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It's Only Tomato Juice - This Time!

BY

Karen B

   What a day! Starsky stepped out of the hot steamy shower water dripping from him like a melting ice cream cone.  He slipped some on the wet ceramic tile as he wiped away the steam off the mirror, and starred at his reflection.  He removed the last piece of pasta that was stuck behind his ear. Damn stuff really did need twenty more minutes and a dash more oregano. Finally dressed and smelling more like a man then an Italian cuisine he headed down to the garage where the Torino was parked.  Time to meet Hutch at his place and then head to the Pits for a game of darts and a much-needed brew.

   He smiled at his sleek red, and white striped finely tailored machine. He stopped abruptly at the sight of something rummaging about on his shiny black tailored leather seats.

   He got a quick glimpse of the cute little ball of fur that had decided to make itself at home inside his second best friend.  Before he could get to close the frightened kitten scrambled and flew under the front seats to hide.  He opened the car door noting he left the windows down must have crawled in looking for a snack he snickered to himself. Then he noticed the bag of left over jelly filled donuts that had been torn open. The crumbs and globs of sweet sticky stuff lay nibbled at all over the seat of his car. "Damn cat." He opened the car door and knelt to the ground sticking his head down on the floorboard and peering under the seats.

   "Here kitty, kitty, kitty." He called out to the frightened fluff ball. He saw the small black button eyes staring back at him.  Kind of reminded him of his teddy bear Ollie.  Gonna be late now gotta get this thing out of my car.

   He reached under and felt around pulling out several old Styrofoam coffee cups, a set of keys he lost, hand cuffs Hutch lost, and some loose change. He grabbed at something soft. "Hey there it is been looking for that black knit cap for years."

   Finally he felt the soft fur ball as it trembled under his touch. "It's okay kitty, kitty come on out." He figured he had a hold of its tail and pulled. The animal clung to the floor of the car.  As he yanked it out he cringed as he heard his carpet being ripped to shreds by the frightened animals claws.

   He finally had the soft little bundle in his arms and raised up off the floorboard and shut the car door. Starsky peered down to the animal he cradled in his arms.  Strange looking cat didn't look like any cat he had ever seen he stroked the animals head.  "You must belong to someone around …" If his face weren't attached to his head so well it would have fell to the floor.  The most god-awful smell hit his nostrils.  It smelled like rotting eggs no, no smelled like someone hadn't bathed in forty years, or maybe it smelled like, like "Oh Hell." He dropped puss 'n boots to the ground poor thing landed like a sack of potatoes, skunks don't land on their feet ya know, and scampered off.

   Poor Starsk he ran back up to his apartment his mind racing like he were a stock car in the Indy 500.  "What do ya do to get rid of a skunk smell?"  He grabbed the only things he could think of tomato juice and his last bottle of Chianti wine.  He tried holding his nose and juggling the items as he reached in a drawer for the can opener and ran to the bathroom.  Peeling his clothes
off he figured he would have to burn those he jumped into the tub.  Opening his supplies he began to dump them over his head.  He blinked back the tears as his eyes stung from the smell and oils of the cute little kitty.  "Gordo." He spoke to himself with the tones of an idiot.

   Realizing this was not enough he wrapped himself in an orange towel and headed to the kitchen junk drawer where he found a wire bristle brush.  Starsky made his way back to the bathroom as the red juices dripped to the floor leaving little round dime shaped crimson drops all over the place.

   He sat on the edge of the tub leaving the orange towel in place and began to scrub his body head to toe with the juice.  He lathered up the wire brush with soap as well and continued to scrub like a sailor swabbing the deck of a ship.  "Ouch!"  His skin turned raw pink from his vibrant attempts to rid himself of his newly found cologne.

   Hutch looked to the clock "Starsk, where the hell are you now?"  Picking up the phone he dialed the number of his partner something he could do in his sleep.  No answer. He waited longer thinking he probably was on his way. But when the clock struck twelve, waking him from his little catnap and still no partner, worry set in.  Hutch grabbed his keys and headed out the door with a slam.

   Hutch let himself in.  The apartment was very quiet to quiet.  Looking around nothing appeared out of place.  Hutch moved in across the living room that's when he noticed the drops of blood on the wooden floor.  "Starsk," he whispered, as he pulled out his gun -- which was big enough for King Kong to use.  

   God what did his partner get himself into this time.  Hutch followed the drops of blood.  His face drawn with worry and his heart skipped a few beats as he followed the blood trail.  What would he find this time? A drugged poisoned partner near death on the floor, a bloody rendition of Van Gogh painted on his bathroom mirror, a bullet riddled body? "I can't take this any more buddy you better be okay." Hutch's vivid imagination ran rapid in those few seconds of time.

   The blood trail ended at the bathroom door and he slowly opened it with dread in his heart.

   Starsky still sat on the edge of the tub leaning against the wall with eyes closed.  He needed a breather all that scrubbing had exhausted him. His skin was a raw pink and dripped with the sudsy red concoction.

   "STARSKY!" Hutch screamed and ran to his bloody friend.  "Partner talk to me. What happen who did this to you?"  Hutch was frantically shaking his friend and trying to pull him into a comforting hug.

   Starsky's eyes flew open startled.  "Hutch slow down take it easy partner its okay, I..." Before he could explain to the blond blintz -- who had him in a bear hug of worry -- he felt himself fall to the ceramic tile, landing like a sack of potatoes. Humans don't land on their feet ya know. "Damn it Hutch, that hurt!"

   The smell that hit his nose caused Hutch to drop his partner to the ground like he was unloading a ton of bricks.  "Starsky what the hell is that smell?" Hutch grabbed at his mouth and pinched his nose at the same time. "What the hell did ya do now buddy, that isn't oregano I smell." His words were muffled and nasal sounding. "Smells like, like a locker full of sweaty gym socks, or like, like one of Captain Dobey's fish sandwiches left in his desk drawer for a week or like, like.."

   "Shut up blintz it doesn't matter what it smells like.  I got skunked. Thought it was a cat in my car." Starsky picked up the wire brush and resumed his scrubbing. "Ouch, ouch, owe."

   "Good God partner I thought somethin' happened to ya." Hutch holstered his elephant gun all the while laughing.

   He cringed, however, when he saw how pink and raw his partner's skin was from scrubbing and the near, swollen-shut eyes from the stinging oils of the skunk. "Partner your gonna rub your skin off and still smell bad, is that tomato juice you're using?"  Starsky's head nodded yes, as he continued his concentrated efforts.  "Buddy, that won't work."  Hutch left the room and came back with some new concoction peroxide, baking soda, and dish soap.  He took the moving wire brush out of his partner's hand grabbing a bath towel, and began to scrub with the new mixture.  Gagging at the smell he moved out of the bathroom only to return again with a clothespin on his nose. Hutch picked up the cloth and began to scrub once more at his partner's already harsh skin. "Ouch," Hutch yelled out.

   "S' okay Hutch, don't hurt so bad," Starsky murmured, although his skin felt like he was just drug behind a car across a gravel road full of rose thorns for fifty miles.

   "Starsky," Hutch began with a nasal tone still. "The ouch was for me. My nose is killing me. This clothespin feels like a damn goose hangin' off the end of my nose. This isn't working, I'm calling the Dobeys, maybe Edith knows a remedy."

   "Ah Hutch, come on this is embarrassing don't need everyone knowing I couldn't tell the difference between a cat and a skunk.  I'll never here the end of it."  Starsky whined like a two-year-old wanting his Mommy.

   "Well ya can't go around smellin' like, like, like the bog of eternal stench now can ya?"  Hutch ran from the bathroom slamming the door leaving his rotten, stinking, partner alone.  He called the Dobey house.

   Dobey and Edith arrived in a hurry with a bucket full of orange juice, white vinegar, and soap. The three of them entered the bathroom with clothespins on their noses and wash clothes in hand.

   Starsky could only roll his eyes.  "Hutch the least ya could do is bring me one of those wooden nose plugs."

   Hutch graciously pulled a wooden pin from his pocket holding it up in front of his smiling face, and laughing, "spare."

   Starsky swiped the thing from Hutch's hand and placed it on his nose.  "Mom packed these damn things for me last year said I would need um. I never could understand why…now I know," his nasal voice drummed.

   A knock at the bathroom door turned all three washers' heads.  Except Starsky who still sat on the edge of the tub in his orange towel stinking to high heaven and muttering indecent words under his breath.

   Hutch opened the door.  Huggy stood with a bucket in one hand and a sponge in the other wearing a doctors mask and green scrubs. Hutch had called The Pits and told Huggy not to expect them tonight and why.

   "Never fear Huggy's here. I come prepared my fellow odor eaters. Let me see the patient. The amazing Doctor Huggy Bear has the answers to your ... holy mistaken cats give me one of those things."  Huggy ripped the wooden clothespin from Hutch's nose.  

   Hutch grabbed at his shiny red, running nose and screamed "hhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" He reached into his pocket and held up another placing it snugly on his gleaming red nose. "Emergency spare," he pronounced loudly.

   Huggy pinned his nose as well, and headed over to the now rubbed raw Starsky.

   "My man you give a new meaning to the word pink as a babies behind." Huggy giggled under his mask.

   "Phew! Wonder if Peppy la pew ever smelled this bad? Smells like, like, fermenting gym clothes, like, like broccoli, cabbage, nuts, beans, bread and beer all rolled up into one. My man you're like the Holy Grail of bad smells." Starsky's swollen, yet still topaz blue eyes, rolled upward in royal blue disgust. He was to sore and his pride had been sucked down the drain he just sat in silent torture

   Huggy took the red sponge and dipped it in his grandmother's recipe.   "Guaranteed to remove rust off a car."

   Edith took a sniff. "What's in that Huggy?"  She wiped away a tear from the sniff she just took and quickly placed her clothespin back on her nose.

   "Ancient tribal secret." Huggy began to scrub.

   It had been several hours now.  The washcrew long gone and clothes dead and buried six feet under (RIP).  Starsky lay in his bed under a light sheet. Sore, sleepy, skinned alive, and stinky. He stared to the mirrored ceiling.   Hutch feeling a bit guilty at all the ribbing and clothes pinning peaked into the room.  "Hey buddy, ya doin okay there?"

   "Hutch I feel like a skinned cat." Starsky failed miserably his wise cracking joke didn't hit home with his partner.

   "Gordo, I'm sorry this got so out of hand.  Least ya don't smell like a skunk anymore."  Hutch truly was trying to be sympathetic.

   "No I just smell like a cross between a Bloody Mary, a tossed salad, first aid kit, and grandma Bear's rust removal tonic.

   Hutch sat on the bed and lay a hand on his partner's head. "I was really scared for a second there Starsk.  I saw the red drops on the floor and you didn't show up.  Thought somethin' happened to ya again."  His hand twitched some as he kept it lying on his partner's head. His earthy sage blue eyes became forlorn as his mind drifted off into some distant place in his soul.

   Storms of the past flooded Hutch's soul. Almost lost him one to many times.   I saw those spots of blood and thought this time is it. This time he is gone. This time I'm too late. This time there won't be a break in the case just in time.  An antidote to save him.  This time there won't be any amount of pressure to stop the blood from flowing. Won't be any words of comfort to keep him going. The hail was pounding incessantly now against his chest.  The storm he felt within him was frightening. The gray sky circled around his heart the ice-cold fingers of the wind and ice cold bits of rain ran through his veins.  He waited for the storm to pass this time it did.

   "Hey, hey. " He felt a light touch upon his own hand that still lay on his partner's head.

   "You okay partner? It's okay just a little round with Mother Nature. Come on Hutch ya can't live your life always worrying about me."

   Hutch wisped away a long curl that hung down on his friend's forehead.  "I know that partner and your not going anywhere anytime soon if I have anything to say about it. And this time I do."

   This time their eyes met with love.  Seeing with the eyes of love is the most powerful force on this earth. This time the storm passed by brief and unscarring.

   Hutch fell asleep leaning against the headboard. His palm on the head of his partner and friend. Safe.  This time it was just tomato juice.

THE END