Cheryl T

   The paramedics worked quickly. After listening to Hutch's heart and assessing his respiratory state, they started IVs immediately. An oxygen mask was placed over Hutch's mouth and nose.

   Just as they were ready to move Hutch from the bed and onto the gurney, the choking sounds ceased and Hutch was silent.

   "He's out!" one of the paramedics said loudly to the other. They quickly gathered more equipment out of their supply case.

   "He's not breathing, no pulse." The paramedics immediately began CPR. No air was reaching Hutch's lungs. The paramedics realized Hutch may very well have aspirated on his own vomit or even that his throat may have closed up from the trauma he had been through. One paramedic performed the compressions, while the other gave Hutch oxygen via an ambu bag.

   "We are going to have to intubate him now," yelled one of the paramedics. Remaining calm, the paramedic slid the endotracheal tube into Hutch's throat.

   Starsky still stood frozen in place at the foot of the bed. Dobey had come to stand next to him and had a firm grip on his arm. Starsky looked as if he might stop breathing at any moment. Truth be told, Dobey had the feeling if Hutch had taken his last breath, Starsky very well might soon follow him.

   The paramedics, still working furiously, reattached the ambu bad with additional tubing and began to bag the lifeless form. This time, air found its way into Hutch's lungs. Sodium bicarbonate was given through the IV in Hutch's arm. A portable heart monitor was attached to Hutch's chest to monitor his heart rhythm...or the absence of it.

   Starsky heard the words, "Still no pulse or respiration, and he's now down three minutes." His knees began to tremble and he felt as if he might crumble and fall to the floor any second.

   "Hutch, don't die on me. Please don't die on me. Please...please...please." Starsky didn't even realize he was saying the words out loud.

   "Dave, we may have to face the fact that Hutch has been through much more than he can handle," Dobey said as tears flowed down his own face.

   Dobey wasn't even sure Starsky had heard him. His eyes never left Hutch.

   The only chance now was the defibrillator. Sliding the already unbuttoned shirt out of the way, the paramedics placed the paddles on Hutch's chest. "CLEAR!" A jolt of electricity was sent through the lifeless man. Nothing. The voltage was increased and another jolt was delivered as Hutch's body arched violently.

   Starsky began to move closer to Hutch, but Dobey kept a firm grip on him.

   "He's back!" one of the paramedics announced as the monitor began to show movement. The heartbeats were weak and far apart, but Hutch's heart was once again beating. Wasting no time, the paramedics started up the stairs.

   Dobey released his grip on Starsky, and watched as the dark-haired detective followed them up the stairs.

   Jimmy stood down the street watching as the ambulance pulled away. How had things gone so wrong? He had been so careful--always quietly sneaking out when he needed to leave. He was sure that no one had known he was there. It just wasn't fair. Watching the police officers coming and going from the house, he knew he couldn't go back there. What now?

   As Hutch was brought into the ER, doctors and nurses seemed to come from everywhere. The paramedics were still bagging him to keep him ventilated. Soon a nurse was busy cutting off Hutch's clothing. Another nurse was quickly taking his vital signs and hooking him up to all sort of monitors. A third nurse was cleaning dried secretions off him.

   Starsky stood watching everything. He seemed frozen in place. No one had paid any attention to the defeated looking detective, and so he watched. All he could think was, "This can't be happening. Not to Hutch."

   Two doctors worked together doing a neurological exam and assessing Hutch's respiratory status. Never looking up from their patient, they barked orders to the nurses. "We need to keep the endo tube in him...let's get him on a ventilator stat!"

   "Turn the IV up to 500 cc an hour...we need to hydrate him...he is severely dehydrated. Get a Number 16 French foley catheter inserted now!" The nurses quickly followed each of the doctors' instructions.

   The doctors were shocked at what had been inflicted on Hutch. They knew it was going to be touch-and-go for this patient.

   The severe blow to the back of Hutch's head explained his semi-comatose state. Hutch only mildly responded when Dr. Hughes pricked the bottom of his foot with a needle. Other than that, there was no response from the blond. His eyes were open, but he reacted to nothing around him. He seemed to be somewhere else.

   The laceration on the back of his Hutch's head was stitched, and the multiple other wounds he had were cleaned. It was also noted that he was running a fever.

   Hutch suddenly began to vomit. "Let's get an NG tube into him stat! I don't want him choking." The nurses rushed to do as ordered, and in a short time, they had a nasogastric tube inserted into Hutch's nostril and down into his stomach. The tube was hooked up to a suction machine to empty the contents of Hutch's stomach.

   They had barely finished with that emergency, when Hutch began to have a seizure. There was no time to waste. A surgical team was summoned immediately to the ER and a craniotomy was performed to relieve some of the pressure that was causing the seizure and vomiting. A nurse made sure Hutch's head did not hit the siderails, and tried to keep him from injuring himself in any other way due to the violent movements that had taken control of his body.

   The doctors continued working on Hutch, as Starsky stood watching in total horror at what was being done to his partner. Now, they were inserting chest tubes into Hutch's right lung. His lung had been punctured by one of his broken ribs.

   Finally, Hutch's convulsing had settled. The ER team still worked furiously to stabilize their critical patient, retaking vital signs, checking the catheter output, checking the IVs and the ventilator. There was still no response from Hutch, whose eyes were now closed as he was totally unresponsive. The doctor noted on Hutch's chart the he was in a comatose state.

   Finally, one of the nurses noticed Starsky looking like his legs might soon give way on him. Taking him gently by the arm, she guided him to a chair in the waiting room.

   "We'll take real good care of him.," she assured him, and headed back to where Hutch was being worked on.

   As Dobey came through the doors of the emergency room, he quickly spotted his detective. Starsky was sitting very still in one of the chairs, his head back against the wall. His fingers tightly clenched the arms of the chair. His jaw was clamped tight and his eyes stared straight ahead. It was obvious to Dobey that Starsky was close to the edge.

   Dobey wedged himself into the chair next to Starsky. They sat in silence for a few minutes.

   Finally, Dobey cleared his throat. "Dave, how about I get us a cup of coffee?"

   Starsky turned to look at Dobey, almost surprised to see that he was there.

   "No."

   "Is there anything I can get you?" Dobey asked.

   "No."

   Dobey sighed deeply. He really was at a loss for words in this situation. He didn't think he should try to convince Starsky that everything was going to be okay. He knew things didn't look good for Hutch. It wouldn't be fair to tell Starsky that Hutch was going to be just fine.

   "He died. He died down in that dark basement." Starsky was now looking at his captain, a look of pure anguish on his face. "He's not going to make it this time, is he?"

   Dobey struggled to find the right words to say. "Dave, Hutch is strong and he fought hard to stay alive. He gave up for a few minutes down there, but he came back to us. I think he's gonna fight just as hard as he possibly can."

   "I just don't know if he has the strength this time. Did you see what that bastard did to him?" Starsky shook his head sadly. "The bastard's gonna pay, too."

   "Captain. The doctors, they...they've been really working on Hutch in there. They did things to him, things I never want to see again." Starsky looked like he might be sick to his stomach just thinking about it.

   Suddenly the doors to the examining room opened. Starsky stood, holding his breath. Please, God. Dobey felt Starsky take hold of his arm, as if he knew he might have trouble staying firmly on his feet.

   Dr. Hughes walked over to where Dobey and Starsky stood. "Hello, I'm Dr. Hughes. I understand that you are here with Detective Hutchinson."

   "Yes, that's right. I'm Captain Harold Dobey and this is Detective David Starsky. David is Detective Hutchinson's partner."

   "How is he?" Dobey asked. Starsky just stood quietly, his eyes intent on the doctor.

   "He's in critical condition. He's not stable yet, but we are doing everything we possibly can for him. He has a lot of complications. The doctor, knowing Starsky had been in the ER when they were working on his partner, explained all they had done. "We have also found that Detective Hutchinson's spleen has been badly ruptured, most likely as a result of repeated blows or kicks to the area. We need to get him into surgery right away. Does he have any family that we should notify? Also, we will need someone to sign the necessary forms giving us permission for the surgery."

   "We'll notify his family. They live out of state," Dobey replied.

   "I can sign for his surgery. We had papers drawn up years ago allowing us to sign for each other in case it was needed." Starsky paused. "He's not going to make it, is he?" The tone of his voice showed his despair. It was as if he were already grieving for the loss of his friend.

   "Detective Starsky, we are doing everything we can for your partner, and we have no intention of giving up on him. You shouldn't give up on him either."

   "He's right, Starsky, we can't expect Hutch to put up a good fight if we're not willing to do the same." Dobey patted Starsky's arm as the doctor handed Starsky the paperwork.

   Not saying a word, Starsky scribbled a shaky signature on the forms and handed them back.

   "I'll let you know as soon as he is out of surgery, " Dr. Hughes said.

   Inside the ICU unit, the nurses were busy double checking their patient, making sure he was getting proper ventilation and the NG tube was working properly, also checking the chest tubes, the IVs and the catheter. Hutch's temperature had risen, most likely due to an infection from the ruptured spleen.

   They redressed his wounds and applied a special ointment to the burns he had sustained from the shock treatment he had received at the hands of Jimmy. They used ice packs and cool washcloths to help reduce his fever. Hutch had suffered another seizure on his way to the ICU. He remained unresponsive and pale.

   Dr. Hughes, knowing that comatose patients were capable of hearing, talked to Hutch. "Mr. Hutchinson? Ken? We're going to be moving you around a bit and we're doing our best to make you feel better. You just need to hang on for us okay?" The doctor had great sympathy for this patient. It was obvious he had been through quite an ordeal the last couple of days. He sincerely hoped they could pull this patient through.

   A pint of whole blood was hung and left to transfuse into Hutch. His blood count was nearing a dangerously low level. After the transfusion was started, they moved Hutch to the litter and headed for surgery.

   Starsky, who had been anxiously pacing outside, quickly took his place at his partner's side. "Hey, Hutch, they're gonna get you all fixed up." Starsky gently stroked the side of Hutch's face. "You show them how tough you are. You hear me? I'm gonna be waiting right here for you to get back." Starsky closed his eyes, keeping his hands on Hutch, almost as if in prayer. "I love you, buddy, " Starsky whispered quietly into Hutch's ear. Then, just as they started to move Hutch away, Starsky leaned down, touching his lips softly on Hutch's forehead. "I love you."

   Starsky stood and watched as Hutch was rolled into the elevator. Tears streamed down his face. He couldn't help wonder if that had been the last time he would see his best friend alive.

********

   For quite some time now, Jimmy had been sitting on the curb a block away from the house he had shared with his sister when they were just children. The same house where he had killed his father and his father's partner. The same place where he had tried to kill that other damn cop. As he sat on the curb, Jimmy worked himself up into a rage. That damn cop...if only he hadn't come into Rita's life, Rita would still be alive. Now I'm all alone. It's all your fault Hutchinson, and that damn partner of yours. You ruined everything.

********

   Starsky paced the waiting room. Hutch had been in surgery for over an hour and a half. The waiting was about to drive him crazy. Dobey had left to check on things down at the station.

   "Hey, you trying to wear out the floor?"

   Starsky turned at the sound of Huggy's voice. "Hey, Huggy."

   "Starsky, why don't you sit down and let me get you some coffee? Take a rest from all this pacing."

   "Take a rest? Hutch didn't have no rest from what he was going through. There was no one there to get Hutch coffee." Starsky was getting all choked up with emotion.

   "Starsky, take it easy."

   "No, I should have gotten to him a lot sooner. What kind of a cop am I?"

   After trying repeatedly to make Starsky understand that none of what had happened to Hutch was his fault, Huggy finally just sat quietly. When Starsky was like this, only Hutch could calm him. He could only hope that Hutch would be around to take care of this forlorn looking creature that now sat next to him. A Starsky without a Hutch was not something Huggy even wanted to contemplate.

   Several hours had passed, and Starsky had been notified that Hutch had made it through surgery with no more complications. Starsky had then sent Huggy back to the Pits with orders not to return unless he brought one of Huggy's famous burgers back with him. Huggy had taken that as a sign that Starsky might just be thinking a little more positively about his blond partner.

   Starsky, now on his third cup of coffee, sat staring off into space. He had to admit he was feeling a bit more hopeful that his partner would make it. He'd held on this long… Please, God...let him keep holding on. Life without Hutch just wouldn't be living. He remembered Hutch once remarking that the reason they were such good friends was because there really wasn't anyone else willing to put up with the crap they each dished out. Starsky smiled just thinking about it. He knew it was the truth. Yeah, Hutch could be a pain sometimes, but no matter what, Hutch had always been there for him. And if he was going to be totally honest, there were just as many times he had been a major pain to Hutch. But he always tried to be there for Hutch, too. That's what friends were for, after all. Hutch, buddy, you can't die on me, I don't have anyone else.

   "Starsky?" Starsky looked up to see that Dobey had returned. "How's Hutch doing? Any change?"

   "No, no change really, but he did make it through surgery with no more complications."

   "Thank God for that," Dobey said as he eased himself into a chair.

   Starsky looked questioningly at the armload of papers Dobey seemed to be struggling with. "What have you got there?"

   Well, I thought you might want to look over the background information you had requested on Rita Sanders. I think you'll find it very interesting, especially everything on her brother."

   "Jeez, I'd forgotten all about it," Starsky said as he reached for the papers.

   Starsky quickly skimmed through the pages of the report.

   "I think that next file will be much more interesting" Dobey said, indicating the folder on the bottom of the stack.

   Starsky pulled the bottom folder out and began to look through it. "Captain?"

********

   "Yeah, it's pretty bad.," Dobey replied, knowing the reason Starsky was so shocked at what the file contained.

   Starsky turned the page and stared in shock. There before him was a photo of Jimmy Sanders. "Has anyone had the neighbor look at this photo for a positive identification?" Starsky asked, never taking his eyes off the face in the photo.

   "I sent Myers and Burns over there. We should hear something from them shortly. I don't think there is much doubt that this is our guy, though."

   Starsky shifted his eyes from the photo back to reading the file. "Says he has spent the last 14 years in the state mental hospital. Am I supposed to feel sorry for him?" Starsky asked with a bitterness in his voice.

   "No one expects you to feel sorry for him, especially under the circumstances," Dobey replied. "But the guy did have it extremely rough as a child. I think it all makes some sense...well, at least to him. His dad was a cop and abused him in more ways than we even want to think about. His dad's partner apparently knew it was happening and maybe participated, too. Then many years later, the only family member he has left starts dating a cop."

   "If someone had been doing their job, this guy would still be in that hospital." There was no mistaking the anger in Starsky's voice.

   "I spoke to the doctor who had been treating Jimmy Sanders. It seems Jimmy became very upset when his sister told him he she was dating a cop. A few days later, he up and walked away from the hospital." Dobey watched Starsky intently.

   "And, what? Nobody thought that might be important?" Starsky asked.

   "This guy has already murdered two people, and he just walks away from the hospital?"

   "Starsky, the hospital followed all the necessary steps. The police were notified, his sister was notified. No one had any way of knowing that Hutch was his intended victim."

   "Detective Starsky, you can see Detective Hutchinson now." A young blonde nurse stood nearby, waiting to show Starsky the way. Starsky was quickly on his feet and following the nurse, the only thought on his mind...He's still alive, he's still alive.

   Part of him was also happy to have ended the conversation he had been having with Dobey. He really didn't want to hear about the miserable life of the person responsible for hurting Hutch, or the fact that all the necessary steps had been taken. This should not have happened!

   Hutch was so pale and still against the white sheets. Starsky's eyes took in the IVs and monitors that seemed to be everywhere. Taking a deep breath, he reminded himself of the all-important fact that Hutch was still alive. That was all that mattered.

   Starsky sat down in the chair next to the bed. "Hey, buddy, I'm here. You did good. Surgery is all over now." Starsky reached out and placed his hand over the pale hand of his partner. It felt good being able to have some physical contact with Hutch. It confirmed that he really was alive.

   "Hutch, we're real close to getting the guy who hurt you. I think I'm supposed to feel sorry for him, but I can't. Part of me just wants to hurt him the way he hurt you. So you better wake up soon, you're much better at forgiving than I am. I really can't promise that I won't hurt him. Oh, God, Hutch, I really need you."

   It hurts so much to see Hutch like this--hooked up to all this crap. It just isn't fair.

   A nurse stood nearby, motioning to Starsky that his time was almost up.

   "I guess they want me out of here, buddy." Starsky wiped away the tears that were filling his eyes. "You know if it was up to me, I wouldn't leave you, not for a second." Starsky carefully pushed the fine strands of blond hair off Hutch's forehead. "Please wake up soon, Hutch." Starsky stood and slowly left, turning once to take a parting look at the motionless figure lying on the bed. "Hang in there, Hutch, you can do it."

********

   Captain Dobey was still sitting in the waiting room when Starsky returned. He looked anxiously at Starsky.

   "Nothing's changed." Starsky was quiet as he sat down in the chair next to Dobey.

   "Here, Huggy brought you something to eat," Dobey said as he held out a brown paper bag. "Oh, and here're your car keys; I had your car brought over."

   "Thanks." As he reached for the bag, Starsky realized how hungry he really was.

   "Did you hear anything from Burns and Myers?" Starsky asked.

   "Yeah, Rita's neighbor confirmed that it was Jimmy Sanders who got into the car with Hutch and Rita. There's an APB out on him, and I've got every available officer looking for him."

   Starsky sighed deeply. "We've got to get him."

   "We will," Dobey assured him.

   "I just feel so damn helpless," Starsky said, as he stood and began pacing. "I should be doing something."

   "Starsky, you are doing exactly what you should be doing. You're here for Hutch. When Hutch wakes up, he'll need you. We have a lot of officers looking for this guy. What's more important? That you join the officers already looking for Jimmy Sanders or that you're here for Hutch when he wakes up? What do you think Hutch would want?"

   "Yeah, deep down I know you're right. I just wish there was more that I could do for Hutch." Starsky stopped his pacing and looked down the corridor where there appeared to be a lot of activity going on.

   "Something's wrong!" Starsky started running toward the ICU and Hutch.

   Once again Starsky stood and watched as his friend struggled through another seizure, Hutch's body jerking convulsively.

   "Nothing I can do but watch." Starsky's voice quivered as he struggled to hold back the tears.

   Dobey stood with Starsky, watching as nurses quickly went into action. One nurse gently held Hutch's head to keep it from hitting the siderails. Once the doctor arrived and the order was given to administer ten milligrams of Valium, the seizure soon ended.

   Dobey handed Starsky a cup of coffee and guided him back toward the waiting area. They sat in silence, drinking their coffee. Starsky was unable to get the picture of his partner's flailing body out of his mind.

   "Starsky."

   Starsky looked up at the sound of Dobey's voice to see Dr. Hughes coming toward them. After witnessing that frightening seizure, Starsky couldn't believe the doctor would have any good news for them.

   Starsky couldn't even find the words to ask about his partner's condition. He didn't think he wanted to hear what the doctor was about to tell them.

   Dr. Hughes, seeing the stricken look on Starsky's face, wanted to reassure the young detective.

********

   "Detective, I know after witnessing that last seizure you're probably very concerned about your friend's condition, but I want to assure you that he has made some improvements."

   Starsky stared at the doctor, a stunned look on his face. "Improvements? You call what we just watched an improvement?"

   "Despite the fact that he just had a seizure, yes, he is making some improvements. His vital signs are better, the chest tubes have done their job, and we are taking him off the oxygen."

   "But he's still in a coma, right?" Starsky asked, still unable to fully understand that Hutch was really improving.

   "Yes, that's true. That's where we're going to need your help."

   "You know I'll do anything, just tell me what." Starsky was on his feet and ready.

   "You'll do exactly as I say?" the doctor asked.

   "I'll do anything to help Hutch."

   "All right, the first thing you need to do is to get a couple of hours of sleep."

   Starsky interrupted before the doctor could say any more.

   "How the hell is my getting some sleep going to help Hutch?"

   "Detective, you're going to have a lot of work ahead of you, and you're going to need to be rested. After you have had a few hours of sleep, I want you with Detective Hutchinson as much as possible. I want you talking to him. He can hear you, and there is a good chance that you'll be the one to bring him back. And when he does come out of the coma, he's going to need your help. You won't be up to any of this if you don't get some rest. Well, what do you say?"

   Hating the thought of leaving the hospital even for a second, Starsky reluctantly agreed. "But you call me if there is any change at all."

   "Absolutely. You just leave your number at the nurses' station." Dr. Hughes patted Starsky's shoulder. "Believe me, your friend has a real good chance. Things are looking better for him."

   "Could I see him for a few minutes before I leave? You said he could hear me. I want to let him know that I won't be gone long."

   "Sure, go on in and sit with him for a few minutes. I'll be in to check on him in just a bit." Dr. Hughes said goodbye to Captain Dobey as Starsky headed off to say goodbye to Hutch.

   Starsky stood, looking down at his best friend, relieved to see that he looked so peaceful. Those seizures scared the hell out of him.

   "Hey, buddy, enough with those seizures, huh? You scare the hell out me when you do that. Guess, it's no picnic for you either, though." Starsky patted Hutch's hand that lay on top of the covers.

   Starsky sat down in the chair. "The doctor says your doing better. You just have to come out of this coma, Hutch." It felt so weird to be talking to Hutch and getting no response.

   "I'm gonna go home for a bit, and then I'll be back to spend some time with you. I'm gonna talk to you so much you'll want to wake up just to tell me to shut up."

   Starsky stood up. "Well, the sooner I get out of here, the sooner I can get back. They promised to call if you need me." Starsky couldn't leave until once again he felt the physical contact that was so important to the two of them. He reached out and squeezed Hutch's hand lightly. "Bye, partner, I'll be back in a bit."

   After a brief goodbye to Dobey, Starsky headed out to his car. After opening the car door, he slid the files on Rita and Jimmy onto the passenger seat. He planned to look through them again. Maybe he could find a clue to where Jimmy might go, now that his plans had failed.

********

   Back at his place, Starsky took a few minutes to take a hot shower. Once dried off, he didn't bother with clothing. Setting his alarm, he then slid between the sheets. Within minutes his tired body drifted off to sleep.

   The alarm went off much too soon. Starsky lay there for a while, hating the thought of having to get up. But then everything came rushing back to him and he remembered that he had to get back to Hutch.

   Quickly pulling on a pair of clean jeans and a T-shirt, the next order of business was to make a pot of coffee. Once the coffee was on, he remembered the files he had left in his car. Figuring he could look them over while drinking his coffee, he located his blue Adidas and made the trip to his car for the files.

   Reaching through the driver's side door, he pulled the files toward him. As he picked up the files, he heard something clatter to the ground. He looked down to see what he had dropped. A cassette tape lay by his feet. Puzzled, he picked it up. It didn't appear to be one of his. Placing the tape on top of the files, he made his way back inside.

   He dropped the pile of files onto the kitchen table and poured himself a cup of coffee. Setting the coffee down on the table, he reached for the phone. He wanted to check on Hutch before he started going through the files. He felt sort of guilty about taking the time to read the files again.

   A nurse answered and once Starsky had identified himself, he was assured that his partner was resting comfortably, and no, he had not had any more seizures. Breathing a sigh of relief, Starsky pulled the files toward him, and once again the tape landed with a clatter. Getting irritated now, Starsky picked up the tape and looked to see what exactly it was that kept getting in his way.

   The label on the tape read: "To Starsky From Hutchinson." What the hell? Suddenly Starsky felt a chill run down his spine. Jimmy!

   "Oh, God. Starsky, I need you. I need you to hold me. I'm so scared, Starsk...I'm not gonna make it this time. I don't want to die alone." Starsky, please don't let me die alone. Please!"

   "Help me...please help me."

   Starsky could hear how ragged Hutch's breathing was. He could almost feel the pain Hutch was feeling.

   "I don't want to die. I need to get to a hospital, please. My head...it's really bad, please."

   "If you're going to kill me, just do it," Hutch pleaded.

   "I'm so sorry, Starsky."

********

   And then suddenly, all that could be heard was Hutch's nonstop screaming. Screams that seemed to rip right through Starsky's body. "Oh, God, Hutch." Starsky knew these had to be the screams that had prompted the neighbor to call the police. And Starsky knew what had caused those pain and fear-filled screams. At first Starsky felt just overwhelming shock at what he had just listened to, but the shock had turned to fury.

   "I'll kill him. I swear to God, I'll kill him."

   Starsky didn't think he had ever felt such rage in his life, as he listened to his best friend begging for help...calling out for him...not wanting to die alone. Listening to the tape, Starsky felt as if his insides were being ripped apart. God, it hurts to hear Hutch in so much pain. "I'll make it up to you, I promise, Hutch. Somehow I'll make it up to you." Starsky practically sobbed as he shouted the words out loud.

   Unable to stand any more, Starsky yanked the tape out and flung it across the room. Anger seemed to control him now. He moved around the room, knocking things off tables, kicking anything that was in his way. Making his way back to the kitchen, with one single sweep of his arm he cleared the table. His coffee cup smashed onto the floor, coffee splattering onto the files that lay scattered across the floor. In one last attempt to rid himself of the anger he felt, his foot connected with the mess on the floor and loose papers flew across the room.

   Starsky knew he was losing it. Struggling to calm himself, he took a deep breath. Stepping over the mess on the floor, he moved to the sink. He splashed cold water on his face, still trying his best to pull himself together. He had to get himself under control before he went back to the hospital. He was afraid with the mood he was in, Hutch might just decide to stay in a coma.

   The need to get back to Hutch was uppermost in Starsky's mind now. He had to do everything he could for Hutch. Hutch was the important thing. Starsky figured he could always get Jimmy once Hutch was on his way to a full recovery.

********

   Starsky hurried quickly down the hallway toward the ICU. The late hour meant there were few people around. Visiting hours had been over for a while now. Still feeling very rattled as a result of listening to the tape, he had an almost overwhelming need to be close to Hutch.

   Arriving at the ICU, Starsky noticed someone was in with Hutch. Not wanting to interrupt, he waited outside. Then deciding he could use a quick cup of coffee, he moved down the hallway toward a coffee machine. Walking away, he glanced once more through the window into where Hutch lay. Wondering briefly what God-awful thing they were now doing to his partner. Deciding it was probably better for him not to know, he moved on toward the coffee machine.

   Leaning against the wall drinking his coffee, he couldn't shake the idea that something had not been right down at the ICU. Not really knowing exactly what made him think that, he hastened back down the hall. Starsky looked through the glass to where Hutch lay. He watched as the male nurse rearranged Hutch's pillows, then watched in horror as one of the pillows was placed over Hutch's face.

   "Jimmy!" Starsky screamed the name as he bolted through the doorway. Starsky reached out and grabbed hold of Jimmy's arm, pulling him away from Hutch. But Jimmy was not going to give up so easily. He lunged toward the bed, just as Starsky flung the pillow that had been laid over Hutch's face on the floor.

   "He's going to pay!" Jimmy shrieked as his hands reached for Hutch, but Starsky was too quick for him. Starsky spun Jimmy around and away from Hutch as fingers found their way to Jimmy's throat. Starsky's fingers tightened their hold. The urge to squeeze harder was almost more than Starsky could resist. The feeling built until it overcame him. He felt his fingers tighten and watched as Jimmy's face began to turn red.

********

   Jimmy struggled, but Starsky's grip never wavered. Hutch's voice on that tape kept replaying over and over in Starsky's mind. That and the sight of this man whose life he now held in his hands, holding a pillow over Hutch's face. Starsky was beyond logical thinking. The only thought in his head was that this person had hurt Hutch, and hurt him badly.

   "Starsky. Starsky, let him go. Dave, you don't want to do this." Dobey took hold of Starsky's shoulders. "Come on, Dave, let him go. Think of Hutch. What will happen to Hutch if you do this, Dave?"

   As the words began to sink in, Starsky slowly eased his death grip on Jimmy's neck. A uniformed officer took hold of Jimmy and removed him from Starsky's grasp.

   "Get him out of here," Dobey motioned at Jimmy. The officer quickly cuffed Jimmy. Jimmy was still struggling for air as he was led out of the room.

   Dobey still had hold of him as Starsky slid down to the floor. The young detective seemed to have reached his breaking point. All his pent-up anxiety and rage seemed to come flooding out of him, and he sobbed uncontrollably. Dobey held him tightly.

   "It's okay, Dave. Everything is going to be okay." Dobey couldn't help be concerned about the state he now found his detective in.

   "Oh, God, what have I done? Hutch... Is Hutch okay?" Remembering that his partner lay just inches away from him, Starsky pulled free of Dobey's arms and began to crawl toward the bed where his partner lay.

   "Nurse." Dobey spoke to the young nurse who had quickly rushed to Hutch's side when the commotion had broken out.

   "See if you can find the doctor. I think Detective Starsky could use something to calm him down."

   "Yes, sir."

   Dobey pulled Starsky to his feet as the nurse left to find the doctor.

   "Come on, Dave, let's get you into a chair."

   But Starsky was not about to be led away from his partner.

   "No, I have to see Hutch." Starsky stumbled, but made his way to Hutch.

   "Hutch...everything's gonna be okay." Starsky spoke very softly as he lovingly patted the fine blond hair. "I'm sorry I left you. I promise I'm not leaving you anymore. Nobody can make me leave you." Starsky directed those last words toward Dobey and the hospital staff that stood quietly nearby.

   Starsky put up no fight as his worn leather jacket was removed. And he never even noticed the needle that slid quickly into his arm. Moments later, Starsky had been safely tucked into a bed next to Hutch.

   Dobey stood and looked at his detectives. His face was lined with worry. The black man appeared to have aged noticeably in the last few days. He refused to think anything but good thoughts, though. These boys were strong and as long as they had each other, they could and would survive this, too.

********

   Starsky slowly opened his eyes. It took him several seconds to realize he was in a hospital bed. What the hell?  Then the events of a few hours ago came back to him. He remembered listening to the tape, then finding Jimmy placing a pillow over Hutch's face, and then the vivid memory of his hands around Jimmy's throat. After that, he really didn't remember much. He didn't have a clue how he had ended up in a hospital bed.

   Looking around, he found himself in the same ICU room as Hutch. Thank God, Hutch was okay. Wanting to be closer to his partner, Starsky swung his legs off the side of the bed and put his feet on the floor. He wondered just how long he had been asleep.

   Making his way to Hutch's bedside, Starsky pulled the chair up next to Hutch's bed and sat down. Starsky sat silently for a while. Hutch looked so pale and fragile. Starsky put his hand out and gently took hold of Hutch's hand.

   "Sorry, about all the ruckus in here earlier. I guess you could say I kind of lost it there for a bit." Starsky sighed deeply. "You know, partner, I really don't think I'm much good without you. No, I know I'm not much good without you."

   Remembering how the doctor had said Hutch could hear him and that he should talk to him, Starsky kept up his one-sided conversation. He talked about the weather, he talked about his prized Torino, but most importantly he talked about his feelings for Hutch.

   "You're closer to me than my own brother. You know there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you. Heck, I'll even go camping with you, and you know that's not exactly my idea of fun. And I wouldn't go off into the wilderness with just anyone. Just you, partner. Damn it, Hutch, what I'm trying to say is that I love you and I need you in my life. I wish I was better with words, Hutch. But we've never needed words before, have we? You know I love you, and I know you love me. Me and thee."

   Starsky stood and paced for a bit. It was so weird carrying on this one-sided conversation with Hutch. Coming to stand once again at Hutch's bedside, Starsky continued talking. "Hey, Hutch, did I ever tell you my real feelings on that...that thing above your lip? Yeah, I know the ladies love it. And that hair? Tell you what, you get better, and the haircut and shave are on me." Starsky couldn't help smile just a bit at the thought of actually having this conversation with a Hutch that could answer back. Taking up his pacing again, Starsky moved away from the bed.

   As he paced the room, his eyes never left his partner. "Hutch?" To his amazement, suddenly Starsky realized that Hutch's eyes had been following him around the room. Starsky moved forward, closer to Hutch. They stared at each other in waiting silence. "Hutch? Talk to me, buddy."

   Hearing Starsky's voice, Hutch's eyes frantically darted around the room. His face clearly showing alarm.

   "Hutch, it's me." Starsky reached out toward his partner in an attempt to reassure him. Starsky watched in disbelief, as Hutch seemed to cringe away from him.

   "No, please. No more. Stay away from me." Hutch became hysterical. Wanting only to get away, he ripped the IV out of his hand. Struggling to sit up, the pain was evident in his face.

   Starsky quickly moved to restrain his partner, while at the same time tried to push nurse’s bell. Keeping his voice low, Starsky tried to get through the confusion that Hutch seemed to be caught up in. "Hutch, easy. It's me, Starsky. You're safe now."

   Several nurses had arrived and Hutch had been quickly restrained. It broke Starsky's heart to see Hutch once again fastened to a bed like some prisoner. The IV had been put back in place, and Hutch had been given something to calm him down.

   Looking into Hutch's blue eyes, Starsky could still see terror there. The blue eyes searched the room as if looking for someone. Someone who obviously frightened him. Hutch was clearly still very agitated.

   "Hutch, Jimmy's gone. We got him, Hutch. It's all over. You're in the hospital now." Starsky once again reached out to his friend. "It's all over now."

   Hutch didn't pull away from him this time. He stared intently at Starsky for a second, as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing. Hutch tried to reach out to Starsky. He uttered a small sob, as he realized he was unable to move his hands. He looked at the restraints in shock. He gave Starsky a questioning look. Then, as if unable to believe his eyes, he looked down again. "Why?" His voice sounded so weak. Hutch repeated himself, his eyes never leaving Starsky's face. "Why? I don't understand."

   Starsky, not able to stand the anguish his partner was in, wanted nothing more than to release him. "Hutch, it's okay. See, I'm taking them off." Sitting on the edge of the bed, Starsky worked to quickly free his partner. A nurse looked on, but didn't say a word.

   Once free, Hutch again reached for his partner, and this time soon had a tight grasp on his arm. "Starsky. Oh, God, it's really you." The strain of all he had been through could be heard in his voice.

   Starsky tightened his hold on the trembling body he now held in his arms. "Yep, it's really me. You're safe now, buddy."

   "Starsky, I never thought I'd see you again." Hutch's face had tears streaming down it as he looked up. He tried to fight the tears, but it was a fight he could not win. Sobs now racked the already exhausted body. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

   "Hey, nothing to be sorry about. Don't even try to talk now. Just rest." Starsky was trying his best to soothe and comfort his distraught partner.

   "Stay with me," Hutch said, as the injection the nurses had given him began to take effect. He could feel himself drifting off, but he didn't want to be alone.

   "Not going anywhere, and I dare anyone to try and make me," Starsky replied with a firm tone to his voice. Starsky eased his partner back against the pillow.

   "Starsk?"

   "Not going anywhere. Just trying to get you more comfortable."

   Starsky took his seat in the chair next to the bed once again. But he made sure he never let go of the hand that held so tightly to his. Starsky found himself with tears in his eyes as he watched his best friend drift off to sleep.

   Starsky felt great relief that Hutch had awakened, but he knew they still had a long way to go before he would be himself again. The physical injuries were only a small part of the healing that would need to be done. Starsky felt more confident now that things would be okay. Together, as usual, they would get through this.

   Several hours had passed, and Starsky still remained at Hutch's side. Doctors and nurses came and went, but no one ever suggested that Starsky leave.

   The door opened once again, and Starsky looked up this time to see Captain Dobey enter.

   "How is he?" Dobey asked as he stood looking down at the blond half of the duo.

   "Better, lots better," Starsky said as he stood and stretched. "He was awake for a bit. He was pretty confused and upset, but he calmed down."

   "That's really good news, Starsky. Why don't you go get some coffee or something to eat while I'm here? I'll stay with him so he won't be alone."

   As much as he felt the need to use the men's room, and he had to admit that he was kind of hungry, he remembered the promise he had made to Hutch. "Well, Cap'n, I sort of promised not to leave him. You think maybe I could just make a quick trip to the men's room, and then maybe you could get me something to eat and bring it back?"

   Knowing there was not much chance that Starsky would do anything to break a promise to Hutch, Dobey agreed, and Starsky left for the men's room.

   Within minutes Starsky was back, coffee in hand. Hutch had not stirred.

   "Thanks, Cap'n."

   "No problem, Starsky. I'll go get you some hot food, and then I better head for home."

   Starsky sat down once again at Hutch's bedside. Sipping the hot coffee, he kept his eyes on Hutch. Other than an occasional low moan, Hutch seemed to be sleeping somewhat peacefully.

   Half an hour later, Dobey arrived back with one of Huggy's dinner specials and a pile of assorted magazines and newspapers.

   "Hey, Cap'n, this is great. Thanks." Starsky smiled his first real smile in a long time. And the captain knew it wasn't just the food and magazines that had brought out that smile.

   "Call me if there is any change or if you need anything. Understand?"

   "Yeah, Cap'n, I understand. Thanks!"

   Starsky made short work of the Huggy special, and was soon engrossed in the sports section of the newspaper.

   "Starsk?"

   Starsky was quickly sitting on the edge of Hutch's bed. "Right here, buddy."

   Starsky heard a small sigh of relief as Hutch reached for his hand.

   "I was afraid that maybe I had only dreamt you were here." Hutch could hear the quiver in his voice and knew he sounded a bit needy. But there was no getting around the fact that he felt very needy. Needy and scared.

   "Nope, it was no dream. I'm right here." Starsky knew exactly how Hutch felt. He had been through similar terrifying situations, and it wasn't something you could quickly get over. Hutch would feel the fear and anxiety long after this was all over, and Starsky intended to be there for him very step of the way.

   "Rita?" Hutch found himself almost holding his breath, as he waited for Starsky's reply.

   Starsky reached out and patted Hutch's shoulder. He really hated to have to tell him about Rita's death.

   "He killed her, didn't he? He killed his own sister."

   Starsky could once again hear the sounds of his partner silently crying. "Hutch, please, please don't do this. Jimmy was really sick. We don't need to go into this right now, huh? We can wait to talk about this when you're stronger." Starsky gently rubbed Hutch's shoulder, trying his best to give a little comfort and ease the pain.

   "Try to put it out of your mind for now." Starsky knew how stupid those words sounded. They both knew that something like this couldn't just be pushed to the back of your mind until you were ready to deal with it. It just didn't work like that.

   Hutch continued to cry softly for several more minutes. Then his breathing evened out a bit, and he became quiet. Starsky realized his friend had fallen back to sleep. Pulling the sheet up around Hutch's shoulders, Starsky sat down to once again continue his bedside vigil.

********

   Starsky had been keeping watch by Hutch's bedside for two days. When Hutch slept, Starsky slept in the bed next to his. When Hutch was awake, they talked, Starsky always doing his best to keep the conversation light and away from the events of the last week. Sometimes he wondered if it was Hutch he was trying to protect or himself. He knew just thinking about it twisted his insides into knots. Hutch didn't need any more pain right now.

   "Starsk?"

   "Yeah." Starsky put down the newspaper surprised to see that Hutch was awake.

   "What happened to him?" Hutch's voice sounded almost like a whisper. Like maybe he was afraid to even ask the question.

   Starsky didn't have to ask who he was talking about. He didn't think it was a good idea for Hutch to be talking about Jimmy. He didn't want him getting upset. But he had to answer him. "He's back in the state mental hospital."

   Starsky could see no reason to mention the fact that Jimmy had been caught right here while trying to kill Hutch. He knew they would have to talk about everything that had happened sooner or later. But he preferred much later, when Hutch would be stronger and better able to deal with everything.

   Starsky looked at Hutch, who had not said a word. "You okay?" Still nothing but silence from Hutch. Starsky slid his chair closer to the bed. Just as he brought his hand out to touch him, Hutch's hands began twitching. "Oh, no. Hutch, please, no."

   Hutch's body began to convulse. Starsky was quickly on his feet, pushing the nurse's call button as he moved behind his partner to protect his head. By now, Hutch's body was entirely consumed by the seizure. Starsky could only watch in horror as Hutch's body seemed out of control. He pushed the nurse's call button again. What in the hell was taking so long? Now Hutch was making choking sounds and foaming at the mouth. "Hutch? Hutch, can you hear me?"

   After what seemed like hours to Starsky, but was really only seconds, two nurses arrived. He was moved quickly out of the way, as one nurse placed a stat stick into Hutch's mouth to prevent him from choking. The other nurse administered Valium into the IV.

   Watching the scene before him, Starsky had to fight back tears. This was just so unfair. It had been several days since Hutch had had a seizure, and everything had been looking so much better.

   It took several minutes, but the convulsing began to slow. The doctor had arrived, and was giving instructions to the nurses. Starsky heard the words CAT scan, and heard the doctor order something called Dilantin to be given three times a day. Hutch's body had now ceased convulsing. He lay there, eyes open, but seemed unaware of his surroundings.

   Before the nurses left, Hutch was put back on oxygen and they checked his vitals signs again. As they left, they tried their best to reassure Starsky, and promised to check on Hutch every few minutes.

   Starsky sank down into the chair. The sight of Hutch's vacant eyes ripped at Starsky's heart. Hutch had suffered enough already. More than enough. It was time for the healing to start, time for the old Hutch to return. Picking up his partner's limp hand, Starsky pressed it to his cheek. "It's just a little setback, partner, you'll be back on your feet in no time."

   The next morning, Hutch was alert and listened as the doctor explained to him what had happened. He also explained the drug they had started Hutch on, and that a CAT scan had been scheduled for later that morning. Hutch listened, but didn't have much to say.

   Starsky had talked to Dobey the night before and informed him of what had happened. Dobey arrived in time to see Hutch briefly, just before he left for the CAT scan. Once again, the older black man found himself sitting and waiting with an anxious Starsky.

   "Cap'n, I've been meaning to thank you for stopping me from making the biggest mistake of my life."

   Dobey looked at the young detective. "No thanks necessary, I know how you feel."

   "Yeah, I guess you do," Starsky said, remembering that Dobey had lost a partner many years ago. A partner whom he'd been very close to.

   Starsky reached into his jacket pocket and retrieved the tape that had started his rage just a few days ago. He held it out to Dobey.

   "What this?" Dobey asked he took the tape.

   "It was a present from Jimmy. After you listen to that, I think you'll understand where I was coming from the other day." Starsky paused a second. "Then get rid of it. I never want to hear it again."

   Dobey nodded. "I'll take care of it."

   Starsky sat silently, lost in his own thoughts of Hutch for a while. Dobey watched his young friend and kept his own silence out of respect. He had never in his whole life come across a relationship like that of Starsky and Hutch's. Close didn't even begin to describe the two young men. It was like they were one. At times like this, Dobey found himself truly wondering if the heart of one stopped, would the other follow suit and stop also? He suspected that Starsky's heart was just waiting...when Hutch's heart had stopped in that dark dirty basement.

   Once Hutch was back from his CAT scan, Dobey headed back to the station. Starsky was to call and let him know as soon as they heard anything.

   Starsky chatted along, trying to keep Hutch's spirits up. "What do you think of all the good lookin' nurses you've got taking care of you? Not bad, huh?"

   Hutch gave Starsky a small grin, "How many phone numbers have you collected?"

   "Me?" Starsky turned his most innocent look on Hutch. "But now that you're on your way back to good health, I might just start collecting a few."

   Hutch managed a small chuckle. "I'm sure you will."

   Starsky and Hutch exchanged amused glances when a young nurse entered.

   "Time for you to get some rest now, Ken." The young woman said, as she prepared to give him a shot.

   Hutch groaned a little as the nurse gave him his shot. "Is this part of your plan, Starsky, while I'm sleeping, you collect the phone numbers?"

   "Hey, would I do that to you?" Starsky winked at the young nurse as she made her exit, a slight blush on her face.

   "Starsky, why don't you go on home for a while? You've been here for days. No point in you sitting here watching me sleep, when you could be home sleeping in your own bed."

   "I've got my own bed right over there. Huggy brought me everything I need." Starsky was determined to stay by Hutch's side. What if, God forbid, he had another seizure, or what if the doctor came in with bad news once they had the results of the CAT scan?

   Hutch knew exactly what Starsky was thinking. Hutch was thinking along the same lines himself. Just like he's trying to protect me, I want to protect him. I don't want to put him through any more.

   "So, blondie, just close those blue eyes and go to sleep; you're not getting rid of me." Starsky patted Hutch's arm and sat back with a grin on his face.

   Hutch closed his eyes, feeling very lucky to have such a friend. As much as he wanted to protect Starsky, he was relieved that he wouldn't be left alone. He wasn't sure if he could face being alone right now.

********

   Several hours later, Dobey got the good news. The CAT scan showed the swelling was going down. The chances of another seizure were only slight. Hutch was on his way to a full recovery.

   "How long before you think they will let me out of here?" Relief showed in Hutch's face and in his voice. He had been terrified that the results of the CAT scan would not be good news.

   "I think you're gonna be here a bit longer, buddy. They haven't even let you out of bed yet, and I don't think that will be happening for a day or two."

   Starsky looked over at Hutch, trying to meet the downcast eyes. "Hutch, look at me." Starsky reached out and took Hutch's head in his hands, and slowly and gently turned Hutch's head until they were face-to-face, eye-to-eye.

   "Starsky, I can't take much more of this. I just can't deal with this mess anymore. I want to get out of here. I don't know...how to deal with all that has happened." Hutch had a defeated tone in his voice.

   "Hey, I know this hasn't been easy for you. But things can only get better now. The CAT scan was good, the doctor says that the seizures will stop. Starsky hated to hear Hutch sounding so down.

   "It's just all so confusing and scary. I don't understand why any of this happened. Why did Rita have to die? What I went through...why?" Hutch's voice shook with emotion.

   Starsky wanted so much to comfort his friend. "I know you're scared and frustrated with everything right now. But things will get better. I'm gonna be right with you every step of the way. When you're feeling better, we can talk about all of it. Hey, and I already cleared it with Dobey, that when you're strong enough, we're taking some time and going camping." Starsky even sounded like that was something he was looking forward to.

   Suddenly Hutch's defeated look changed. His face now held a trace of a grin. "Yeah, I seem to remember you talking about camping. That sounds good, but I'm gonna pass on the shave and the haircut if you don't mind. Like you said, the ladies like it."

   Starsky stared open-mouthed at his partner. "You really did hear me!"

   "Well, why do you think I came out of the coma? I couldn't take any more of your constant chatter." Hutch couldn't help himself, he just had to laugh at the outraged look on his partner's face.

   Hutch's laughter quickly turned to tears, his emotions suddenly overloaded. Starsky pulled his partner close. "It's gonna be okay. I know there were things that went on in that basement that you're gonna need to talk out. I'll be here to listen, buddy. We can get through this together."

   Until Hutch reached up and wiped the tears from his eyes, Starsky hadn't even realized that he, too, was crying.

   "Sorry," Starsky mumbled as he reached for some Kleenex, handing several to Hutch.

   "You don't have anything to be sorry for. We always feel each other's pain, but we're also each other's strength and confidence. We'll be okay." Hutch smiled and Starsky quickly returned the smile.

********

   With no more seizures and Hutch's wounds healing nicely, the detectives soon left the hospital together. They both knew that the psychological ramifications still had to be dealt with, but together they would get through it.

   Starsky moved into Hutch's apartment to take care of him. But as always, they would be taking care of each other.

THE END