Valerie Wells

   They had a heart, but it was too late. He was gone.

   Hutch sat there in the sand, rocking his partner's motionless body, as the sun went down and dusk fell. He laid his cheek against Starsky's hair and let the tears come and let the pain wash over him like the water lapping over their feet and legs.

   Gone. He was gone.

   Hutch would never hear his voice again. He'd never feel his arms again. Never see that crooked smile, the one he always called "the Starsky special" in his mind, again.

   How could he live without him?

   For a moment, Hutch let himself picture his gun, still in its holster, in a bottom drawer of his bureau. He didn't have to live without him. He could --

   No. He couldn't. He'd promised. Maybe not in words. But Starsky had asked him to "be okay." To "make it, for both of us." Starsky had counted on him. He had to, no matter how much it hurt -- and oh, God, it hurt -- he had to do it.

~~~~~    

   Huggy had knocked several times without getting an answer. Finally, worried, he went in and searched the house. Neither of them was there. Hutch's bed was rumpled. There was a glass of orange juice, half-drunk, on the end table next to Starsky's chair. But no sign of either of them.

   Huggy went out on the deck and looked across the darkening beach. A couple of hundred yards away, he thought he saw a figure sitting in the sand. He walked that direction.

   As he got closer, he could recognize Hutch's form from the back. When he realized that Hutch was holding Starsky, he ran.

   But when he stopped next to them, he knew. Hutch's cheeks were tear-stained, and he was rocking back and forth, gently, his cheek pillowed on Starsky's hair, one hand absently stroking Starsky's back, over and over again. Huggy knelt and laid a hand on Hutch's head.

~~~~~    

   "Hutch?"

   Hutch's eyes were closed, but a tear escaped and rolled down his cheek to join the others. "Huggy, he's...." He squeezed his eyes tighter and pulled Starsky's body closer and kissed the top of his head.

   Huggy's eyes filled with tears and he sank into the sand. "Oh, God."

   "He said...he said he didn't feel any pain, only love," Hutch said, his eyes still closed, his arms still holding Starsky tight. "It's okay now, buddy," he said, whispering into Starsky's hair. "I'm here. I've got you. I won't let go. I'll never let go..."

   "Hutch, we gotta call somebody," Huggy said gently.

   Hutch shook his head and opened his eyes to look at Huggy. "No. I can't. Not yet. Not yet. Please, Huggy, don't take him away from me yet. I can't...I can't stand it."

   "Okay, brother," Huggy said, barely able to speak himself. "Sure."

   Hutch closed his eyes again and began humming something softly to Starsky. With a breaking heart, Huggy rose and went back to the house to make the calls.

   And when the ambulance came, it took both attendants and Huggy to make Hutch let go.

   "Hutch, please," Huggy begged at last. "Let them take him. They'll take care of him. I promise they will. Please, Hutch."

   "I can't, Huggy, I can't..." Hutch raised anguished eyes to him with such deep pain in them that Huggy's eyes spilled over again at the sight.

   The attendants were silent, waiting with the stretcher.

   "Hutch," Huggy said, kneeling again, "he loved you. He wouldn't want you to fall apart, brother. He was ready. And he needs you to be strong now, Hutch. Come on."

   Hutch looked down at the peaceful face in his arms and back at Huggy. And finally, he turned Starsky over so he was lying on his back, leaned over to kiss the cool forehead, and nodded at Huggy. "Okay. But let me. Please. Let me."

   Huggy glanced at the attendants, who shrugged. "Okay, Hutch. Can I help you?"

   Hutch shook his head. "No. I want to to it." He put his arms under Starsky and struggled to his feet. It took all the strength he had left to make it the few steps to the stretcher. He laid his partner gently down, folded his hands over his waist, and stood there looking down at him for so long that the attendants made an impatient movement at Huggy. But Huggy shook his head at them and they subsided. At last, Hutch brushed the curls back, let his hand linger on Starsky's face for a moment, and stepped back.

   The attendants pulled the sheet over his face. Hutch made a movement as if to stop them, and Huggy reached out to stop him. "No, Hutch." They lifted the stretcher into the ambulance, shut the doors, and left without another word. Hutch watched them go, white to the lips, tears slowly flowing down his face. As the ambulance turned the corner out of sight, Hutch sank to his knees and sobbed. Huggy knelt next to him and put an arm around him. He knew he couldn't comfort him, he knew all he could do was be there. So he did it, with all his might.

THE END