunday or today. Sunday while my relationship with Dana was beginning to sink, or today while I sat home feeling sorry for myself.

   Deciding the girl might be the best place to start, Starsky headed off to talk to her. Then he would have to go see Dobey and let him know he would need some time off. I know he's not going to be too happy about that. Wait a minute...Dobey, maybe he knows something. Hutch must have arranged some time off with the captain.

   Pulling up in front of the building he had followed the young woman to the other night, Starsky was feeling confident. He was sure after talking to this girl and then Dobey, he would know where Hutch had gone. Kind of curious to see what this girl's like. Hutch and a hooker, I still find the whole idea unbelievable.

   As Starsky started to get out of the car, he looked up to see the woman approaching the building. She really is young. Sara's hair was pulled back from her face, revealing her youth and that hint of innocence. Hutch, she's so young. Even if she wasn't a hooker, she just doesn't look like your type.

   Opening the car door, Starsky got out and moved toward the girl. He started to reach for his badge, but reconsidered. This wasn't a case and she wasn't a suspect.

   Seeing the dark-haired man approaching her, Sara stood and waited for him. The thought he might be a possible client was quickly shoved aside as she remembered she wasn't interested in possible clients anymore. She was starting a new life. He is kind of cute, though.

   "Can, I talk to you for a minute?" Starsky asked as Sara stared intently at him.

   "What about?" Sara couldn't help feeling suspicious. "Are you a cop?"

   Starsky hesitated for a second. He hadn't been expecting that question. "Yeah, I'm a cop, but I want to talk to you about a friend of mine." Starsky motioned across the street. "Can I buy you a cup of coffee?"

   "Your friend have a name?" Sara suddenly had the sinking feeling she knew who this cop was.

   "Yeah," Starsky said softly. "Hutch...uh, Ken Hutchinson."

   Sara found Starsky's eyes watching her. She knew he was looking for some sign that she recognized the name. But at the same time, she knew he was sure he was on the right track.

   "Sure, coffee sounds good."

   Once settled in a booth in the coffee shop, they sat silent, both feeling somewhat awkward. A little embarrassed, Starsky cleared his throat, not sure how to proceed. He was about to start prying into his partner's personal life, and it was not a good feeling.

   Sara broke the silence. "I take it you're Ken's partner and you want to know about my relationship with him." Her comment was more a statement than a question. "I can't help you. You'll have to talk to Ken."

   "I'd like nothing better than to talk to Hutch. But I can't, he's gone and I need to find him." His voice had an edge of cold determination.

   "Like I said, I can't help you. He didn't say anything to me about going anywhere." Sara's voice was steady but also tinged with determination.

   "It wasn't his relationship with me that made him go away." Starsky felt a warm flush spread over his face at Sara's words. She reached for her cup of coffee that had been sitting cooling in front of her.

   "Look, I know you were at his place Saturday. Are you sure he didn't say where he was going?"

   "He didn't say anything about going away. We didn't really talk all that much."

   "I'll bet." Feeling extremely frustrated with the way the conversation with Sara was going, he couldn't keep the sarcasm out of his voice.

   "Hey, don't take it out on me because you messed up with Ken. None of this is my fault. And not that it's any of your business, but the reason we didn't talk much is because Ken looked awful and I convinced him to get some sleep."

   For a brief moment, Starsky felt a sense of betrayal. It was obvious Hutch had told this girl about his feelings for Starsky. He confided in a hooker. He talked to her about me. And why not? He was afraid to say anything to me and it seems he had good reason. It was also obvious that this girl did care for Hutch. She's not exactly what I expected.

   "I'm sorry. I don't mean to take any of this out on you. I'm just worried about him. I guess you know things are kind of a mess between the two of us." Starsky's earlier confidence that he would soon find Hutch was quickly fading.

   "I'm sorry, too. I know you're worried about him. Maybe he just needs to be alone for a while. Do you really think there's anything to worry about?" Sara had softened her tone. She reminded herself that Ken loved this dark-haired man sitting across from her, nervously stirring his coffee.

   "I don't know what I think anymore. I just want to try and make things right between us. I handled everything so badly." Starsky paused for a few seconds. "I'm worried because I know how Hutch is. He'll analyze and pick things apart until he's convinced it's all his fault. And once he's convinced, he'll let guilt eat away at him." Starsky laughed softly. "You know, sometimes it's a full-time job for me, trying to keep Hutch's guilt from consuming him."

   "Yeah, I can believe that."

   Starsky looked up at Sara. "You noticed?"

   "I do know about his tendency for guilt," Sara shrugged. "You can imagine the guilt he's been suffering about his involvement with a hooker young enough to be his daughter."

   "God, no wonder he's making himself sick." Starsky, for the first time, really studied the young woman sitting across from him. Young and pretty. She doesn't really look like a hooker. She's smart, too. And she seems almost protective of Hutch. Yeah, Hutch has to be drowning in guilt.

   "I know you don't want to talk about your relationship with Hutch, but I have to admit I'm kind of curious. I just don't see Hutch...well...don't see Hutch with a prostitute. No offense, it's just that Hutch...he's a pretty moral kind of guy."

   "No offense taken. I'm what I am. I understand your being surprised. Hell, even shocked. And you're right, Ken is a very moral kind of guy. I think he's been fighting some kind of battle within himself ever since the first night we spent together."

   "How did you two happen to meet? I don't see Hutch going out looking for a..." Starsky was beginning to feel uncomfortable and tried to think of another, less demeaning word.

   "No, I don't think he was looking for anything except maybe drowning his sorrows in a few beers that night. I knew he was a pretty good candidate. He'd had a few, and he looked like he'd lost his best friend." Sara smiled thinking about that first night with the blond cop.

   "You care about him, don't you?" Starsky saw the somewhat wistful expression on her face.

   "Sure, I care about him. He's different from what I'm used to. He's nice to me. He seemed so lost and alone that night. I remember he changed his mind and started to leave, but I convinced him that I was just what he needed. I think I wanted to believe I could help him somehow. Somehow it just became important to me to make him feel better."

   "Did you make him feel better?" Starsky asked, needing to satisfy his curiosity and to try and understand what Hutch had been going through.

   "Yeah, I think you could say he was feeling pretty good. Well, in a manner of speaking, anyway. That is, until he got to feeling guilty." Sara couldn't help but laugh softly remembering. "He didn't think he'd been much of a gentleman and wanted to make it up to me. Can you believe that? I even reminded him I was a hooker and that it didn't matter." Her face grew very serious. "But it mattered to him. He was so gentle. He did things...he made me feel..." Sara got to her feet suddenly. "I think I've said way too much."

   Starsky could see she was blushing at having revealed so much. "It's okay. This is just between us." She really cares about him.

   "I really shouldn't have said anything. I think deep down he's ashamed of needing me the way he did." Sara struggled against the urge to cry. "I think he really did need me, you know?"

   "I think he did, too." Starsky felt a lump forming in his throat. "And I'm glad you were there for him. I may not understand how or why he found you, but I think I'm kind of glad he did."

   "You'll let me know when you find him, won't you? And when you do, make sure you get things settled between the two of you."

   "Of course I'll let you know." Starsky was on his feet now. "Come on, I'll walk you back to your place."

   "Thanks for the coffee." Sara paused as she turned to enter the shabby hotel. "You find him and take care of him, okay? He looked really bad. He needs you."

   "You can count on it. We always have taken care of each other." Starsky pulled his keys of out his pocket.

   "Give Ken a message for me when you find him. Tell him, I've been thinking about classes and I need a little advice from him."

   "I'll pass that on, and I'm sure he's gonna be happy to hear that. I'll be in touch."

   As Starsky pulled away, planning to stop at the station and talk to Captain Dobey, he realized he had forgotten all about Hutch's beach house. Could that be where Hutch went? Makes sense, he always liked it there.

   Starsky hit the gas a little harder and turned toward the beach. Please let him be there. I really need to talk to him. Shit, if he thinks he's confused, he should be in my shoes. Tell me there isn't something wrong with a guy searching frantically for his best friend, while the woman he loves is waiting for an answer about their future. Something wrong? Maybe not...maybe I just haven't figured out who is the most important person in my life.

   Starsky's hopes were dashed when he arrived at the beach house and there was no sign of Hutch's car. Starsky walked around the small house, looking for any kind of sign that Hutch had been there. But there was nothing. Damn, I'm getting nowhere.

   He found himself drawn to the water, much the way Hutch would have been. Staring out over the ocean, he couldn't help but wish Hutch was there with him. This is where you belong, Hutch. You love it here. Where the hell are you? Are you okay? Please don't hate me.

   Starsky remembered standing in the window of the house and watching Hutch as he stood practically in the same spot where Starsky now stood. You looked so damn good, Hutch. You were on your feet and walking. Something you never really believed you'd do again. Even though I kept telling you you could do it, there were times I was afraid it might never happen, buddy. But I would've stuck with you. You know that, don't you? I know we had a few bad moments here, but in some ways we were closer than ever during our stay here.

   Starsky shook his head as if to clear out all the memories. Well, I can stand here living in the past or I can get busy, find you, and try to work things out with you so we might have some kind of future together. Partners, friends, or...

   "Damn it!" Starsky slammed his car door. Well, that was a wasted trip. Dobey had been no help at all. All he could tell him was that Hutch was on leave. Medical leave. Great, I've got a partner who thinks he's crazy and now he's disappeared. Think, damn it! I can do this. I'm a detective and my partner is missing. I just have to think like Hutch. If I were Hutch, and I was hurt and confused, where would I go? Normally, Hutch would go to his partner. But since Hutch's partner acted like a total bastard and is the reason Hutch took off in the first place, that rules that out. What about home to Duluth to spend some time with his parents? Nope, that's not where an already hurting Hutch would go.

   It would be so much easier looking for a missing person if I had a partner. As Starsky pulled out of the parking lot, his stomach let out a loud rumble. Not only do I need a partner, I need some food. Huggy's.

   Huggy had looked questioningly at a Starsky without a Hutch, but for once didn't comment.

   "What'll it be?" Huggy asked as Starsky slid into a booth.

   "A beer, one of your famous burgers, and some help finding my partner."

   "Is that all?" Huggy turned and yelled out Starsky's order to Diane and took a seat across from the dark-haired, sad-looking detective.

   "What's up with Hutch?"

   "He's gone."

   "You two have a lovers' quarrel?" Huggy joked.

   "Yeah, something like that." Starsky refused to let Huggy's comment shake him. "I can't give you the details, but Hutch has taken off. Sort of a combination of things piling up on him. I think he just needed some time alone. But I really need to make sure he's okay."

   "Have you checked with his family?"

   "No, not yet, but I really doubt he's with his parents right now."

   "Well, Hutch does like the great outdoors. Camping, maybe, or how about Dobey's cabin?"

   "He does like the wilderness. But I don't think he went to Dobey's cabin. Dobey would have said something." Starsky's face suddenly lit up. "He may not be with his parents, but I'll bet he's not far from them." Starsky set down the empty beer bottle, not even realizing how quickly he had emptied it.

   "Where?" Huggy asked as he motioned for another beer for Starsky.

   "His grandfather's farm. Hutch is always talking about the good times he had there. He was close to his grandfather. The farm belongs to Hutch now. I was there once with Hutch. He loves it there." Starsky couldn't keep the excitement out of his voice. He was sure that's where Hutch had gone.

   Huggy shook his head, "How can you be so sure that's where Hutch went?"

   "I can't explain it, Huggy, but I'm telling you, Hutch has gone to his grandfather's farm. I know it."

   Swallowing the last of his second beer, Starsky got to his feet.

   "Where you off to in such a rush?" Huggy asked, even though he knew Starsky would be on his way to Duluth as soon as humanly possible.

   "I've got things to do. I've got to see Dobey about some time off, I've got to make a plane reservation, and I've got to get packed." Starsky tossed some bills down on the table and then grinned at Huggy. "Time's a wastin'." Starsky was clearly feeling much better than when he had arrived.

********

   But his good mood was short-lived. Captain Dobey quickly denied his request for some time off. "I'm sorry, Starsky, but I just can't spare you right now. With Hutch off on leave and three others on vacation, I'm shorthanded as it is."

   "But, Cap'n." Starsky's tone was pleading. Almost desperate.

   "Starsky, I've explained it to you. No time off until Anderson comes back from vacation next Monday." Dobey tried to keep the impatience he was feeling out of his voice, but he knew he wasn't succeeding. "Starsky, look, I know you're worried about Hutch, but he's a grown man and can take care of himself. Right now, he's following his doctor's suggestion that he take some time off." Dobey had softened his tone a bit. "Starsky, get out of here. Take the rest of the day off. But I want you back here first in the morning. Is that understood? None of this I've come down with a bug'."

   "Yeah, it's understood." Starsky stomped out the office, somehow resisting the temptation to slam the door. Shit, a whole week until I can fly out to Duluth and see Hutch. I don't know why I'm worrying so much, but I just hate the thought of him alone. Alone and wondering what the hell has happened to his life. He wouldn't do anything crazy, would he? Starsky shuddered at the thought but pushed it out of his mind. Nope, that's not Hutch's style at all. Then again, Hutch's style seems to have changed quite drastically lately. Forcing his mind back on the task at hand, which was getting himself home, Starsky hit the gas and moved out of the parking lot.

   As soon as he was through the door, Starsky tossed his jacket aside and dialed Hutch's number, hoping maybe his partner had changed his mind and returned home. But no answer. Sliding off his holster and gun, Starsky next dialed the airport and made a reservation for a flight late Sunday night.

   Settling down on the couch with a cold beer, Starsky jumped as the phone rang. Hutch? Almost spilling his beer in his haste to get to the phone, he reached out with a trembling hand. "Hello. Hutch?"

   "Sorry, Dave, it's only me. You do remember me?" Dana's voice didn't hold its usual cheery tone.

   "Sorry, Dana, I've been trying to get a hold of Hutch." No point in telling her my problems with Hutch. I already have enough problems with her.

   "Don't worry about it, Dave. I just wanted to let you know that I am flying to Chicago tomorrow to look for an apartment. I'll be starting my new job in two weeks. I guess this is the end of what might have been a really good relationship. Sorry it had to end this way. Guess we both want different things." Dana's voice had softened and Starsky could hear the sadness she was feeling.

   "Dana, it doesn't have to end like this. There must be a way for us to work things out."

   "No, I don't think so, Dave. Face it, if you have to make a choice, it's going to be Hutch. I think you made that decision a long time ago, you just haven't realized it yet."

   "So it's over?" There was a faint tremor in his voice as her words began to sink in. "I don't know what to say." Everyone's leaving me.

   "You don't have to say anything, Dave. If you should at some point realize that you need more than Hutch, I hope you'll call me. Good-bye."

   Starsky heard the click of the phone as Dana hung up. Terrific just terrific. Maybe I should consider getting a dog. Man's best friend and all. Then again with my luck even man's best friend wouldn't stick around long.

   Hutch stopped driving only when necessary to eat or sleep. The memories of his grandfather and the farm kept him moving. The farm had always symbolized peace to Hutch, and peace was something he was in dire need of now.

   Three days after leaving his home and partner behind, he arrived in Duluth. He stopped in town long enough to stock up on groceries and other essential items. Thinking of how close he was to his parents made him feel a tinge of guilt. No way I can deal with them now. They'd have a ton of questions about what I was doing here. The thought of dealing with his parents sent Hutch quickly on his way out of the city. He had about a forty-minute drive to the farm.

   Hutch drove slowly up the driveway toward his grandfather's house. He halted the car halfway up the winding drive and sat quietly, as memories of his grandfather and the time he had spent here with him washed over him. I miss you, Grandfather. We had such good times here. Peaceful times. This place was always a refuge whenever life became too complicated and difficult for me to deal with. And here I am again, looking for refuge. Only wish you were here, too. Grandfather, I sure need to talk to you. You always had the answers I needed, or at least pointed me in the direction I needed to go to find my answers. And, boy, do I need some direction now.

   Putting the car in gear, Hutch headed up the driveway, his thoughts still lingering fondly on his grandfather. He took in the familiar sights of the sturdy old farmhouse and faded red barn. The garden was in need of some attention, but still looked beautiful in the late August sun. Both the house and barn were a bit more weathered looking than he remembered. Hutch struggled to swallow the lump in his throat as his hand wiped at a tear that had begun to trail down his cheek.

   Before taking his suitcase into the house, Hutch walked slowly around it. The house was in need of a fresh coat of paint. The barn, too. Nothing like some good, old-fashioned hard work to keep one's mind occupied. A neighbor down the road had been acting as caretaker since the death of Hutch's grandfather, but the elderly man was only able to do the most basic maintenance. Clearly, Hutch would have plenty of work to keep him busy during his stay.

   Later, with the car unloaded and things put away, Hutch sat outside on the front porch. The late afternoon sun felt good and Hutch closed his eyes. Wonder what Starsky's doing now? Probably something with Dana. The thought of Starsky and Dana together brought to mind the time he had stood outside Starsky's bedroom door. Thank God Starsky doesn't know about that. If he found the idea of me being in love with him disgusting, what the hell would he think if he knew I had listened to him and Dana making love? And then gone home and…I'm so sorry, Starsk.

   I should never have told him about the way I was feeling. I should have kept it to myself, gone into therapy and learned to deal with it. I don't want to lose the most important person in the world to me. He's my best friend and I need him in my life. Starsky and his damn talk to me crap. Talking is why things are so messed up now. The thought of losing his best friend hurt so badly, Hutch felt the all too familiar feeling of nausea as he wiped at the hot tears he now found trickling slowly down his face. Okay, pull yourself together. Keep taking the medication, learn to deal with your feelings in some way, and then go home and beg Starsky to give your friendship one more try.

   The long drive to Duluth had taken its toll and Hutch could no longer ignore the fact that he needed some sleep. Forcing himself to his feet and into the house, Hutch was soon asleep in his childhood room.

********

   Hutch's sleep was interrupted on and off throughout the night by dreams of Starsky. Always the same dream--an angry and out-of-control Starsky screaming his disgust at Hutch. The dreams were so real that every time he awoke, he was almost expecting to find Starsky ranting at him from the foot of the bed. Damn, usually Starsky comforts me after a bad dream. Now, suddenly, he's the cause of my nightmares.

   The medication seemed to be making a difference in the way Hutch felt physically. But nothing could take away the pain he felt deep in his very soul. It was always with him. During the day he kept busy working around the farm, but sometimes, despite his best effort, thoughts of Starsky intruded and the pain was back. The nights were worse. Night after night, he relived the time he had told Starsky how he really felt. And night after night, he relived the shame he felt as he saw the look of disgust on Starsky's face. At times, he worried he'd spoken before thinking. Did I really love Starsky that way? Or have I destroyed the most precious thing in the world to me for no reason? Maybe it was just some sort of damned after-effect from the accident? Could I have become too dependent on Starsky?

   No matter what he did to try and force Starsky from his mind, Hutch's thoughts always came back to the emptiness he felt without his friend. He's always been there for me. But this time I demanded too much. He's had enough...he was there through that damnable divorce mess with Vanessa, and he was there to pick up the pieces when Forest finished with me. And he took such good care of me when I couldn't walk. He's the only reason I'm walking again. Without him I'd be sitting in a wheelchair, probably bitter and hating the world. Instead, we're still working together as partners. And I ruined it all by wanting too much from him.

********

   By Thursday, Starsky was frustrated and irritable and was snapping at everyone. His fellow officers had quickly learned to keep their distance. He knew he was behaving badly; he knew it, but he didn't seem to be able to stop it. He was worried about Hutch and that was all he could think about. He had asked himself time after time what he was so worried about. Hutch needed some time away. Should that be cause for concern? Probably not. But at some point, Starsky wondered if what really worried him was that Hutch's feelings might change again. Not only might Hutch no longer be in love with him, but maybe he didn't even like him anymore.

********

   Saturday morning, Dobey poured a cup of coffee and watched as a bleary-eyed Starsky straggled in. "Good morning, Starsky."

   "And just what's so good about it, Cap'n?"

   "There's a lot of things good about it, young man. Take, for instance, the sun is shining. Then there's also the fact you're young and healthy. Better yet, maybe you should consider it a good morning just because you still have a job despite the nasty attitude you've displayed all week." Dobey's tone was always kind of gruff, but now it held a tinge of anger.

   Starsky flushed slightly at Dobey's words. "Sorry, Cap'n, you're right. I know...I haven't been easy to get along with this past week. I'll work on that."

   "Don't bother Starsky, I don't think anyone around here could handle so much as another hour with you. So, get out of here. Go find Hutch if that's what will improve your mood."

   Starsky stood almost dumfounded. "You mean it?"

   "Yes, I mean it. Now get out of here. Oh, and don't think I'm doing this for you. I'm doing it for everyone who's had to put up with your nonsense this week. And when you get back, there had better be a major change for the better in your attitude." Dobey motioned toward the door. "Get out of here before I change my mind."

   Not wanting to give Dobey a chance to reconsider, Starsky was quickly out the door after thanking him one more time. Arriving home, he wasted no time calling the airline. He was relieved to hear the voice on the other end of the phone tell him there was no problem with him switching tomorrow's reservations for tonight. Grabbing the pad of paper that sat by the phone, Starsky scribbled the flight number and the departure and arrival times down. Another quick call assured him he would have a rental car waiting for him. Now all he needed to do was pack and somehow occupy himself until time to leave for the airport. I wish I could have gotten an earlier flight. But then again, I need to figure out what I'm going to say to Hutch when I get there. What's his reaction going to be when he finds out that I let the woman I thought just might be the one leave town without me because I couldn't or wouldn't leave him? So, Hutch, I think I might be just as screwed up as you are.

   By the time Starsky boarded the plane that evening, he still hadn't a clue what to say or do when he finally came face-to-face with his best friend.

   Hutch was tired after putting in another day working on the many repairs that needed doing around the farm. He had already painted the outside of the house and weeded the many perennial flowerbeds his grandparents had so enjoyed. He had felt only a slight twinge of guilt when he had made a trip into Duluth for paint and other things he'd needed. Truth be told, if anyone should feel any guilt about me being in Duluth and not seeing my parents, it should be them.

   If it hadn't been for Starsky's shadow seeming to hover over him at all times, Hutch might have enjoyed the time working on the farm. Even the utter exhaustion and the aches and pains of so much physical labor were not enough to guarantee Hutch a good night's sleep, though. Most nights, he swallowed down the prescribed sleeping pills, grateful he had thought to have the prescription refilled before fleeing.

   The sun was just setting when Hutch decided to call it a night and fix himself something to eat. After a quick wash-up, Hutch moved around the kitchen, preparing dinner. Saturday night usually meant a pizza and some beer with Starsky. Then maybe a game of Monopoly. Now it means a pork chop, baked potato, and a salad. Alone. Somehow the thought that he might be eating better without his partner provided no comfort at all. I miss him.

   Taking his dinner outside, he sat at the weathered old picnic table where he had shared many meals with his grandfather. Even the picnic table needs work. Hutch mentally added that to the growing list of things he wanted to do before he left. Leave and go where? I can't see myself going back and facing Starsky anytime soon. And even then what would I do? I think our partnership is pretty well finished.

   Realizing his dinner was getting cold, Hutch picked up his fork and started to eat. It was a perfect late summer evening. The breeze that drifted softly was warm with only a hint of the coming of fall. He remembered his last trip here a few years ago. Starsky had been with him. They had only stayed a couple of days, but those days had become another fond memory of the farm. Hutch had shown Starsky around, and they had talked and shared some of their childhood experiences with each other. Looking out across the familiar yard where he had spent so much of his childhood, he wished with all his heart he could just surrender himself to the quiet peacefulness of the farm. Put the pain behind him and just enjoy the serenity of being someplace he loved so much. But being who he was, Hutch knew he couldn't do that. He wasn't made that way. He had to dwell on every painful thing that came his way. It really wasn't necessary to run away to the farm was it? No peace here, just memories of better times. And still the pain. Realizing he wasn't as hungry as he had thought, he gathered up his plate and silverware and returned to the kitchen.

   Fifteen minutes later, the kitchen was clean and he had found something to read amongst his grandfather's varied collection of books. Settling into the big armchair that had sat next to the fireplace for as long as he could remember, Hutch opened the book. But he had barely turned a page when his thoughts wandered back to Starsky. No, it wasn't just some stupid reaction to my accident that makes me feel this way. Damn it, I do love you, Starsky. No, I'm in love with you. But why couldn't you just have said, "thanks, but no thanks?" Why did you have to...but, hell, why wouldn't you go off the deep end if your best friend suddenly admits that he wants to jump your bones? If you had only let me explain. I would've told you that it didn't matter if you felt the same way. Nothing had to change. I just didn't feel right keeping something like that from you. I need you in my life, Starsk. I can settle for just being friends. Can I? Yes, damn it, if I have to I can. I'll even learn to live with the fact that you have Dana in your life.

   Dropping the book onto the floor, Hutch leaned his head back and closed his eyes. Dana, I'd almost forgotten about her. Hutch felt his stomach churn. Who am I kidding? I can't even face Starsky, let alone try to pretend my feelings haven't changed. And Dana, I know I couldn't deal with seeing her with Starsky all the time.

   Despite the turmoil churning through his mind, the day's physical labor and the resulting exhaustion won out, and he was soon asleep in the chair. Loud and incessant pounding on the front door rudely interrupted the peace he had found in sleep. Confused and still numb from sleep, it took Hutch a few seconds to realize the racket that had wakened him was coming from the door. Coming out of the fog he seemed to be in, Hutch, stumbling slightly, made his way to the front door.

   Opening the door, Hutch stared into a pair of familiar blue eyes. The sight of his slightly ill-at-ease partner standing in front of him literally took his breath away. He had to remind himself to breathe. Torn between sure sheer joy and absolute terror at seeing Starsky, he wasn't sure what to say. But the terrified part of him won out and all he could utter was, "How did you find me?"

   Starsky had never been this nervous around Hutch in his life. Trying his best to disguise that fact, he grinned and replied, "Hey, what can I say, I'm a good detective."

   "Okay, why did you find me?" Hutch felt himself steeling to protect himself at any cost, determined to keep his guard up at all times around Starsky. I won't allow myself to get hurt.

   "Why? We're partners and I thought we were friends." This is going to be harder than I thought. "I was worried about you."

   "As you can see, I'm just fine. You can turn around and go on back to your life." Hutch hated himself for his coldness, but right now it was the only weapon he had to use. Unsure of what Starsky was up to, he was taking no chances.

   "Hutch, it's late. I'm tired. I don't even know if I can get a flight out of here tonight." I'm not going anywhere until I've had my say. Starsky hoped his pleading tone would have an effect on Hutch. If I have to sleep in my rental car tonight, I will. I'm not going anywhere until we settle things. One way or another. "I really think we need to talk."

   Hutch felt himself weakening but only a little. "Okay, you can stay. But only for tonight. That's it. I came here to be alone. Understood?"

   "Understood." Round one is over and I won it.

   Hutch stepped aside and let the relieved Starsky through the door. "You can sleep in the guestroom."

   Starsky followed Hutch up the stairs, noticing the rigid set of the blond's shoulders. I definitely have my work cut out for me.

   Starsky sat his suitcase down and then tried to help, as Hutch quickly made up the bed with fresh linens. "If you need anything, just let me know." Hutch turned and walked out of the room.

   Who the hell was that? I feel like I'm staying in a hotel.

   Hutch spent half the night tossing and turning. Even though he wouldn't admit it to Starsky, it was comforting knowing he was just down the hall. Comforting, but at the same time, just a little unsettling.

   The next morning, Starsky woke to the scent of fresh coffee wafting its way up the stairs. Stretching, he threw back the covers and quickly pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Might as well get started on our talk. Get things smoothed over and then I can enjoy a few days off from work.

   "Good morning, Blondie."

   "And just what's so good about it?" Hutch was hanging on to his cold, indifferent attitude. He didn't trust this unbelievably cheerful Starsky. Not while he still had a clear image of the disgusted Starsky who had lashed out at him.

   "You better not ever ask Dobey that." Starsky couldn't help smiling, thinking about how he'd asked Dobey that exact question yesterday.

   "Thanks for the warning. Now how about you get on the phone and get yourself a flight back home?

   "How about before I do that, we do some talking about what's going on with us?"

   "Talk. You want to talk? Well, count me out, buddy. That last talk we had will last me a lifetime. Thanks, but no thanks!"

   "Hutch, come on, be reasonable here. We need to get things cleared up between us. We can't let this go on any longer. Doesn't our friendship mean anything to you?" Starsky's good mood was quickly being replaced by a panicky feeling that maybe their friendship didn't matter anymore to Hutch. "I said things that night I shouldn't have said. I admit I was a jerk. Come on, Hutch, let's talk this mess out and get our lives back on track." Starsky was begging now. Please, Hutch."

   "Get it through your head, Starsky, I don't want to talk. Not now. Not ever." Hutch's blue eyes held an almost lethal calmness. "Now, I've got things to do. Help yourself to some breakfast and then make that call."

   Starsky cringed at the sound of the back door slamming. He's pissed! Starsky watched as Hutch angrily lurched toward the barn. A few minutes later, Hutch came out of the barn with a ladder and a bucket of paint. From the way Hutch was stomping around and throwing things, it was clear he was angry.

   Damn you, Hutchinson. I admitted I was a jerk for reacting that way. I've apologized and I want to talk about it. But, no, you've got to be totally unreasonable. Well, I've had enough. Starsky pulled open the door and loudly and angrily shouted, "Hutch, you get off that damn ladder and get in here now."

   Startled, Hutch turned at the sound of Starsky's angry bellow, causing the already unsteady ladder to topple over. Starsky watched in horror, as the blond seemed to hurtle to the ground in slow motion. The ladder clattered noisily to the ground as Hutch's body hit hard, landing half on top of the ladder and half on the now paint-splattered ground.

   Hutch! Starsky fought his rising panic, as he made his way to where his friend lay sprawled on the ground. Stay calm. Starsky's heart was thumping madly as he knelt beside Hutch.

   Starsky was almost afraid to touch him. But needing to know just how badly Hutch was hurt, he reached out a trembling hand. Hutch had landed partially on his side across the ladder. Gently, Starsky rolled his partner toward him. "Hutch? Hutch, come on, open your eyes." Starsky quickly scanned his partner's body for any obvious signs of injury. The only thing noticeable was a gash above Hutch's left eye that already showed signs of swelling and bruising.

   Hutch's eyelids fluttered, and then his eyes opened to meet the concerned eyes of his partner staring down at him. "Starsk, what happened?" Hutch made an attempt to get up, but Starsky held him firmly in place.

   "You and that ladder took a nasty fall. I don't think you should move around too much until we find out how bad you're hurt. You could have some broken bones." Starsky ran his hands across Hutch's chest searching for signs of broken ribs.

   "I don't think anything is broken. Just help me up."

   "Where does it hurt?" Starsky didn't want to take any chances on complicating any injuries Hutch might have.

   "It hurts everywhere. Just help me up, would you?"

   "Take it slow, buddy." Starsky told a firm hold on his partner and slowly helped ease him to his feet.

   Hutch groaned loudly when his weight on his ankle brought a jolt of pain. "My ankle," Hutch gasped.

   "You think it's broken?" Starsky looked anxiously at Hutch. "You know it might be a good idea to let a doctor look you over. You did hit pretty hard. And that's a nasty looking cut on your head." Hutch just shook his head. It was clear to Starsky that Hutch was in a lot of pain.

   "Nothing’s broken and I don't need a doctor. Just get me into the house, okay?"

   "Sure, let's take it slow and easy." After what seemed an eternity to both men, they finally made it to the house. Starsky tried to ease Hutch into the chair next to the fireplace as gently as possible, but despite his best efforts, Hutch groaned loudly, complaining about the pain in his back.

   "Your back? Hutch, are you absolutely sure you don't want a doctor?"

   "I'm sure, Starsky. I've had my fill of doctors for a while. My ankle's not broken and my damn back gives me problems all the time."

   "All right, we'll do it your way. But I think we need to get you settled and comfortable, get some ice on that ankle, and take care of the cut above your eye. I don't think you can handle the stairs right now. How about I get you settled in the downstairs bedroom?"

   "I guess that's probably the easiest thing to do." The pain was now forcing Hutch to speak through clenched teeth. "Let's get it over with then."

   Both of them were exhausted by the time Starsky had managed to get Hutch settled as comfortable as possible under the circumstances. Starsky had brought extra pillows from Hutch's bedroom upstairs and arranged them behind Hutch. The blond had remained silent except for an occasional moan. "Okay, I'm gonna get some ice for that ankle and then clean the cut on your forehead." Starsky patted Hutch's arm before heading for the kitchen. "I'll be right back."

   Hutch's eyes wandered around the bedroom that had been used for so many years by his grandparents. The room looked exactly the same as it had when he was a child. The old oak rocker still sat by the window. The gold-framed photo of their wedding day was still proudly displayed on the dresser. Remembering how the two elderly people had fussed over each other brought a smile to Hutch's face. I'd always hoped that I would be that lucky. They were just so perfect for each other. So much love and respect between them. Never an unkind word spoken. Never an angry exchange. Just the love. Van never had a clue what love and respect even meant.

   Hutch groaned aloud at the idea that he had actually at one time thought his marriage to Van could be the same as his grandparents'. Van and I, like my grandparents? No, just the opposite. No love, no respect. Just a lot of anger.

   "Pain's pretty bad, huh?" Starsky had heard the groan as he entered the room. The sadness on Hutch's face couldn't be due to just the physical pain he was in.

   "It's not that bad. This room just brought back so many memories." Hutch's eyes were dark with emotion, and his voice held a tinge of bitterness.

   "Good memories, I hope." Starsky set down the ice pack and other first-aid items.

   "All the memories in this house are good. I guess it's the regrets I have that cause the pain."

   "Don't think about the regrets. Think about the happy memories you'll make here in this house yourself. You spend way too much time dwelling on the things in the past that you can't change. Best to think about the future and what you have to look forward to." Starsky started to reach for the ice pack and then hesitated. "Maybe we should get you into something more comfortable than those jeans. I'll go get you something else to put on."

   "Starsky, you don't have to stick around here. Remember we agreed you'd go on back home today. Why don't you go call about a flight?"

   "You must've hit your head pretty hard if you think I'm leaving here now with you in the shape you're in."

   Damn it! Hutch unbuttoned his shirt and then struggled to sit up enough to pull it off. He's not going to be easy to get rid of now.

   When he returned, Starsky paused in the doorway, watching as Hutch struggled with the shirt. "Here, let me help you." Starsky slid the shirt down Hutch's shoulders. "Oh, man, Hutch." Starsky stared at the dark bruising that covered Hutch's side.

   Looking down to see what Starsky was staring at, Hutch muttered, "I guess that's where I hit the ladder when I fell."

   "Hey, I'm sorry about that. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that while you were on the ladder."

   "Yeah, what was that all about?"

   "I wanted us to talk. Damn it, Hutch, you know it drives me crazy when you refuse to talk to me. We need to talk about...well, about you being in love with me. We can't ignore this."

   "I don't want to go over it all again, Starsk. We each know where the other stands. The best thing for us to do is just forget what I said that night." Hutch groaned softly as Starsky pulled a t-shirt over his head.

   "I don't agree." Starsky picked up the pair of sweatpants he had placed on the bed. "Here, let's get those jeans off."

   Hutch unzipped his jeans and lifted his hips, while Starsky tried to gently remove the jeans. The look on Hutch's face let Starsky know his efforts to be gentle had not been successful. "Sorry."

   Once the sweatpants were in place, Starsky propped Hutch's injured foot on a pillow and secured the ice pack around the ankle. "We'll keep the ice on it for a while and then put this elastic bandage around it."

   "So, are you still in love with me?" Starsky was working on cleaning the gash on Hutch's forehead. That's it, just blurt it out.

   Hutch pulled away from Starsky, sighing deeply. "I don't know anything for sure anymore...but I think so."

   The misery revealed in Hutch's face brought back all the guilt Starsky had been feeling the past week. "Hutch, I didn't mean any of the things I said that night. I'm sorry for the way I acted. I just wasn't expecting anything like that." Starsky's voice trailed off. "Really, I didn't mean any of it."

   "It's okay, Starsky." Hutch closed his eyes, unable to look Starsky in the face. "I don't blame you for reacting the way you did. I can handle it."

   "Well, I don't think you're handling it very well. Hell, I'm not even handling it." Starsky stood up. "I'll go get you some aspirin for the pain." Okay, Hutch, you don't want to talk. That's fine with me, but little by little I'll have my say.

   After swallowing the aspirin, Hutch handed the glass of water back to Starsky. "Thanks."

   "Don't mention it. Anything else you need?"

   "No, I don't need anything."

   "Okay, I'll be back in a while to get rid of the icepack and put the bandage on your ankle. You try and get some rest."

   "Thanks. Oh, and, Starsk. I am trying to handle it. Really."

   "How? By running away and refusing to talk about things?" Starsky left the room without giving Hutch a chance to reply.

   Hutch shifted carefully, trying to find a position that his back didn't balk at. What the hell is his problem? When did he become the injured party? Nobody asked him to come here. Even with his mind clouded with anger toward Starsky, Hutch couldn't overlook the fact that Starsky, as always, was once again there for him. Why am I being so stubborn? Starsky came all the way here to try to fix things, and now I'm being the jerk.

   "How you doing? Is the aspirin helping any?" Starsky sat down on the foot of the bed. "You want some more ice for that ankle or should I put the bandage on now?"

   "I'm doing okay, Starsk. You can get rid of the ice and I can wrap the bandage around my ankle."

   "I'll do it." Starsky removed the icepack and set it aside and began wrapping the injured ankle. "I did a lot of thinking this past week."

   Hutch gave a soft laugh, "Me…I've been trying not to think."

   "Did it work?"

   "Not really. But I keep trying."

   Starsky hated hearing the sadness in Hutch's voice.

   "Been kind of rough, huh?" Starsky's tone was gentle, his gaze steady as he watched Hutch's emotions play across his face. There's a battle raging inside him.

   "Yeah, it's a little rough waking up one day realizing you feel differently about your best friend. Damn confusing, too. I've been trying to figure how and why this happened. I didn't mean for it to happen. I never thought about something like this happening. Damn it, it wasn't something I wanted to happen." Hutch was suddenly overwhelmed by the torment of the past few weeks. "I've made such a mess of things. I'm so sorry."

   "You didn't make a mess of anything. We're still friends and we're still partners." Starsky moved up on the bed so he was now sitting next to Hutch. "Maybe our relationship is heading in a new direction and maybe it's not. But I think we need to find out."

   "What's with this sudden change in your attitude? And what do you mean 'maybe our relationship is heading in a new direction'?"

   "Like, I said, I've been doing a lot of thinking. And I've realized that, maybe...well, maybe, you're not the only one with some changing feelings."

   "Starsky, what are you saying?" Hutch stared in disbelief at his friend. "Great, now we're both crazy?" Hutch made an attempt to get up from the bed, suddenly needing some space. Some fresh air. But the pain that flared through his back brought any movement to an abrupt halt. "Damn..."

   "Take it easy. You're in no shape to be moving around right now." Starsky eased the blond back against the pillows. "I didn't mean to upset you."

   "You didn't exactly upset me, but you're sure as hell adding to my confusion." Hutch shook his head. "I don't understand you at all. It sounds like you've made an abrupt turn around here. Care to explain?"

   "Hey, buddy, you're not the only one feeling confused. I thought I was in love with Dana. I even thought she might just be the one." Now it was Starsky shaking his head. "I was probably just as shocked as she was when I ended our relationship."

   "You ended your relationship with Dana?" Hutch stared, complete surprise on his face.

   "Yeah, she got a job that meant moving out of state." Starsky took a deep breath and hesitated. "She didn't think I would have a problem quitting my job and moving with her. And I shouldn't have had a problem, but I realized that I couldn't leave you. Seemed logical to me." Starsky laughed softly. "But not to her. Then, I started thinking about our relationship--our partnership--and I realized maybe I wasn't admitting the real reason for not leaving you. Not to her and not to myself."

   "Well, now that we're both crazy, confused, or whatever you want to call it, you got any ideas on where we go from here, Einstein?"

   "Me? I thought you were the brains in this partnership." Starsky, feeling a bit relieved now that he had admitted his own confusion, flashed Hutch a warm smile. "At least that's what you've always told me."

   "You picked a hell of a time to finally admit that, buddy." Hutch found himself smiling for the first time in a long while. I haven't lost my best friend.

   "You know I can't think on an empty stomach. It's been a heck of a morning and it's past lunchtime." Starsky patted his growling stomach as he slid off the bed. "I sure hope you have something edible in that kitchen."

   Watching as Starsky practically bounced out of the room, Hutch suddenly felt better than he could remember feeling in a long time. It was as if a weight had been lifted off him. Even the pain in his ankle and back didn't seem that bad anymore. No matter what direction this relationship takes, I know we'll always be friends. Friends no matter what.

   "I'm impressed, you actually had something in the refrigerator to make some pretty decent sandwiches." Starsky entered the room carrying a tray with a plate of sandwiches and a couple of soft drinks.

   "That's a relief. I'd hate to have you starve." Hutch's whole face spread into a smile as he watched Starsky hungrily devour a sandwich. "I hope you made enough for both of us. I don't want to starve either."

   "Don't worry, I made plenty." Starsky leaned back against the headboard and made himself comfortable.

   The next fifteen minutes was spent eating, with occasional snatches of conversation. As Starsky gathered up the plates and glasses, he could see that Hutch looked like he could use a nap. "Hey, you look beat. Why don't you get some sleep while I clean up in the kitchen?"

   "I'm okay," Hutch said, trying unsuccessfully to hold back a yawn.

   "Even I know that falling off a ladder is hard work," Starsky laughed. "Not to mention painful. Just close your eyes for a while. Trust me, I've had enough experience taking care of you to know what you need."

   Hearing no response by the time he got to the bedroom door, Starsky turned around to find the blond already asleep.

   After cleaning up the kitchen, Starsky wandered around the house looking for something to occupy his time while Hutch slept. Wonder how Blondie's been keeping busy? Nature boy that he is, he's probably been outside hiking or something. Painting, he's been outside painting. That's it; I can start working on painting the barn. It's my fault that he's not able to finish what he started. Yep, it's the least I can do.

   Hutch awoke several hours later with an urgent need to use the bathroom. He quickly dismissed any thought of calling out for Starsky to assist him. Starsky has already gone above and beyond the call of duty taking care of all my needs when I was paralyzed. I should be able to take a pee on my own. All that's wrong with me is a sprained ankle and sore back. Hutch slowly and painfully made his way to the bathroom. His task finished, he washed his hands and splashed some water on his face. Awful quiet, I wonder if Starsky decided to take a nap, too.

   Slowly making his way to the kitchen, Hutch turned on the faucet, filling a glass with water. The medication the doctor had prescribed for him sat on the counter, reminding him that in all the excitement of the day he hadn't remembered to take them. Swallowing the necessary pills, he nearly choked when he glanced out the window and spotted Starsky on the ladder, furiously slapping paint on the side of the barn. Choking and laughing at the same time, he pulled the door open and, wincing with each step, made his way out to the barn.

   "Hutch what are you doing out of bed?" Starsky nearly fell getting off the ladder in his haste to get to Hutch.

   "I think a better question might be what are you doing?" Hutch stared at his paint-spattered partner for a few seconds and then burst into laughter.

   "What's so damn funny?" Starsky was trying his best to sound indignant, but couldn't quite pull it off as he, too, dissolved into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.

   "I take it you haven't had much experience painting. Starsky, the paint is supposed to go on the barn not on you."

   "It just took me a little while to get the hang of it. I'm doing fine now."

   Hutch looked at the barn and smiled. "Yeah, you're doing fine. Thanks, Starsk. You didn't have to do that."

   "I figured it the was the least I could do, since it's kinda my fault you're not able to do it yourself. Maybe we should sit down, huh?" Starsky put an arm around Hutch's waist and began to help him toward the house.

   "Maybe, I should sit down. You go wash up."

   "That's an idea, too. And then I'll fix some dinner and afterwards we can sit back and watch some TV. Hey, you got any popcorn in this place?"

   "Starsky, you haven't even had dinner yet and you're already talking about popcorn." Hutch once again smiled inwardly. Things seem almost normal. Whatever normal is for us.

PART FOUR