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LOST IN THE DARKNESS (Missing Scene from Vendetta)

By

Mer

Two police cars blocked the sidewalk in front of the Hotel Bremen, their mars lights casting an eerie glow on windows drawn permanently with blinds. A scattering of pedestrians and residents watched with bored interest. It was a familiar scene in the neighbourhood. A red Torino with a white racing stripe was parked haphazardly down the street. The car’s owner, Detective David Starsky, and his partner Detective Ken Hutchinson had been the first on the scene.

Hutch had raced ahead of his partner, desperate to find the man who had assaulted his girlfriend and rigged the trunk of his car to explode. He had torn open the door to the dark hotel room, ready to let loose his anger on a monster. Instead he had found a frightened, twisted boy. His rage had fled in the face of the boy’s terror, leaving behind only exhausted despair. He had retreated to a chair on the other side of the room, comforting the boy as best he could until the others came to take him away. He hadn’t moved, not even when the boy, blind and still believing that Hutch was his mentor, had begged him for help. As they left, he had called out softly for Starsky to turn the light off.

Starsky had taken over, giving the officers instructions for the prisoners, sending the crime scene team to start in Solkin’s room, then calling in a quick report to Dobey. At last he returned to the dingy hotel room where his partner sat, silent and unmoving.

He paused in the doorway, his eyes adjusting to the gloom. Hutch was still slumped in the chair against the wall, his fair hair picking up the faint light from the lamp. “Hutch,” he whispered. “You okay, buddy?”

There was no answer. Starsky was unable to move from the doorway, as if Hutch had thrown up an impenetrable barrier keeping everything distant. It was a sharp sorrow for Starsky to think that he might be part of what Hutch was avoiding. “It’s over. Everything’s under control.” Still no answer. “I’ll take you to the hospital.”

Hutch flinched and brought his bandaged hand up to cover his face. “I want to hate him,” he said finally, the fatigue and pain in his voice amplified in the dark. “Why can’t I hate him?”

Starsky sighed and took a step towards the chair. “Because he’s a victim too. He’s sick, he needs help, but Artie Solkin used his sickness, the way he uses all those kids.”

That at last brought a reaction, as Hutch punched his injured hand against the wall at Solkin’s name. He didn’t make a sound, though Starsky knew the pain had to be excruciating. He moved quickly to Hutch’s side, grabbing his arm before he could do any further damage.

“I can’t feel anything,” Hutch whispered. He wrenched his arm free of Starsky’s grip and smashed it against the wall again. “I need to feel something.”

Starsky grabbed him again, this time wrapping both arms around his partner’s body, simultaneously pinning and enfolding him. “Stop it, Hutch.” He could feel Hutch try to struggle and he rocked him slightly the way his mother had rocked him when he was a frightened child. “Don’t do this to yourself. You feel. You just feel too much.”

All the tension seemed to drain out of Hutch’s body at once and he slumped forward, resting his forehead on Starsky’s shoulder. “He could have killed Abby,” he said in a voice that was barely audible. “I wanted to tear him apart. But he was just a kid. He was just trying to please that son-of-a-bitch Solkin. And I couldn’t...” His voice cracked and he took a deep, shuddering breath to compose himself. “I can’t...He thought I was Solkin. He was so scared. How could I hurt him?”

He leaned back again and Starsky let him go, sitting back on his heels. “I know. I know. It’s all right.”

Hutch brought his arms up to cover his face again. “I’m just so tired.”

“It’s okay,” Starsky murmured. “You can rest now. It’s all over.”

“This must be where lost souls gather to lament,” Hutch said in a soft sigh. “Emptiness feeding on nothingness sustained by hopelessness. Of course it ended here. Nothing but endings here.”

Starsky shivered. “Let’s get out of here. I’ll take you to see Abby.”

“Nothing but endings,” Hutch repeated in a dull whisper, but held out his good hand for Starsky to pull him to his feet. He stood still for a second, then walked over to the nightstand and switched off the lamp. Then he followed his partner out of the room and closed the door behind him on the darkness.

I want it all to go away I want to be alone

Sympathy’s wasted on my hollow shell

I feel there’s nothing left to fight for

No reason for a cause

And I can’t hear your voice and I can’t feel you near

Lost, Sarah McLachlan