Kathy Kellenberger

   Captain Dobey and Edith were treating the two detectives to a nice dinner in appreciation for all of the hard work and dedication the two had put in over the years. Tonight marked Starsky and Hutch's ten year anniversary on the force. There had been many close calls over those years and all in attendance gave thanks to whatever Higher Power it was that watched over them so closely. The last ten years had been a journey of learning, love and close friendship for Starsky and Hutch. Their lives had been changed upon their first contact with each other at the academy. Neither knew then of the impact they would have on each other nor of the trials they would endure. They did not take their friendship for granted. They clicked, they understood, they loved. Both had given and taken from each other, all out of the deep love that was apparent immediately upon their first interaction. It was "Me and Thee" from the first moment.

   Gratitude and thankfulness was exchanged with the Dobey's before their departure for home after dinner. It would be a long drive back to the city in Hutch's car, to Starsky's dismay. It had started to rain and the wind was picking up in force.

   Starsky was becoming lethargic after indulging in the gourmet smorgasbord they were treated to. Hutch expected his partner to be sound asleep before they got over the first mountain as he watched Starsky's eyes bobbing open and closed as though they were bobbing for apples.

   Hutch's prediction was correct. He knew his friend and was familiar with all of his actions, routines and idiosyncrasies. Hutch turned on the radio for some company. He reflected on some of the things that they had been through together over those last ten years and silently thanked God that his friend was still with him, alive, healthy and strong once again.

   Starsky slept with a contented smile as he slid down in the seat next to Hutch, resting his head against the passenger's side window. The rain intensified and a storm was brewing, but even the sound of the pelting rain and wind did not stir his sleeping beauty. Hutch thought that the thunder and lightening would surely wake his partner, but was wrong on that count too.

   A sudden loud thud did cause Starsky to jerk awake. A tire had blown out on the Ford and he held on to the dashboard as his chauffeur attempted to control the out of control car.

   Hutch's first reaction was to reach over to make sure Starsky would not hit the dashboard, as he applied the breaks in an attempt to stop the car. Before coming to a complete halt, the car had done a total 360.

   "Damn! You okay Starsk?" After he was convinced that his passenger was not harmed he got out of the car to check on the damages. The storm was raging. The wind picked up in speed and the rain was coming down so fast and hard that it hurt. Visibility was bad and the thunder sounded as angry as the lightening appeared.

   Starsky shook his head to clear his dizziness and was still clenching the door handle and the dashboard as he heard his now angry partner outside of the car having a personal and heated one on one conversation with his beloved set of wheels. Starsky knew that one day the old Ford would drive Hutch over the edge so to speak. He decided it was time he went to his partner's rescue.

   "Hey?"

   "Hey what!"

   "Something wrong Hutch or did you just decide to stop and enjoy the weather?"

   "Don't start Starsky!" Hutch took a moment to hold up and point a finger at his passenger.

   "You gonna tell me why we're out here? Why we stopped? Unpleasantly I might add."

   "Tire! Damn tire! Its flat Starsk! I'm not out here for my health!"

   "You'll survive this Hutch. You're tough." Starsky was trying to find some humor in an unpleasant situation. He didn't have to try hard as Hutch was so angry he slipped in his fit of frustration and was now lying in the mud, his new shirt and pants were covered in the brown slop and he was looking like a drown rat.

   Trying to stay upset was useless as Hutch had to laugh too at what he must have looked like. He knew an opportunity when he saw one. "Can you give me a hand Starsk?"

   Hutch pulled Starsky down onto the ground and wrestled his helper until he too was covered head to toe in mud. Both were laughing, smearing mud over each other's faces until they were unrecognizable.

   "Hey Starsk? We gotta get this tire fixed and get home. Wanna help me change it?" Hutch's mood was much improved with a little help from his partner.

   "Okay" Starsky said hesitantly. "But next time we take my car...."

   "The spare's in the trunk and I think I have a flashlight in there too."

   "Hutch? Think we should wait 'til the storm passes a little? It's starting to lightening pretty bad."

   "We're already soaked, it won't take long...lets get it over with huh? I just want to get home Starsk, don't you?"

   "Guess you're right...lets get it over with."

   Starsky made his way to the trunk, fighting the wind that was picking up in intensity. He found the spare and was searching for the flashlight when the thunder cracked so loud it hurt his ears.

   "Hutch! I don't know how you can find anything in this trunk of yours, its worse than your back seat. Hutch?"

   Hutch was lying on the ground, face down, his body twitching violently.

   "Hutch! This isn't funny! Get up! Get up... please Hutch...Oh God!"

   Starsky raced to his partner, who's seizure like activity had stopped, determining quickly that Hutch had been struck by lightening.. He instinctively felt for a pulse, finding none. "Hutch please!" Starsky screamed at his still friend. He started licking his lips, swallowing air. Hutch couldn't be dead. This had to be some kind of a joke. He began CPR immediately, desperately hoping for some reaction from Hutch.

   Starsky took off his jacket and placed it under Hutch's head. Now was not the time to hyperventilate, but he was overcome with panic. In between giving breaths to his partner he pleaded and begged and prayed.

   "Wake up! Please Hutch...don't do this."

   another breath

   "Come on buddy...please."

   another breath

   "God Hutch...breath for me!"

   another breath

   "Not now! Not like this." Starsky was trying hard to control the sobbing that overtook him...he had to be Hutch's lungs and heart for now...he had to keep his friends body alive.

   another breath

   "BREATH!!!!!! DAMMIT BREATH!!!!!"

   Starsky had quickly radioed for an ambulance and lit some flares that he found in Hutch's trunk before forcing more air into his partner's silent lungs.

   Starsky worked frantically, alternating between compression's and the life he tried to breath back into his partner.

   Come on Hutch...you can do this...Oh God! How long can I keep you going Hutch? Forever if I have to...BREATH!!!!

   Hutch was not responding...no breath...no pulse...no movement. Starsky's tears mixed with the pelting rain...he felt his own life slipping away. The sound of the ambulance was of some comfort.

   I can't do this without you Hutch...please come back to me.

   Starsky felt a hand on his shoulder. He wasn't aware that anyone had stopped, he was too focused on bringing Hutch back to life.

   "What the hell is going on here? STARSKY! What happened?"

   It was captain Dobey. He and Edith had stayed at the restaurant to talk with some friends and left thirty minutes behind Starsky and Hutch.

   "He's not breathing Cap'n and I can't get a pulse! Help me!" Starsky cried, "Hutch was struck by lightening!"

   Captain Dobey immediately took over the compression's while Starsky desperately tried to rejuvenate his non-responsive partner.

   The paramedics arrived on the scene and wasted no time in their efforts to revive the blond unmoving man. Captain Dobey had to hold Starsky back after he was able to pry him from the grip he had on Hutch.

   "Come on son, let the medics do their work...let them try, okay?"

   "Cap'n...I can't lose him...I can't..." Starsky's knee's buckled and would have hit the ground if it weren't for his captain's strong arms gently lowering him onto the cold and wet surface. Starsky's eyes never left Hutch or the paramedics. He was frozen with fear, finding it harder and harder to move and to breathe. "He's...Oh God Cap'n...Hutch is...he's...he's dead isn't he?" Starsky began to crumble. He was hyperventilating and soon blackness took him away as he was going into shock.

   His boys were inseparable, always were, always would be. Mrs. Dobey rushed to her husband's side and cradled Starsky in her lap. She silently cried for the defeated man she was holding and for his friend who may already be dead.

   Hutch had been down and not breathing for over ten minutes. The medics cut off Hutch's jacket and shirt and did everything they could possibly do at the site, then quickly loaded him into the ambulance. They continued with the CPR, they would worry about the severe burns caused by the lightening later...if he lived. The three previous attempts to shock Hutch's heart back to life had been futile.

   Captain Dobey lifted Starsky out of his wife's arms and laid him in the back seat of their car. Starsky was out of it, mumbling incoherently at times and having no response at others. Only one word was clear and consistent....'Hutch.' Dobey took off hastily behind the ambulance carrying the other half of his dynamic duo.

   Hutch was whisked into the emergency room as the paramedics continued to perform CPR and bag their patient via the endotracheal tube that had been inserted in the ambulance. They were determined not to give up hope even though Hutch continued to show no signs of life.

   Starsky slowly shifted out of his state of shock and became more alert and oriented in the emergency room waiting area where he was still being held by Edith Dobey. She continued to nurture him as she would her own son.

   "Hutch...Is Hutch okay now?" Starsky mumbled sluggishly. Starsky was still in a fog, not totally awake. When he remembered the recent events of the night, he began to scream for his partner, nearing hysterics once again. "I need to see him...please. Could they save him? Cap'n, where is he? Please take me to him!"

   "Starsky! Calm down, we don't know anything yet. You need to stay calm for Hutch. They're still working on him. They should be able to tell us something soon." Dobey did his best to settle his dark detective...he knew Hutch was in bad shape and prayed to God he would survive. He put a strong arm around his fragile detective and held him tight, something he normally did not do, but he knew how much support Starsky desperately needed and knew what it was like to lose a partner...a best friend...a lifeline.

   Starsky looked up at his superior, tears in his eyes and nodded 'yes'. "Cap'n, I'm sorry. I'm gonna be strong for Hutch, he's gonna need me."

   Dobey felt as though his eyes would release the tears that he most always kept locked inside as he saw the anguish in Starsky's eyes.

   Starsky sat between the two Dobeys, awaiting any word on Hutch. His lips were dry and his heart was racing. He didn't feel he could wait another minute. He felt as though he might pass out again at any moment. He just stared at the waiting room entrance looking for the doctor to come and tell him that Hutch was going to be okay. It was a long wait.

   One hour later the ER doctor appeared in the doorway, looking drained. He was not smiling. "Mr. Starsky?"

   Starsky stood "I'm Starsky doc. Is Hutch awake now? Can I see him?" Starsky asked hopefully.

   "Mr. Starsky, we worked on Mr. Hutchinson for over an hour. We did everything we could possibly do to save him. I'm sorry...."

   "NO! Don't tell me that! You go back and keep tryin!"

   "He was killed instantly when the lightening struck him...there was no bringing him back...his heart...he didn't suffer."

   Starsky stood frozen, lips quivering, pale, unknowingly holding his breath, trembling. He looked into the doctor...the man who had just delivered the worst news of his life. He was numb, his own heart now badly damaged, not from an electrical current, but from heartbreak itself. Tears silently slid down his cheeks. "Doc, are you sure? Maybe he's just unconscious? Maybe he's in a coma?" Starsky stared at the doctor pleadingly as if begging would bring Hutch back to him.

   "I'm sorry Mr. Starsky...your friend has had no vital signs for over two hours now. I wish I could tell you something different...but he's gone."

   Starsky's trembling became more evident and his knee's buckled. He wanted to hold on to the denial that any of this had happened. He couldn't lose Hutch. Hutch was his best friend...his strength...his courage...his life really. The doctor reached for Starsky as he thought he would most certainly pass out. He didn't though. He found the strength to ask if he could please see his partner.

   Mr. and Mrs. Dobey escorted Starsky to the door of the trauma room that Hutch's lifeless body now occupied.

   The IV's and tubes had been removed from Hutch's body, no longer necessary. He looked peaceful, as though he were just sleeping, unconscious or in a coma. A towel had been placed over his left shoulder to hide the deep burns caused by the lightening.

   Starsky stopped at the trauma room entrance and told the Dobey's he needed to be alone with Hutch. He needed to say good-bye...alone.

   Captain Dobey knew that Starsky needed to do this and agreed, assuring his lone detective that he would be right outside.

   After Starsky disappeared behind the curtain, captain Dobey turned to his wife, embraced her and cried. He cried for both boys who he would never again see laughing and joking together. He cried for his lost friend and the other half that was still alive and now alone.

   Starsky stood just inside the curtain, building up the strength to do what he had hoped he would never have to do, what he had always feared the most...saying good-bye to the tall blond man that came into his life over ten years ago and would change it forever...his friend that he loved so much. He slowly made his way to the side of the table that his partner's body rested on. Starsky tried to catch his breath and began to speak in a soft trembling voice to his friend.

   "Hutch...God Hutch...I miss you so much already. What do I do now? Where do I go? Wherever you are...I want to be there too. Can't you please come back to me?"

   Starsky took Hutch's lifeless hand into his own and curled the limp fingers around his hand with the other. He felt grief and loneliness like he had never felt it before. He was so lost. Hutch's body was still warm and Starsky never wanted to let go. He closed his eyes and held on tight, pretending that Hutch was squeezing his hand back and remembered the two of them joking around and laughing just before...before... "No Hutch! NO!!!" Starsky let go of Hutch's hand and wrapped his arms around his partner's shell, resting his head on Hutch's unmoving chest. He cried and begged and pleaded and continued to hold his friend as tight as he could.

   Starsky's grief could be heard throughout the entire emergency room. He begged and sobbed at the top of his lungs.

   Captain Dobey was soon by Starsky's side. He knew there would be no comforting his young friend. Mrs. Dobey cried as she saw her husband leaning over Hutch's body and embracing Starsky tightly. He too was crying.

   Huggy arrived as soon as he could, but saw by the look on Mrs. Dobey's face and from hearing Starsky's cries, that he was too late. He was not able to make himself go into the trauma room. He didn't want to see Hutch the way he was now...he couldn't...he wasn't ready. He took a seat in the hallway, put his own head down and cried. This time there was "not a chance."

   Dr. Gregory entered the room quietly. He knew Starsky was going to need a lot of support. Captain Dobey let the two men alone. He knew that Dr. Gregory knew his boys well and was very fond of them both.

   "Dave...I'm so sorry." Dr. Gregory said softly as he too was stricken with grief and disbelief.

   Starsky turned to the trusted doctor and fell into his arms, unable to stop sobbing and shaking. He let Dr. Gregory hold onto him for a few minutes before pulling away to go back to Hutch's side.

   "Dave, I know this will be the hardest thing you will ever have to do, but you've got to let him go son."

   Starsky slowly shook his head 'no', concentrating on Hutch's youthful features and stroking the soft blond hair back off of his forehead. His eyes stayed focused intently on his partner, anticipating that somehow Hutch would open his eyes and flash a warm smile...at least a small one.

   "Doc, I can't let him go...I don't know how. We just had dinner...we...10 years on the force...together...we had so many plans...gonna retire together...we were always gonna be together... ME & THEE...Me & Thee...me & thee... Why did this have to happen doc? Why? Not Hutch...not my Hutch." Starsky broke down again. It was just too much for him to handle.

   "Son, there are no answers as to why someone so young and full of life would be taken from us so soon and so suddenly. Let me take you out of here okay?"

   Dr. Gregory's nurturing manner was able to calm Starsky just a bit. He stood beside his young friend, putting one arm around him for support, as he slowly pulled the sheet up over Hutch's face with his free hand. He knew that closure was needed.

   "Come on son, its over. I want you to come with me."

   "Doc, please just give me a little more time...please?"

   The doctor could not refuse Starsky's request. The torment and grief in Starsky's eyes was agonizing. "Okay Dave, I'll be back soon to check on you. They're gonna need to take Ken's body to the morgue...I'm sorry Dave...I shouldn't have said that...take as much time as you need." Dr. Gregory walked out of the room with his head down, wiping away his own tears.

   Starsky didn't really hear the words that absently slipped from the good doctor's mouth anyway. He took a seat on the plastic chair and sat, staring at his covered friend, before resting his weary head on the side of the litter, his left hand on the sheet that covered Hutch's shoulder.

   Starsky drifted into a dream where Hutch was alive and well. The dream went from the academy, to Vanessa, to their promotions of sergeant. The dream continued into all of the times Hutch was there to rescue Starsky, to joking about the Torino and burrito's. Terri came into his dream and laid her hand on the back of his head, telling him that everything would be okay. It seemed so real. Starsky was coming out of his dream, but the comforting hand did not leave his head. He began to weep once more. He had lost the two people he loved most in his life and now was alone. He still felt the hand resting on his head and felt such a loving presence. He wanted to stay in the dream forever...he had no reason to wake up anymore.

   As Starsky became more alert, he realized the pressure on his head was not in his dream. He looked up to see who was there, but no one else was in the room. He looked back toward Hutch and realized it was his partner's hand reaching out for him.

   "Hutch!...HUTCH!!! Somebody help me, Hutch is alive! Oh Hutch!" Starsky ripped the sheet from his partner's face and began to talk to his friend. He was hoping he was not still dreaming.

   Several doctors and nurses scrambled into the trauma room along with Captain Dobey and Huggy. It was not a dream. The heart monitor was quickly replaced and a very slow but steady heart beat proved that Hutch was very much alive.

   The spikes on the heart monitor were few and far between, but they were there. Hutch still showed no signs of breathing.

   The doctor yelled out orders, asking for specific medicines. He gave Hutch several injections and watched the monitor as Hutch's heart rate began to increase. An oxygen mask was placed over his mouth and nose and the IV's that had been removed were restarted. The trauma room was filled with doctors, nurses, the lab team, anesthesia team and Starsky who seemed mesmerized at the entire situation.

   Words could not begin to describe the relief and thankfulness Starsky felt as he watched the heart monitor and saw Hutch's chest rise and fall, very intermittently, but consistently. Hutch was alive...just as he heard Terri say a few minutes ago in his dream..."everything will be okay."

   Starsky was still speechless so captain Dobey started interrogating the doctor, demanding answers for what happened to his blond detective and why they thought he was previously dead. The doctor motioned for Starsky and Dobey to follow him into the hall.

   "Mr. Starsky, Mr. Dobey...I'm sorry for what you must have been going through...I've read about cases like these, but never had one myself. Ken must have been in a shock induced Catalepsy State. People have been buried alive because of this condition. It is very rare. His breathing was too shallow to detect and his heart was pumping, but the beats were extremely far apart and to slight for the monitor to pick up. We weren't able to hear a blood pressure at all and his body was totally immobilized. Thank God 'something' made him respond before we took him to the morgue. Moving any muscle at all is virtually impossible when catalepsy claims the body. Gentleman, I hope you will forgive me, but clinically your friend was dead."

   Starsky walked back into the trauma room, almost as though he didn't hear a word the doctor said. He needed to be with his friend, feel his warm hand and thank God for the other half of his heart which was now beating.

   Hutch was moved to intensive care to be monitored closely. He was in a comatose state and his condition was labeled as critical. Starsky watched the nurses and doctors busy themselves around his partner. He stayed out of their way so no one would make him leave. He would refuse to leave anyway, but he was playing it safe. At the moment he felt he would never want to be separated from Hutch ever again.

   The lightening had been less than kind to its target. Hutch had third degree burns on his neck and left shoulder and also would need to be treated for the burns that were left on his chest as the result of the repeated use of the defibrillator. The doctors had no way of knowing if Hutch had suffered any type of neurological damage and they were concerned in not knowing how long their patient had actually gone without oxygen reaching his brain. They knew that if Hutch survived at all, there would be many possible complications and obstacles for him to overcome. He had a long road ahead of him...hopefully he would make it to that road.

   The doctor's greatest concern at the moment was the damage that was done to Hutch's heart by the strong electrical current. The nurses were handed two pages full of orders including tests to be scheduled, procedures that would need to be done, neuro-checks and additional lab work that would need to be monitored.

   Starsky sat beside his friend, thanking God that Hutch was alive and prayed he would have the strength to get through all that would now lie ahead of him. One thing Starsky was certain of was that Hutch would not have to face his future alone, no matter what it held for him. He vowed with no uncertainty to do anything and everything humanly possible to help his friend. He took Hutch's warm hand in his own and settled into the chair beside his partner's bed. He eventually nodded off to sleep listening to the steady beating sound of the heart monitor, proof that Hutch was indeed alive.

   Hutch remained comatose for three more days...days filled with soothing and encouraging words from his dedicated companion. Starsky felt the need to be as close to his partner as possible...to remind himself that Hutch was alive and on his way back to him. The hospital staff were all deeply moved at the show of affection and love the dark detective continuously provided to the unresponsive man in the hospital bed. They reasoned that if Starsky's love was somehow being felt by its inactive recipient, their patient's odds off recovery had to be hopeful.

   Huggy and Mrs. Dobey made sure Starsky was eating and brought clean clothing to the hospital, as they knew Starsky would not leave his partner's side other than the times where the nurses came in to attend to Hutch's physical and medical needs. Even then he would not venture far. Starsky had to be there when Hutch woke up, for Hutch's sake and for his own.

   Starsky was sitting beside Hutch reading a movie magazine that he had read at least five or six times before. He read aloud each time in hopes of arousing his friend. He was reading through another story when he heard a familiar, golden voice.

   "You read that to me before and I'm tired of it." The voice was weak and soft, but it was Hutch.

   "Hutch! You're awake. I figured you'd get tired of hearing the same story over and over."

   Starsky stroked his partner's cheek and welcomed him back. He wanted to remain strong for his friend but could not stop the tears that fell out of shear joy and relief. It was so good to hear Hutch's voice.

   Hutch took inventory of the room he was in and the monitors and IV's that surrounded him, then glanced at Starsky.

   "Where am I?"

   "You're in the hospital Hutch. You had an altercation with a lightening bolt. You're gonna be okay though, you won...don't worry."

   Hutch took a moment to digest the news then, being very serious, he innocently insulted his partner.

   "You look terrible, were you hit by lightening too?"

   "Thanks buddy." Starsky laughed, "I feel like it, but no, I wasn't." Starsky smiled at his friend. He was so happy to hear the voice he thought he may never again hear.

   "My shoulder hurts and my neck...hell! Everything hurts! Why?"

   Hutch was becoming agitated and tried without success to sit up.

   Starsky gently settled his partner back down onto the bed as he saw Hutch's anxiety growing.

   "Hey...hey, just relax Hutch, you're gonna be okay, but you're gonna be hurting for a while. You've been through a lot buddy, just lay back and don't fight it. I'm gonna ask the nurse if you can have something for the pain...just lay still for me okay? I'll be right back."

   Starsky went to find the nurse to ask for the pain medication and to let them know the good news, that Hutch was awake. When he returned it was only to find Hutch crying and trying to get up again.

   "Aw Hutch...what's wrong? Why the tears kiddo?"

   "My shoulder hurts! And you left me! Why did you leave? I don't like being alone! Don't leave me again okay?"

   Hutch was sobbing and he was scared. He looked around at the monitors that were attached to him once again and then back to Starsky.

   "Get this stuff off of me! I want it off of me and I want to go home!"

   "Hey buddy...calm dow..."

   "NOW! I want to go now! Get me out of here!"

   Hutch began his futile attempt to free himself from the wires and IV's that were now an extension of himself.

   Starsky moved quickly to hold his partner's hands down before he could pull out the IV's. The nurse soon arrived with medication for the pain and also had something for the restlessness and agitation. Starsky held his agitated friend securely until the nurse was finished injecting the medicine.

   Starsky sat on the bed next to Hutch, rubbing his arm and working his magic to calm his agitated friend.

   "Hey Hutch...no one here is gonna hurt you and I'll be right here with you at all times. I won't let anything happen to you, I promise. Think you can close your eyes and get some rest for me?"

   "Maybe," Hutch said in his 'little boy lost' voice, still sniffling. "You promise to stay here with me?"

   "You bet blondie, I promise." Starsky reassured Hutch that he would not leave and Hutch did seem to gradually become calmer.

   "Hey, is my name blondie?" Hutch was wide eyed and very serious.

   "No...your name is Hutch. Well, Ken Hutchinson, but I...I call you Hutch."

   "Okay, you can call me Hutch, but what do I call you?"

   Needless to say, Starsky was becoming very concerned at his friends behavior. As soon as Hutch drifted off to sleep, Starsky demanded to speak with Hutch's doctor.

   The nurse called doctor Gregory who soon arrived to speak with Starsky.

   "Doc, what is wrong with Hutch? He didn't know his name and he didn't even know mine, yet he seems to know and trust me. Does he know who I am?"

   "Dave, Ken has been through quite a trauma physically and we won't know how much if any neurological damage was done until we run some more tests. My guess is that he may have some memory loss or get confused or forgetful, even with minor details. I'm sure this is very frustrating for Ken. He seems to know you, but can't remember your name right? This is not uncommon after going through an ordeal like he did. He may even seem to have regressed to a younger age mentally. Give it time son, he should return to normal, but it could take some time.

   "I'll do whatever I have to doc. I know Hutch knows me...names aren't important. I know he trusts me and is counting on me and I won't let him down."

   Starsky was beside his partner all the way. He consoled Hutch during the painful dressing changes and treatment of the burns on his neck, shoulder and chest and kept him calm and still so the nurses could do their work. This was one of the harder tasks, but the challenge of handling Hutch's mood swings was almost as bad. Hutch would seem to be back to his old self and then would suddenly become agitated, hyper or restless without warning. He would lash out at Starsky telling him to get out…and then cry for Starsky not to leave him and tell him over and over how sorry he was, terrified that Starsky would leave. Hutch seemed to know what he was doing and saying at all times but seemed to have no control over his quick actions or emotions. He remained scared and continued to beg Starsky to take him home.

   As Hutch's wounds began to heal, Starsky encouraged Hutch to start to feed himself again. Hutch still loved his coffee and one morning before Starsky could stop him, Hutch grabbed the scalding hot coffee off of his tray and took a large swallow. He screamed and dropped the rest of the hot coffee down the front of himself. He had burned his mouth and had second degree burns on his chest where the coffee fell. Hutch's initial reaction was anger as he threw the entire tray onto the floor and across the room. Then as he felt the pain he reached for Starsky and cried. Starsky held his partner lovingly as he rocked him slowly back and forth and attempted to soothe his pain, ringing for the nurse immediately.

   Starsky's initial reaction was to scold Hutch, but he knew Hutch just didn't realize that the coffee might be very hot. Hutch seemed to have lost his sense of awareness and fear of a lot of things.

   Shortly after the coffee episode, Hutch asked Starsky why he did that. He was disappointed in himself and just didn't understand what was happening to him.

   "I know that coffee was hot, why did I reach for it? Why wasn't I more careful? Starsky, I just can't seem to think straight most of the time. What is wrong with me? Am I gonna be like this forever? Tell me I'm not Starsk...tell me...I'm gonna get better...please Starsk. I don't want to be like this. I feel like a little kid." Hutch cried into Starsky's chest as Starsky held his friend and rubbed his back. Starsky didn't have any answers for Hutch, but provided as much nurturing and encouragement as he possible could.

   Hutch had been in the hospital for almost three weeks and he was beginning to heal physically from the burns, although the areas were still very tender and open. The doctor ordered physical therapy and occupational therapy sessions for his patient who had become very weak from lying in bed for so long and who was still very uncoordinated.

   The moods swings and tantrums were not improving as the doctor had hoped. Hutch still became confused and frustrated and his emotions were out of control. Starsky took the brunt of Hutch's anger and discouragement. Hutch didn't want to lash out at the only person he trusted...but he did because 'he' was the only person he trusted.

   Starsky remained with Hutch, encouraging him, giving him hope, assisting with the physical therapy and did not get angry with his friend even when the anger directed at him was uncalled for. As the doctor had told him, Hutch would "just need some time" and he could "snap out of it" at anytime, or Hutch's progress might be slow, but "he would get better." Starsky would wait for his partner to heal... and if he didn't...well, Starsky vowed to stay by his side either way.

   Dr. Gregory visited both boys daily. Both detectives were always glad to see him and even Hutch seemed to be comfortable with his presence. Looking worried, Dr. Gregory asked to speak with Starsky in private. Starsky agreed only because he knew Hutch was just given pain medicine and had drifted off. He knew from routine that Hutch would sleep for at least an hour or two.

   "Dave, I wanted to discuss some options with you regarding Ken."

   "Options? What do you mean doc?"

   "Dave, its time for Ken to leave the hospital. I know its a bit soon, but with the flu going around as bad as it is, we're gonna need the bed."

   "But doc, he's still so weak and his shoulder isn't totally healed. I see the nurses changing the dressings four times a day and he still seems to get so disoriented at times."

   "Dave, I'm not saying he should go home. I've talked with the social worker about getting Ken into a rehabilitation program, but the rehabs are full and have no beds available right now either. Our only other option is a nursing facility. Ken can be cared for properly there and they can help him get his strength back."

   Starsky thought he must have misunderstood what the good doctor was telling him. He was seething, pacing back and forth, and trying very hard to remain calm.

   "Hutch isn't going to any damn nursing home! He doesn't belong there and you know it! He is getting better!" Starsky stopped his pacing and took a deep breath.

   "Son, he's not responding like we had hoped. His mental capacity is still that of a ten to twelve year old child most of the time, and the periods of confusion and forgetfulness have not been improving. Besides that, he is still very weak. The physical therapist says he just doesn't seem to be trying. I've read his chart...unless you're there he won't try at all and you can't be there all of the time son."

   Starsky was losing his patience, going into his full protect mode for his partner. He momentarily closed his eyes and bit his lower lip. With a trembling voice he confronted the doctor he had trusted.

   "Don't call me son! I...we trusted you! Hutch is going home, but not to any freakin' nursing home. He's going home with me where he belongs and I'll take care of him. He is going to get better. Hutch and I can manage alone! We don't need anyone else...especially anyone who doesn't have faith in him! I know what Hutch is capable of and I know he's gonna fight to get better. He trusts me and I love him, and if he doesn't get any better...I'll love him just as much that way too! Everything is going to be okay. Now, when can I take my partner home?"

   Starsky was still trying to digest the conversation he had with Dr. Gregory. He was angry and hurt that the "trusted" doctor wanted to dump Hutch in a nursing home.

   That would destroy Hutch...he'd give up totally. He's lost so much already, I won't let him lose his dignity too...I won't let that happen to him...I'll never let that happen to him...never!

   Starsky swallowed hard and turned away as he didn't want the doctor to see the tears in his eyes.

   Doctor Gregory felt bad about the entire situation as well, but his choices were limited. He hated seeing his boys hurting so badly...Hutch hurting physically as well and Starsky nearing exhaustion and hurting deeply emotionally. Doc Gregory knew Starsky was being strong for his partner, but also sensed the deep feeling of grief in his heart. He wanted his best friend back whole, although Starsky would love Hutch no matter what, he was missing his partner who used to laugh and joke with him.

   "Dave, I don't want to see Ken being placed in a nursing home either, but the board talked to me about his case and I was told that he can't stay. They need all the beds they can get. They're having trouble finding room for all of the patients as it is. The rehab would have been much more appropriate for Ken, but they too have no room."

   Starsky ran his hand back through his hair, hesitating before talking to the doctor once more.

   "Doc…you said that Hutch would get better, that the confusion and forgetfulness would clear up on its own. At times he seems like the Hutch I know...Hutch the man, not the boy. Then at other times he seems to be stuck in a world where he was much younger or he's disoriented. Honestly doc, what's going to happen with Hutch? Is the Hutch I knew a few weeks ago ever gonna come back?"

   A pained look came over the doctor's face. "I'm honestly not sure Dave. Initially I was certain his emotional and mental status would just be temporary. I thought he'd be thinking more clearly by now. Cases like Ken's are very difficult to judge. We can't be absolutely certain of what happened to him neurologically or how long he went without oxygen when the lightening struck him. He's lucky to be alive Dave. I can't make any promises to you. There's nothing more we can do for him, but there is always hope. We could see a tremendous improvement at any time...or he could be as he is now for a while, hopefully not forever. I am sorry."

   Doctor Gregory could see by the almost blank look on the pale face that he had just deflated some of Starsky's hope of Hutch improving. That was not the doctor's intention, but he didn't want to be dishonest with Starsky either by giving him false hope. Dr. Gregory was very fond of Hutch too, and it broke his heart to see the strong, intelligent, respected blond being reduced to that of a child, dependent on others for almost everything. He knew that Hutch would be so humiliated if he actually knew of the state he was in and of the childlike and sometimes irrational behavior he was exhibiting. Doc Gregory also knew that Starsky, seeing his partner suffer without a favorable chance of him totally recovering was tearing him apart. The doctor was always in awe of the relationship that existed between his two young acquaintances. He wondered what it must be like to have a friend love you so much that it hurt. Over the years he found that if he was treating one for an ailment or a problem, he may as well treat the other one too. They seemed to feel each other's pain and share each other's disappointments. He had never before witnessed such a friendship, such caring and such unconditional love. In a way he felt a bit envious. He wanted what they had. Who wouldn't?

   Starsky was a bit calmer now. He knew what he had to do and would need to be thinking clearly to do it.

   "Doc, I want to take him home. I'll learn what I have to do to help him."

   "It's a lot to take on Dave...you'll have to watch hi..."

   "I'm gonna take Hutch home! You're not gonna talk me out of it. Doc, I love him, he's my best friend. Hutch trusts me...I can get him walking again and I'll work with him to get his strength back. I can change the dressings on his neck and shoulder and I'll work with his arm 'til he gets back to using it like new." Starsky was openly letting the tears flow, not attempting to hide them from the good doctor as exhaustion was catching up to him fast.

   "Mentally and emotionally...Hutch and I...well, we'll be okay. I'll get things set up tonight. Can Hutch stay here 'til at least tomorrow afternoon?"

   Starsky had taken a seat and sat with his head in his hands attempting to rub away a headache that had been plaguing him from the beginning of the entire conversation.

   "Sure, Ken will be able to stay until then. You'll need to have the nurses show you how to care for his burns. I want you to bring Ken to see me once a week, more if necessary and I want him to see a psychiatrist to evaluate his progress emotionally and mentally. I'll do what I can to help Dave. Contrary to what this might seem like, I do want to help."

~~~~~~~~

   Starsky called Huggy to ask for a hand. Hutch would be coming home in less than 24 hours and he wanted to be prepared. Huggy helped his determined friend to move a twin bed into Starsky's bedroom for Hutch to sleep on. Starsky wanted Hutch to be close where he could watch over him and hear him if he needed any help, had any pain or got scared or confused.

   Starsky spent the next two hours shopping at an all night grocery store, assuring that all the cabinets were stocked and that the fridge was full. He caught himself wondering if Hutch would want more sweet things to snack on with the intermittent changes in his mental status. It was a good excuse to stock up on some junk food anyway as he would eat it if Hutch didn't. He got some healthy stuff Hutch used to like and then added some fun cereals. He decided on Captain Crunch. He also threw in some marshmallows and lots of ice cream.

   Lastly, he cleaned up the apartment, finally being so exhausted that he fell onto the twin bed he brought in for Hutch, and was asleep within moments. He slept until late the next morning, still in his clothing, still tired, but ready to bring his partner home.

   Hutch had allowed one of his favorite nurses to wheel him into the hall near the nurse's station. He had been agitated and restless, and before having to give him another shot to calm him down, she thought maybe some distraction would help. She knew he was going home today and had hoped to keep him alert, not lethargic from the strong drugs that had been prescribed.

   The distraction worked for a while. Hutch seemed to be content just watching the nurses busy themselves doing their jobs and watching other patients passing by in the hall, smiling when the nurses made a fuss over him. Mostly though, Hutch kept his eye on the elevator doors hoping each time they opened that he would see his friend, putting his head down each time he didn't. He didn't know why Starsky was so late, he was usually there to help him with breakfast. Hutch had not been told he was going home today.

   Please Starsky come soon. I didn't mean to do anything wrong...if I did...please come back...I'm getting scared here...please Starsky

   The hospital was scheduled to conduct a fire drill on this day. All of the patients had been informed, including Hutch, but his memory wasn't very cooperative lately. The loud fire alarm bells went off as scheduled and the halls were cleared. An orderly pushed Hutch back into his room and closed the heavy door, leaving Hutch alone, in his wheelchair, in the middle of the room.

   Hutch covered his ears with his hands and closed his eyes tight. He was confused about what was happening and afraid. He didn't like the loud ringing and wanted Starsky...like a son might want their father...to rescue him...to make everything okay. Hutch began to cry and tremble, not knowing what to do. He called for Starsky over and over, crying turning into sobbing.

   The alarms finally stopped just as Starsky burst through the door to Hutch's room, knowing that Hutch would be upset by all of the commotion. He found Hutch alone, in his wheelchair, in the middle of the room, sobbing and calling for him.

   Hutch's knuckles were white from the grip he now had on the arms of the wheelchair. He looked terrified and was now drenched in perspiration. Starsky pulled Hutch's head into his chest and held him tightly.

   "Hey buddy...I'm here now. It's gonna be okay...everything is gonna be okay...shhh...it's all right."

   Hutch let go of the arms of the wheelchair and replaced them with Starsky's strong body. He held on tight. It crushed Starsky to hear his partner whimper like a frightened child. Little things like a fire alarm had never scared Hutch before. Starsky thought about what other fears might now plague his partner. He decided to take things one day at a time with Hutch. They would get through this as long as they had each other.

   Starsky knelt in front of Hutch, who was still trembling, to give him some good news, gently sliding the damp hair off of Hutch's forehead.

   "What would you say to going home today buddy?"

   Hutch looked into Starsky's eyes questioning and hoping.

   "Really Starsky? I've been asking for a long time, do you really mean it?"

   "Of course I do sunshine. The doc just had to give the okay for ya to leave."

   "Are you gonna come in for a little when you drop me off?"

   "I'm gonna do better than that buddy, I want you to stay with me for a while. I could really use the company and I know you'll take real good care of me." Starsky winked at Hutch and gave his best grin. "What do you say pal? You gonna look after me for a while?"

   A bright smile came to Hutch's face as he wiped away at the drying tears. "You mean it Starsky? I get to stay with you? I can't wait...I want to stay with you!"

   But the smile quickly faded and Hutch put his head down as more tears escaped his eyes.

   "Hutch? Hey c'mon...I was only kidding about you taking care of me. We're gonna take care of each other. I won't make you do all of the work."

   Starsky tried to lighten his partner's mood while at the same time he wondered what caused the sudden change. He didn't have to wait long to find out.

   "Starsky, maybe it would be better if I didn't stay with you. I heard the nurses talking. They were saying what a shame it is that I am the way I am now. They didn't know I was listening...I pretended to be asleep."

   Hutch was trying hard not to cry, but it was useless, he felt so defeated.

   "I heard them saying it would be hard for you to take care of me, that I might be a lot of trouble, and that you'd have to give up a lot. I don't want to cause you any trouble...I promise I'd be good."

   Oh God Hutch...you're no trouble...damn nurses! Starsky lifted Hutch's head to make eye contact with him. "Hey...listen to me buddy, you're no trouble at all. I want you with me Hutch, I wouldn't have it any other way. Please come home with me. I really do need you there. We're gonna do great together, always have, but I'll be real sad if you're not there with me. What do you say buddy? I need you."

   Hutch wiped at the tears running down his partner's face. "Don't cry Starsky. I'll do my best. I want to stay with you more than anything...I need you too ya know?"

   Both men embraced, taking strength from each other, both knowing it wouldn't be an easy road, but one they would do their damnedest to overcome.

   Starsky helped Hutch get dressed, careful not to put pressure on the wounds that were still tender. He watched as Hutch did his best to help and was so proud when he got his shirt buttoned all by himself. Starsky didn't have the heart to tell him it was buttoned crooked. He just told him what a good job he did and thanked him for "all of his help."

   Starsky had taken instruction from the doctor and nurses on how to care for Hutch's neck, shoulder and back. The physical therapist instructed Starsky to work with Hutch and encourage him to start to use his left arm among other things.

   The nurses all wished Hutch well and congratulated him on going home. Starsky made a fuss as well. Hutch was happy to be going home, but frequently looked at Starsky for reassurance. Starsky laid a reassuring hand on his partner's shoulder each time.

   The ride home was quiet, as Hutch seemed to be mesmerized with the scenery. He absorbed it all as though he had never seen it before. He had lots of questions for Starsky about almost everything.

   "Starsky, why is that man going through that trash can?"

   "He lives on the streets Hutch. He's homeless."

   "Should we take him home with us?"

   "Nah…he'll be okay, there's a shelter around the corner...he'll get some food there."

   Starsky smiled at his good hearted friend and ruffled his blond hair.

   "As long as he'll be okay." Hutch said, not taking his eyes off of the hobo. "I hope he has a friend like you Starsky...then I know he'll be okay." Hutch said as his head turned as far as it could, not being able to let go of the sight of the homeless man.

   Once arriving at Starsky's apartment Hutch just sat in the car, not attempting to let himself out. He sat in the passenger seat of the Torino and looked up at Starsky's apartment.

   "I remember it Starsky. It's so good to be here. Thanks for bringing me home." Hutch smiled warmly, happy to be home and with Starsky.

   "I'm glad to have you home Hutch. What else was I supposed to do with ya?" Starsky teased. "Wanna get out of the car?"

   Hutch turned and tried to reach for the door handle, when the searing pain road down his left arm and back.

   "Oh God!" Hutch gently let himself rest back against the seat of the Torino, closing his eyes tightly.

   "Hey Hutch, your shoulder hurting?"

   "Hurts bad Starsky."

   "We'll just rest here a minute. I'll get ya something for pain when we get inside."

   Starsky gave his partner time to catch his breath before helping him out of the car. He carried Hutch up the stairs and into his apartment, putting him down on the couch.

   "What about the chair Starsky?"

   "You're not gonna need that wheelchair buddy. You're gonna walk." Starsky said reassuringly.

   "But I can't." Hutch was getting anxious. "I'll fall...please get the chair, I can't walk." Hutch cried, feeling totally defeated once more. He did not want to let Starsky down, he wanted to make him happy and proud.

   Starsky's heart ached. Hutch, I know you're in there...you would never give up like this...please come back. It was definitely "tough love" time.

   Starsky knelt down next to Hutch, in front of the couch, taking both of his partner's hands in his own.

   "Hutch, look at me buddy...I know you're afraid, but I know that those legs work and you need to start using them. I'll always be right beside you and won't let you fall. The only way to get through the fear is to go right through it."

   "I want to Starsky. Damn it! I want to do a lot of things and I can't anymore. See Starsky, I'm already causing you trouble. You can take me back if you want."

   "NO! I don't 'want'. You're stuck with me. You're gonna get stronger and start feeling better. We're gonna work at this together. You don't have to do it alone. I've got lots of stuff planned for us. I can't have any fun if you're not there with me. Please Hutch...trust me on this one okay?"

   "I trust you Starsky...I...I just don't want to be a problem."

   "Aw Hutch, c'mere."

   Both reached for each other simultaneously, embracing and drinking in the love that poured so freely from each man.

   Starsky was extremely glad to have Hutch home. Hutch was just glad to be with Starsky where he felt safe and loved.

   The first week was the hardest. Hutch was beginning to get a little strength back in his legs, but still required Starsky's assistance, not quite trusting his legs yet. He cooperated with Starsky with the physical therapy exercises and let Starsky clean the wounded areas on his left shoulder, back and neck. It still hurt, but was healing well. He was even enjoying the Captain Crunch cereal.

   Starsky was surprised one Saturday morning when Hutch came into the living room where Starsky was watching cartoons.

   "Hutch! You're walking on you're own buddy! I'm so proud of you."

   "Thanks Starsky, can I watch cartoons with you?"

   "Hutch, you don't have to ask if you can watch TV, of course you can."

   Walking was slow and Hutch held onto anything within his reach for security, but he made it over to the couch and sat down next to Starsky. Both laughed over the silly cartoons. Starsky was relieved to hear his partner laughing...it had been such a long time.

   In the next couple of weeks, Hutch's shoulder wound healed to the point where Starsky no longer had to change the dressings, although the area was still tender to the touch and was painful upon movement. Hutch was very protective of his left arm, being reluctant to use it.

   Starsky watched as Hutch continued to be forgetful, leaving the refrigerator door open after leaving the room, letting the milk sit out and ultimately spoiling, letting the water running after getting a drink or using the sink, among other things. He saw Hutch's frustration, as he was not able to remember how to tie his own sneakers.

   Starsky continued to encourage his forgetful partner, praising all of the things he did right and didn't focus on the wrong. Hutch was hard enough on himself for the both of them.

   The mood swings and emotional outbursts were not as severe and at times Hutch even seemed to be his older, more mature self, although it was still and up and down situation. Actually more down than up.

   Starsky worked with Hutch daily to increase his strength and mobility in his shoulder and arm. It was a painful process and Hutch usually needed his pain medicine after the exercises, but he was fighting so hard to get better. He wouldn't let this pain stop him, and again, he wanted Starsky to know how hard he was trying and to be proud of him.

   Starsky was so proud of the courage and stamina his partner was exhibiting.

   A time that Starsky feared would come had indeed arrived. It was about one am when he heard Hutch cry out. He rushed to his partner's side immediately, finding Hutch trembling, crying and curled up in the fetal position with his hands over his ears. Hutch was terrified. Starsky did not have to question the cause of Hutch's terror. A bad thunderstorm had developed. Lightening and loud thunder belting out unmercifully.

   Starsky gathered his petrified friend into a close embrace, rubbing his back, attempting to reassure Hutch that he was safe.

   The storm passed, but Hutch's fear did not. Starsky laid down next to Hutch and held him tightly. Hutch had a near death grip around Starsky's waist as he rested his head on Starsky's stomach. Starsky was eventually able to calm Hutch down enough for him to fall asleep. It was a long night as nightmares plagued Hutch throughout the remainder of the night. He woke frequently sweating and trembling, holding on tighter to Starsky each time.

   Hutch woke before Starsky, who was exhausted from the previous nights activities. He wanted to make breakfast for his partner, who he had kept awake most of the night.

   Starsky woke to the smell of something burning and bolted out of bed to inquire. There was a pan on the stove with fire surrounding it. He quickly grabbed the fire extinguisher and put out the flames. It then occurred to him that Hutch was not in bed and he had not seen him in the house.

   "Hutch!"

   "Out here Starsk."

   Starsky found Hutch kneeling in the yard playing with a kitten.

   "Hutch! What the hell are you doing?"

   "I saw this cute little thing and I wanted to hold it."

   "Hutch!!! You let the fucking stove on and whatever you were making started on fire! How could you be so careless!!!"

   Starsky immediately regretted becoming so angry at his partner...it was a reaction and he knew he should have thought before yelling at Hutch.

   Hutch gently put the kitten back down onto the grass and put his own head down in shame and remorse.

   "I'm sorry Starsky. I wanted to make you breakfast, then I saw the kitten...and I forgot I turned the stove on. I'm really sorry Star...Starsky, I didn't mean to do it. I...I..."

   Hutch brought his hands up to his eyes and cried. He had disappointed the one person in the world that he wanted to impress. He wanted Starsky to have faith in him and now felt that any trust or faith was lost. He was now sobbing as he felt warm, gentle, loving arms around him once more, telling him how sorry he was that he lost his temper and yelled. He leaned his head into Starsky's chest and heard his partner crying as well.

   "Hutch, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to lose it like that. You had a scary night last night...you were pretty shook up...I can see how your mind would be elsewhere. Just forget it okay?"

   "It was stupid of me, I could have hurt you. Can you forgive me? I won't do it again. I won't go near the stove. I promise." Hutch was crying harder and ashamed to look at Starsky.

   Starsky moved back and held Hutch at arms length, lifting his chin so Hutch would look at him.

   "Hutch...don't. I love you buddy. You're not stupid and you're not always gonna be forgetful. Things will fall into place. The doc said your concentration could come back at any time. Don't you give up on me okay? And please stop being so hard on yourself huh?"

   Hutch nodded, wiping his tears away with his shirt sleeve.

   "I love you too Starsky. I'll try harder."

   The rest of the day was pretty quiet. Starsky worked on a model ship he was building and Hutch sat in front of the TV. Starsky noticed that Hutch was sinking into a deep depression.

   "Hey buddy, you gonna stay on that couch all day? You haven't moved from there since late this morning."

   "Just kinda tired I guess. Think I'll take a bath and go to bed."

   "What about dinner? You hardly ate all day."

   "Not hungry Starsky...thanks."

   Starsky sat down next to Hutch and rubbed his shoulders. He knew Hutch needed encouragement and love...lots of love.

   "Okay buddy, if that's what you want to do. A bath might make you feel better."

   Hutch went to run the water for his bath when the phone rang. He called for Starsky but got no answer. He noticed through the window that Starsky had gone out to get the newspaper and was talking with a neighbor.

   "Hello. No, I'm sorry, you have the wrong number."

   Hutch was horrified as he got back to the bathroom and saw that the tub had overflowed. He quickly turned off the water and grabbed all of the towels he could find.

   Oh God! I have to clean this up before Starsky comes back and sees this.

   "Hutch?"

   "I'm sorry Starsky! You were outside...the phone rang...it was...Oh never mind. I screwed up again."

   Starsky just took Hutch into his arms, reassuring him that accidents happen, that everything would be okay and that he was not upset with him.

   "Starsky, I'm just gonna go to bed okay? I'm real...really sorry."

   Starsky could see his partner slipping and it was breaking his heart. He missed the old Hutch and hated that he couldn't do anything to make Hutch's concentration and mental status what it used to be. He knew it would come back, but the waiting was so hard on Hutch...on both of them. He decided that tomorrow he was going to take Hutch out, whether he liked it or not, to wherever he wanted to go and they were going to have some fun, something neither of them had experienced in some time.

   Making sure Hutch was tucked in and asleep, he fell onto his bed, reminiscing in his head about all that he and Hutch had been through together, all of the good times and unfortunately some of the bad. He marveled at how Hutch risked his life for him so many times before, never allowing him to give up when things were bad. He would not allow Hutch to give up either. He thanked God that Hutch was alive. Being struck by lightening wasn't something that too many people lived through. Starsky drifted into a deep exhausted sleep, thanking God again for Hutch's life.

   Hutch made sure Starsky was in a sound sleep before he got out of bed to prepare for what he knew he had to do. He was as quiet as he could be, careful not to wake his partner.

   He quietly slipped on a pair of faded jeans, one of Starsky's T-shirts and a thin sweatshirt. He gave up on tying his sneakers and crept into the kitchen.

   With tears in his eyes, he started writing:

   "Dear Starsky, The nurses were right. I have been a lot of trouble and I'm holding you back. You've put your life on hold for me and I'm not getting any better. I might never get any better Starsky, and I don't want to be a burden to you. I'm sorry. Please have a good life. I've had one because of you. I love you Starsky and I'll miss you. Please don't worry about me. I'll be okay. Love Hutch"

   The letter was finished, tear drops having stained the paper, making the ink smear just a little, but it was still readable. Hutch put the letter on the kitchen table where Starsky would be sure to find it.

   Hutch took one more look around the dark apartment, wishing things could have been different. He looked one more time into the bedroom, watching his partner as he slept, quietly whispering:

   "Good-bye Starsky, I love you."

   Hutch walked and walked, not sure at all of where he was going. He really didn't care. His only concern was to make Starsky's life better, and he felt it would be without him in it.

   The dawn was breaking through as Hutch felt he would collapse. He had walked all night and was near exhaustion, thirsty and hungry. Tripping over his untied sneakers, he decided to stay where he fell. It was a run down part of town and the alley he fell in seemed deserted. Curling up against an old abandoned building, Hutch fell into an exhausted sleep.

   "I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm really sorry..."

   Hutch felt a gentle hand shaking his shoulder.

   "Starsky?"

   "Hey kid, wake up. Havin' a bad dream huh? Who's Starsky?"

   The man seemed gentle and kind and Hutch was not afraid of him.

   "What?"

   "Said you were dreaming, calling for someone named Starsky. You running from something kid?"

   Hutch rubbed his eyes and his hands through his hair, becoming more alert.

   "No. I'm not running. I left...to give someone I love their life back. You're not gonna tell are you?"

   "Kid, no one cares what we have to say and who the hell would I tell? I'm just a bum kid, we mind our own business."

   "Can I be a bum too?"

   "Kid, there's no application, no bum academy, we're just out here trying to survive."

   Hutch bowed his head and closed his eyes as silent tears fell.

   "Hey, listen kid, you can stick with me if you want 'til you find your own way. You sure you don't have somewhere to go? Friends? Family? You just don't seem like the type to be on the streets."

   "No. I have no... nowhere to go and there's no family that cares enough...no…and I don't have any frie...there's nobody...I don't want to hurt anyone anymore."

   Hutch was quietly sobbing, sitting against the brick wall, resting his head on his drawn up knees. He thought of Starsky and was missing him desperately...he was so homesick but loved Starsky too much to continue being what he felt was a burden.

   Starsky woke as the sunlight crossed over his face. Too groggy too open his eyes just yet.

   "Hutch, hey buddy, time to get up. We're gonna do something special today. Just you and me partner...Hutch?"

   Starsky had a strange feeling, an empty feeling, and the apartment was too quiet. He jumped up to look for Hutch, finding he was gone, his bed neatly made. He searched all of the rooms, finding him nowhere. He was frantic and went to reach for the phone to report Hutch missing when he found the note on the kitchen table. He put the receiver back onto the phone.

   Oh God Hutch...NO! What did you do this for? You've never been any trouble and you're not a burden! You're my best friend damn it! I love you! Aw Hutch...I'm gonna find you and I promise I'll never yell at you again. I know I really hurt you when I yelled at you about the stove, but I wasn't mad at you. Please be safe wherever you are...I'll find you soon and bring you home where you belong.

   Starsky folded the note and put it in his pocket, trying to think of where Hutch might have gone. He was missing his friend and longed to see the light blue eyes and bright smile that made his life complete.

   He couldn't have gone far...or...hell! yes he could have. Where are you Hutch?

   Starsky finished getting dressed, grabbed his jacket and put a handful of granola bars in his pockets, knowing they were Hutch's favorites, and that he might be hungry.

   His first stop was Venice Place. He let himself in finding the apartment undisturbed and no Hutch. Next he stopped by Huggy's, finding that Hutch had never shown up there either, but finding that their faithful friend Huggy was there to support him and help him search for Hutch.

   When Hutch was not found at any of their favorite places or logical places, Starsky decided that Dobey needed to know about Hutch's disappearance.

   "Why the hell didn't you call me sooner Starsky!"

   "Cap'n, I thought I could find him. He wasn't kidnapped, he ran away...and I gotta find him...its my fault. I lost my temper over something stupid! Why didn't I see this coming!"

   Hutch stayed close to his new friend "Joe" for a while. He was thirsty but had no appetite, he just wanted to sleep.

   Finding an alcove in the alley, Hutch settled in, feeling it was the safest place to stay for a while. He would just stare into space, think of Starsky and sleep when fatigue over took him. He spent his first night away from home, living the life of a bum.

   "Joe?"

   Hutch woke in the middle of the night shivering from the drop in temperature and he was afraid.

   "Joe...are you around anywhere?"

   Getting no response he tried to go back to sleep, laying his head against the hard cement surface. He longed for his warm bed next to Starsky. He cried for his friend, for his home and for the life that was over for him now. He wondered about his future momentarily before deciding he didn't have one and really didn't care. A life without Starsky in it was not a life, only an existence, which he was hoping would soon end.

   Hutch had been on the streets for five days now and still couldn't adjust. He tried, but the days were so long, the nights even longer, and so cold. He was thirsty and lonely, not eating and feeling himself getting sick, coughing a lot, short of breath and had chills alternating with the sweats. Most of his time was spent in the little alcove, which had become his home. He thanked God every night and every morning that he at least had the shelter of the alcove and prayed that Starsky was getting back to his life, not having to worry about him anymore. The thought of Starsky laughing again, not having to baby-sit a problem partner, made him smile.

   By the middle of Hutch's sixth night on the streets he was too weak to stand up. His fever was high, every muscle in his body hurt and the coughing was worse, at times coughing up blood. He couldn't seem to get enough air into his lungs, but was now too weak to look for help. Hutch was very sick and needed medical attention...he had a bad case of pneumonia. He called for Starsky, but a whisper was all he could produce.

   Starsky combed every street, corner and alley he could find, constantly checking in with all of the local hospitals and even the morgues to see if anyone matching Hutch's description was brought in. An APB had been issued days ago.

   Starsky was frantic, terrified that someone may have recognized Hutch as a cop and hurt him...or worse. He knew Hutch was in no condition to be out in the world alone at this point. He continued to comb the streets, asking questions, showing Hutch's picture, desperate for answers.

   That afternoon Starsky found himself in a part of the city he was not familiar with. It was an old industrial park, long since been closed down. He spoke to everyone he passed, most if not all were bums. He was losing hope when he heard a gentle voice.

   "Hey kid? I heard you talkin' to some of the guys around here. You say your name is Starsky?"

   "Yeah, what's it to you mister?"

   "Well, I tried to help a kid out last week, bout your age. He just didn't fit in as one of 'us'. He was real depressed and just wanted to be left alone. So I did. I left him alone, but I think he might be your friend. He mumbled your name in his sleep a couple times that I remember."

   "What's your name and can you take me to him?"

   "Sure Mr. Starsky, my name is Joe. Last time I saw the kid he was in the alley...a block down and to the right."

   Starsky ran to the alley and after a thorough search of the alley itself, Starsky found what he was looking for.

   'Hutch! My God Hutch...you're sick, you're burning up buddy! I gotta get you some help."

   Starsky turned to Joe, gave him a $50 bill and a dime and instructed him to get to the nearest pay phone and call an ambulance, that Hutch was very sick and in trouble.

   Joe ran in search of the nearest pay phone, making the call and giving the best directions he knew how.

   "Hutch, c'mon buddy, can you hear me? Please wake up. Please Hutch, you gotta be okay...help is on the way and I'm here now."

   Starsky took his coat off and covered his semi conscious, very lethargic partner, pulling him into his lap to wait for the ambulance, which to he surprise was there within 15 minutes.

   "Starsky...where's Starsky!" Hutch's breathing was labored and he was wheezing. Trying to speak caused another coughing fit. He was trembling uncontrollably and didn't know that Starsky was there with him, holding him. Hutch closed his eyes and didn't try to speak again.

   The ambulance made its way down the narrow alley and Joe pointed to the alcove where the dark haired man cradled his friend in his arms.

   Starsky was extremely relieved to see the paramedics and begged for them to help Hutch.

   "We'll do everything we can for your friend. How long has he been like this?"

   "I'm not sure, I'm detective Dave Starsky, he's my partner Ken Hutchinson. He's been missing for seven days...I just found him, and he's so sick...he's burning up with fever, he won't wake up and he's not breathing too good. Please help him." Starsky's voice was beginning to crack as he let the medics begin their work on Hutch.

   Starsky rode in the ambulance with his partner and they were in the emergency room in record time. Once inside Hutch was wheeled into a treatment room and Starsky was instructed to take a seat in the waiting room. He hated the waiting, he just wanted to be with Hutch to know what happened to him and he had to know his friend was going to be okay. He called Dobey and Huggy to tell them he found Hutch.

   After what seemed like an eternity, the doctor came to speak with Starsky.

   "Detective Starsky? I'm doctor John. I've been treating your partner."

   "How is he doc? Will he be all right? What's wrong with him?"

   "Whoa...let me answer one question at a time. Your friend is going to recover. He has a bad case of pneumonia, is severely dehydrated and is showing significant signs of malnutrition. These conditions are all treatable if caught in time, but it could take a while for him to build up his immune system again. My main concern right now is how long he went with an insufficient amount of oxygen because of the pneumonia. We'll know more when he wakes up. We've started him on IV's, strong antibiotics, breathing treatments for the pneumonia and I've ordered injections of mega doses of multivitamins to boost his immune system. We have him on oxygen and I've called a respiratory therapist to work with Detective Hutchinson."

   "Thanks doc. I'm sorry for jumping all over you. I'm just wired and that man you're treating in there is my best friend...and I don't want to lose him."

   After Hutch was settled into his room and cleaned up, a nurse came to let Starsky know he could see him.

   Starsky walked over to Hutch's bedside and laid a hand gently on his forehead, still hot with fever. He didn't want to wake him so he just stared at the man in the bed, once again thanking God that he found him. Tears welled in his eyes at the thought of what Hutch must have gone through in the last week, alone, cold, sick and scared. Aw Hutch...please don't ever run away from me again. I promise I'll never yell at you or hurt you...please just come back to me buddy. Starsky sat in the chair next to the bed, bowed his head and cried...for Hutch...all the suffering he had gone through and out of relief at having found him alive.

   Hutch's eyes opened and he looked at the unfamiliar surroundings, finally finding his partner with his head in his hands.

   "Starsk...why are you crying?"

   "Hutch, you're awake! God it's good to see those blue eyes. How ya feelin'?"

   "Why am I here? Why am I so cold and can't breathe?"

   Starsky could see the anxiety building as Hutch tried to sit up. He gently pushed Hutch back down onto the bed.

   "Hutch...try to relax, everything's gonna be okay. You have pneumonia and your fever is high, but the doc says your gonna be just fine."

   "Then what are you crying about? Someone dent your car?" Hutch gave a weak smile and reached for Starsky's hand. "How'd I get here Starsk?"

   "You were gone for seven days...you ran away remember?"

   "No. Why would I run away from you? You're lucky enough to be stuck with me. Unless you were trying to force that junk food you eat on me."

   "You thought you were...well..."

   Something in Hutch's eyes and actions told Starsky that something was wrong here or different. This was not the little boy Hutch who ran away over a week ago.

   "I thought I was what?"

   "Hutch, don't you remember the incident with the stove? Or the tub? Or watching cartoons with me? Eating Captain Crunch together?"

   Hutch felt himself getting silly and was wondering what happened to his partner. Was this one of his practical jokes? He must have gone to great lengths on this one.

   "Very creative. Starsky, what the hell are you talking about? Something happened to you that you're not telling me about? You hit your head or something? I hate Captain Crunch, it's not good for you and you know I don't watch cartoons...and what happened with the stove? Did you burn a pizza or something?" Hutch was almost not able to control his laughter, which was not helping his breathing.

   "Hutch...I...you...what is the last thing you remember Hutch?"

   Hutch tried hard to get his coughing and laughter to calm so he could speak to his partner, who for reasons unknown to Hutch, was not finding any of this humorous.

   "I'm not sure. Did I get hit on the head? I remember us having dinner with the cap'n and Edith. Then it started raining on the way home and I got a flat tire. I fell in the mud, made you fall in the mud and then..." Hutch began trembling, stopped laughing and went pale.

   "Hutch, it's okay...c'mon breathe...you're okay now...you're safe."

   "Oh God Starsk...the lightening...I think it hit me! I remember you talking to me like I was dead, but I could hear you...every word...then I heard you crying and I couldn't move to tell you that I was okay. My body wouldn't move! I heard Cap'n Dobey and doc Gregory...Oh God Starsk, what happened? I'm not remembering much after that. I heard everyone saying I was dead. I remember being really scared."

   "It's a long story buddy, and we have a long time for me to tell you all about it. You need to rest now. I'll be right here."

   "Thanks Starsk. Hey? Is my car all right?"

   "Go to sleep silly. I'll be right here if you need anything."

THE END