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Sorry Means Never Having To Say A Word
(Starsky VS. Hutch Missing Scene)

By

Karen B

   Starsky sat quietly on the rickety old wooden dock. It rocked softly beneath him in time to the waves that lapped up against the crates. His blue Adidas shoes and white socks balled up into them tossed carelessly aside. One tennis shoe lay dangerously close to the edge the heel hanging over the side of the dock and laces dangling toward the sea. His blue jeans rolled up as bare feet skimmed the top of the water playfully. He watched the ripples he made widen till they were no more

   The pink haze of dawn mingled with the misty vapors that rose from the sea. He watched a lone seagull fly past its cries echoed through his soul adding to his loneliness and heartache. He watched the bird till it became a small dot in the frosted pink sky and finally disappeared.

   The path his mind wondered down brought him to a junction and he stood in silence. Which way would he, they go?

   The connection between them was severed. The wedge was tight and he could feel the distance. It felt cold, alone, the distance scared him the nothingness pulled and twisted his heart like a child molding a piece of play dough. It took on no form, no shape, it lay there like a heavy lump and stuck to his heart slowing its beats.

   He never hit Hutch out of anger NEVER ...until now. The image played over and over in his head like a bad song. Nothing was worth that. Nothing was worth the damage he had done to their friendship. Not money, not fancy cars, not power or fame, certainly not worth a women. A woman who didn’t know what true love was. A women who played games just to boost her own ego. How could he have thought he loved her? She didn’t understand the word let alone him. He splashed at the sea harder as his frustration and pain built. A bullet to the heart would be less painful, a knife twisted into his back, the statue of Liberty falling on top his head, a mac truck flattening him to the pavement, anything would pale to the pain he now felt rolling inside him like a hurricane.

   He never really loved her. He was just feeling alone and empty and she temporarily filled that space. He could understand that now. Now that the wedge was they’re giving him the room to see clearly. That wedge dug into his ribs and tried to spread them apart the way an eagle would spread its wings. The pain inside greater then any he had ever felt before. If he pulled the pin of that grenade and swallowed it letting the time bomb explode him into a million pieces it still wouldn’t compare to this god-awful hurt inside. Hitting Hutch the way he did out of his frustration and ignorance of what he thought was real was like cutting out his own heart. He rather die then ever feel this pain again. He knew Hutch would come soon he could feel his partners pain as well, it coursed through his veins with each beat of his own aching heart.

   Hutch sat at his desk in the empty squad room. There was no need to be at work today. It was his, their day off. He couldn’t sleep at home he passed the hallway till he could stand himself no more. He figured he would distract the pain that wanted to wrench his heart out his nose so he found himself here.

   He reached for the pig bank, Starsky’s pig bank the one that he saved his candy money in. The pig’s arms lay crossed around itself and its eye’s glared at Hutch. Telepathically the pig spoke to him. How could you hurt him that way? You heard him say he loved her and he felt she loved him to. That right there should have sent you packing but something inside you made you stay. What was it what was so important what did you need to prove? Nothing important since ya can’t understand why ya did it in the first damn place. Yet you crossed the line. That fine line between what is allowed and what is not. You took the code of honor and respect and you slammed it to the ground grinding it in like a used cigarette. Hutch’s forehead wrinkled trying to hold back the tears that wanted to spill out his colonel blue eye’s. The ceramic pig’s words plunged him into sorrow. He should have hit you harder he held back you know. Held back out of love for you out of absolute devotion toward you. Hutch still held the pig up to his face it’s eyes burned with disgust as the voice played out in his head. Your a scoundrel Hutchinson a black hearted thief. You stole from your best friend. I’m not talking about the women. You stole his trust you stole his friendship you stole his love for you and defaced it like graphite on the walls.

   He couldn’t take the pigs words any longer. They drove into him like a stake through the heart. He wanted to slam the silly bank against the wall. His hand gripped the ceramic pig and raised it back over his shoulder like a football preparing to shut it up to stop the words that were like daggers to his heart. It dawned on him as he relaxed his grip on Starsky’s candy money the words were his own. They came from the depths of his soul. He had to find his partner had to set it straight if he could. He gently placed the pig back to his post. Damn thing seemed to be pleased with itself point made. Hutch left the empty room he knew where to go and what he had to do.

   Hutch walked smoothly and slowly toward his partner who still sat on the edge of the dock. The misty pink vapors still lingered above the bay. All was quiet all was still only the symphony of gulls could be heard in the distance.

   Hutch ceremoniously placed his brown loafer shoes white socks balled up into them next to his partners. He noticed the lone blue shoe close to the edge about to fall into the sea. He reached over placing it also next to his. A symbol of his longing to be close again to his best friend. He rolled up his tan pant legs and moved tentatively like a scared child toward his partner.

   Starsky never turned but felt the presence of his partner he still stared to the ripples his feet continued to make in the sea.

   Hutch sat on the old gray wooden dock his feet also dangled into the sea, only a few inches from his friend but, not touching he didn’t dare not yet. They sat in silence time had no meaning held no place here. The nemeses this time held no gun, no knife, and no hypodermic needle. The woman named Kira had done more damage to them then any weapon could ever inflict.

   The dock swayed back and forth in time with the tides and both men were gently slid closer to one another because of it. Still not looking to each other but out at the distant sunrise that colored the sky in pink and purple hues. Both their hands flat on the deck resting on either side of them. Finger tips brushed fingertips. The wedge began to break down.

   They rocked gently in time to their own heartbeats it seemed. Shoulder brushed against shoulder shoving the wedge between them out of their way. Soul reconnected with soul the journey back had begun. Fingers that were just a feathers touch moved simultaneously lacing onto each other as if drawn by some unforeseen force.

   Curly head and wispy blond slowly eased toward each other locking together. Arms followed suit and wrapped their love around relaxing shoulders.

   They were on neutral territory, sacred ground the pain still there, but the wordless sorrow between them giving back the gift of them, the gift of me and thee, the gift of undying, unconditional, true love.

THE END