Comments about this story can be sent to: Kkellen748@aol.com

Kathy Kellenberger

   I only noticed how cold the night was after I woke up and became aware of my surroundings. Where was I? How did I get here? I just laid for a while, unmoving, looking at the stars and the blackness of the night. I was kind of dazed, my head hurt and my vision was blurry. It took a while to adjust. I felt a throbbing in my left leg. I tried to reach for the pain as if holding it would make it better. It didn't. As I moved the pain became excruciating. My head started to clear and I realized I was alone. I called for Starsky, knowing that he was not there to hear me. It was just a natural reaction. I called for him when I needed anything and he did the same. I needed him now.

   It became clearer to me what happened. I didn't know why, but someone had run me off of the road. That's how I must have gotten here. I needed help but couldn't move to get it. Things were still fuzzy, but I took note that my car was upside down and I was trapped in its hold. I didn't panic, I knew I had the police radio...someone would come soon...soon as I called for help.

   It took all the strength I had, which was not much, but I got to the radio. It wouldn't be long now and Starsky would be by my side, to rescue me, to tell me everything would be okay, and to hold me till I wasn't scared anymore. I was so scared. The radio didn't work, must have gotten damaged when the car rolled to its destination at the bottom of the canyon I was now a part of. My first reaction was anger, at the useless radio, at whoever ran me off the road, at the entire day. There are rough days, and then there are the days from hell. This was the latter. I threw the damn radio, cursing at it at first, then without warning the tears came. I wanted Starsky. I wanted to be warm and safe. I wanted the damn pain to stop. Anger and fear turned to panic and I yelled at the top of my lungs to anyone or anything that could hear me. It was useless...no one could hear me. I yelled until my throat felt as though it was raw. I tried to calm myself thinking that when daylight arrived, someone was bound to see the tire marks that must have been left on the road and someone...someone would find me.

   I didn't sleep much that night. I tried, but was too scared and the few moments of rest I did get were haunted by nightmares. Nightmares of never being found. Of dying a slow death from thirst or starvation or by a hungry wild animal I would not be able to defend myself against. My gun was not in its holster. I couldn't see where it may have landed. It was too dark. I stopped trying to get away from reality with sleep and forced myself to stay awake. I don't know which was worse. The sleeping nightmares or the real one I was awake for. I prayed that Starsky would be looking for me, but why should he? He thought I was treating a lovely lady to a nice dinner. All I had was the hoping and waiting and the waiting and hoping.

   The night gave me a lot of thinking time. Many things entered my mind that I didn't want to think about. I couldn't escape those thoughts, God knows I tried. The hours went by so slowly, alone, cold, weak and scared. I was sure I would lose my leg at the very least, my life at the most. The dawn of daylight never looked so good and was never so welcomed. I had survived the night.

   As much as it hurt, I stretched as far as I could to reach my gun. I could at least make some noise...then someone would know I was here. I almost had it...almost.

   "Glory Hallelujah," I think that was the song the guy was singing. He sounded so happy and I was happy to hear him. I would have been happy to hear Aerosmith at that point. I was rescued. He would get help, get Starsky, get me out from under the car and out of the canyon. They would be able to save my leg and I would live.

   Well, that thought didn't last long. The hope of being rescued faded fast. The 'guy' was happy. He was freakin' crazy and confused! Most crazy and confused people are happy, aren't they?

   As the day went on, any hope I had had turned into despair. I was desperate. I had nothing to lose. I was reduced to begging and pleading with the disoriented man named Sonny. I couldn't be cruel to him; he was kind of pathetic, really. He didn't mean any harm, he was just an old man, stuck in another time and another place...France, to be exact. He had no intentions of helping me, but I didn't stop asking. I had to be able to reach him somehow. The day went on and the pain got worse. I couldn't stand it, but I couldn't get away from it either. I had moments of hope and moments of panic. Sonny thought I was something I was not. I knew in his world he would have thought it good to kill me... He did want that medal, after all. I did a lot of praying.

   Night was beginning to fall once again. I was still trapped in my car, everything hurt, and I was getting cold again. My back was hurting cause I couldn't move off the hard surface, and I needed a bathroom really bad, a luxury I never really thought about before. I knew that if Sonny didn't help me I would never see home again...never see Starsky again. I started the begging and pleading once more.

   I wanted Starsky. I wanted him to find me while I still had some dignity left. I know he must have been looking for me by now.

   By nightfall I knew I was going to die. Sonny was of no help and I lost hope in getting through to him. I was his prize find! He refused to give me any more water. He said I was his prisoner and that I didn't deserve food or water or any comfort for what I did to his people. I watched as he drank freely from his canteen full of fresh water. Who the hell did he think I was! My lips were so dry and my throat was parched, I could hardly swallow anymore. I started feeling lethargic, and even when I cried the tears became less. I knew I was getting severely dehydrated. I felt my heart racing and new my blood pressure was probably dangerously low. I wished that I didn't have all the medical knowledge that I did, then I wouldn't have known I was dying. The chills were back and I was cold, my skin felt clammy and I felt my coordination going fast. I was going into shock. I needed help desperately. I was determined to hang on as long as I could. I mentally kept calling for Starsky and telepathically told him where I was. Starsky was the one who believed in all that stuff, but maybe he was right... I hoped he was right and that somehow he could hear me or feel me calling for him. I begged Sonny again for just a little water. I even tried to convince him that he would want a live hostage, wouldn't he? I hated begging him to help me, but what I hated the most was the crying I was reduced to. He said I should be crying, that I deserved it, and maybe now I would know what his men went through because of me and my people.

   I no longer had any control over my emotions and had no pride left. I screamed for Starsky, thinking if I screamed loud enough he would somehow hear me. I was beginning to lose bits and pieces of the reality I was living in, and even thought I saw Starsky coming down the hill to get me. He kept getting closer but was continuously pulled back, never being able to reach me. I held out my hand to him...I needed him to reach me...I just needed him.

   I was getting colder. I wasn't sure if it was the coldness of the night or if my body was shutting down and death was claiming me slowly. I couldn't stop shivering and I was having trouble catching my breath. My leg was throbbing and I knew it was swelling terribly. I felt numbness and tingling in my foot and lower leg. I couldn't move my toes anymore and was sure that gangrene would set in. The way it felt, I was certain my left leg suffered an open fracture and I knew infection would set in very fast if help didn't arrive soon. If I lost my leg I couldn't be a cop anymore... I couldn't be Starsky's partner anymore. I started to cry once again.

   I must have started to hallucinate in the middle of the night. I thought I saw Starsky by my side a couple times. I must have passed out at one point, or two or three. I had terrible nightmares. The first nightmare was awful! It was about my funeral! Starsky was crying. There were a lot of people there, Cap'n Dobey, Huggy, friends and fellow officers... I looked for my mom and dad and didn't see them. I was still being punished for becoming a cop and going against my dad's wishes. I knew my mom would have been there if dad would have let her. Did my dad still hate me that much? Then there was Starsky, my precious Starsky. I wanted to tell him I wasn't dead, but they closed the casket lid on me before I could tell him. That was when I woke up...shaking, sweating, crying.

   I drifted into another nightmare and heard the radio station I listened to, KBEX with Michael Jackson... It was a talk radio station and I heard him talking about the poor police officer who was found dead in a canyon just outside of the city. He talked of donations that could be sent to the police organization and of how the body was found badly decaying. I was startled awake by another round of song... Sonny was back. I realized I must have lost control of my bladder while I was out. I was so ashamed and humiliated, even in the condition I was now in. I didn't want Starsky to find me this way. I had no dignity left. I started begging Sonny for help once again.

   God, Sonny loved his songs... and talk, well, the guy never shut up! I heard more war stories in one day and night than I had ever heard in my life. At least he was a little bit distracting. I was hurting so bad, everything hurt, mostly my leg and my head. I didn't want to make him angry, I didn't know what he would do. He still had my gun and I didn't really want him to go. I was so afraid of dying alone in this godforsaken place. I just wanted him to keep talking to keep me awake and away from the nightmares. I thought maybe he would help me after all, but he didn't. He left.

   I slipped into another dream. This one was not so bad. I was with Starsky and we were jogging in the park. My leg was okay. The sun was out and we were joking and laughing. Suddenly, he ran in front of me that is when the dream turned bad. Starsky ran in front of me so fast that I lost sight of him. I called for him to wait for me, but it was as though he couldn't hear me. He was gone and I was laying in the park, crawling, cause I only had one leg... I had lost the other one. I woke up shivering again... I was too weak to call out for him. It was out of my hands now. If I was going to be found, it would be without my assistance. Yes, I tried the radio once more, but didn't get through to anyone. No one answered anyway. I felt sick. I was afraid to be awake, but afraid to fall into a sleep too because of the nightmares. There seemed to be no way out.

Ending to be finished…